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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give in and speak to DH first

357 replies

OTRDN · 22/02/2019 18:15

The other evening, DH, DS and I were discussing how much money to give DS to go out to the cinema and get some food with his friends - I said £20 and DH said no £10 is enough. Obviously DS wanted the £20 and DH accused me of undermining him.

I explained that as I had offered the £20 first - it was actually him that was undermining me but he disagreed.

The money was actually DS's, we just look after it so that he doesn't spend it all at once, so I couldn't see the problem with £20. DH said that DS wont learn the value of money if we give him £20, but I argued that if we controlled how much we gave him he would never learn the value of money. If he wanted to spend all of his money he could - then he would run out of money and begin to learn the value of it.

Anyway moving on, after DS was in bed DH and I were sitting in our front room watching the TV and DH carried this on saying I was undermining him, he got really angry and told me to leave the room because he didn't want to be in the same room as me. Normally I don't do arguing but this night I said no, I told him that if he didn't want to be in the same room as me then that is his decision and he should leave the room.

Well, then he turned off the TV I was watching and took the remote control and said " well if you won't leave, you can sit here in silence!"

I was gobsmacked and did go a little bit mental, telling him he can not treat me like that.... since then DH has not spoken to me (he normally cooks dinner - but he has cooked everybody elses but mine) I really don't think I should back down on this, but I hate the silence and awkwardness.

AIBU not to give in and speak to him first?

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 22/02/2019 18:17

Is he always such a controlling arse?

cheesydoesit · 22/02/2019 18:18

What a ridiculous reaction from him.

WildIrishRose1 · 22/02/2019 18:19

He's a child, having a tantrum because he didn't get his own way.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 22/02/2019 18:20

Wow he sounds like a complete shit. I am 100% with you. I wouldn’t back down and I would be doing the same back to him.

DH and I had a similarly ridiculous situation a couple of years ago - it almost got to divorce, because I was seriously just getting less and less bothered and more detached from the whole situation.

OffToBedhampton · 22/02/2019 18:20

He is a dick. That's abusive to turn off TV and take remote control. And to cook dinner but not for you.

He will soon find himself sleeping on sofa and out in his ear if he keeps this behaviour up

TacoLover · 22/02/2019 18:21

He sounds like a nightmare.

Unrelated to that, assuming the cinema ticket has already been bought why on earth would you need £20? Even if the cinema ticket has not been bought yet I think £20 is still far too much. You said you're being too controlling by not giving him that amount but you already decide what money to give him so I don't see how that's any different? If you want him to learn the value of money then just give it all to him and let him decide; age dependent, but seeing as he's going to the cinema without you it seems like he's a teenager? Why are you controlling the money of a child old enough to go to the cinema by himself?

Aside from that though, your husband sounds like an arsehole.

PalmTree101 · 22/02/2019 18:21

What a horrible man.

LeadMeToTheChocolate · 22/02/2019 18:22

He sounds horrid. Are you his wife, an equal? Or a servant?
I think he may be confused.
Don’t let him treat you like this.

poglets · 22/02/2019 18:22

He is an abusive prick,

ImperfectAlf · 22/02/2019 18:23

Is he three years old, OP? My dgd wouldn’t get away with that behaviour.

wineandroses1 · 22/02/2019 18:23

Wow what a twat he is! And a childish one at that. Taking away the remote and not cooking your dinner? Bet your kids thinks he’s an arse too -mine wouldn’t eat knowing I’d got no dinner! He is a complete arse. And for what’s its worth £10 would barely cover the ticket cost where I live, never mind getting a coke etc. If he’s usually like this I’d dump him. Don’t put up with this sort of crap. It’s a slippery slope.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 22/02/2019 18:24

Where do you live where you can go to the cinema and get food for a tenner ?

the other evening - how long has this ridiculous situation gone on Shock

And you're still house sharing with this twat?

LeadMeToTheChocolate · 22/02/2019 18:25

Ps the cinema is so expensive. I would also give £20. You agreed the £20 first so your ‘husband’ undermined you.
Drink and popcorn would be about £10, are they going to food after?

MumUnderTheMoon · 22/02/2019 18:25

A cinema ticket is usually £4/5 plus food? £10 might not have done the job so I think you were spot on to suggest £20. But setting that aside your husband undermined you and then treated you like a child ordering you to leave the room and then turning of the tv. These are discipline methods I would use on my 11yo. You said you don't normally argue. Does he send you out of the room a lot because that's not normal you know.

mollyblack · 22/02/2019 18:25

He sounds like a pure fanny.

You need more than £20 to go to the cinema and get a snack/drink.

Your ds should get to decide how much of HIS money he spends.

Your partner has ego/control issues.

MrsTommyBanks · 22/02/2019 18:25

He is a knobhead

AppleKatie · 22/02/2019 18:26

Round here the cinema ticket would be at least £10 never mind the dinner as well.

But even so that is not the point of the argument. He is punishing you for not leaving the room when told? Turning the tv off was petty and childish but if he’d apologised as soon as he’d calmed down I might overlook it but not cooking you food the next day?

Twat.

Sexnotgender · 22/02/2019 18:26

Definitely don’t give in, he’s being totally unreasonable and a massive dick.

mollyblack · 22/02/2019 18:26

I meant more than £10

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking · 22/02/2019 18:26

O/T I went to the pictures last week, one adult, one student ticket = £22, and DS paid for 2 medium cokes and 2 medium popcorn = £16

I want to know where you all live

Original poster
OTRDN · 22/02/2019 18:26

TacoLover - Cinema ticket had not already been bought and they were going to Nandos afterwards, so I don't think £10 would have been enough. DS still has £300 of birthday and Christmas money, so I wouldn't dream of giving him all of that in one go.

OP posts:
Ispywithmycynicaleye · 22/02/2019 18:27

Definitly dont back down! And you should order yourself an expensive takeaway for dinner 😁

HouseOfGoldandBones · 22/02/2019 18:27

Sorry OP, your DH is an arse.

I hope you've been ordering takeaways or going out for tea instead.

MelanieCheeks · 22/02/2019 18:27

He's an eejit. But I wouldn't get into sulking not-speaking game play. I'd just be my normal breezy self, maybe add a head tilt and a "that's nice dear".

AppleKatie · 22/02/2019 18:28

£10 for cinema and Nando’s? Well he literally wouldn’t have been able to do both with that would he.

So DH was effectively saying he couldn’t go.