Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not give in and speak to DH first

357 replies

OTRDN · 22/02/2019 18:15

The other evening, DH, DS and I were discussing how much money to give DS to go out to the cinema and get some food with his friends - I said £20 and DH said no £10 is enough. Obviously DS wanted the £20 and DH accused me of undermining him.

I explained that as I had offered the £20 first - it was actually him that was undermining me but he disagreed.

The money was actually DS's, we just look after it so that he doesn't spend it all at once, so I couldn't see the problem with £20. DH said that DS wont learn the value of money if we give him £20, but I argued that if we controlled how much we gave him he would never learn the value of money. If he wanted to spend all of his money he could - then he would run out of money and begin to learn the value of it.

Anyway moving on, after DS was in bed DH and I were sitting in our front room watching the TV and DH carried this on saying I was undermining him, he got really angry and told me to leave the room because he didn't want to be in the same room as me. Normally I don't do arguing but this night I said no, I told him that if he didn't want to be in the same room as me then that is his decision and he should leave the room.

Well, then he turned off the TV I was watching and took the remote control and said " well if you won't leave, you can sit here in silence!"

I was gobsmacked and did go a little bit mental, telling him he can not treat me like that.... since then DH has not spoken to me (he normally cooks dinner - but he has cooked everybody elses but mine) I really don't think I should back down on this, but I hate the silence and awkwardness.

AIBU not to give in and speak to him first?

OP posts:
Di11y · 22/02/2019 18:28

if he's old enough you talk about the various costs of popcorn etc and ask ds how much he wants to spend.

ImperfectAlf · 22/02/2019 18:29

This isn’t about the amount of money, is it? It’s about your 'd'h being more childish than your ds. Is he alsways like that?

MitziK · 22/02/2019 18:29

If you put the paperwork for the divorce in front of him, he'll sign it and leave without ordering you to bed without supper.

He's a twat. Not so much for the daftness about the money (although I think you're right that twenty quid is nearer the cost of a movie and their overpriced snacks), but for the ridiculous way he's punishing you like a toddler.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 22/02/2019 18:29

Not in a month of Sundays would you have got a cinema ticket + meal for £10. Did you show him the ticket price?

The not cooking you dinner thing is spiteful and is also, presumably, putting your private argument on display to your dc. Which is not on.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 22/02/2019 18:30

Basic Nando's meal is a tenner on it's own. Cinema ticket here would be £8. Not even enough for popcorn.
£10 is not enough. It's HIS money. You are very sensible and your DH is a controlling, childish dickhead.

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 22/02/2019 18:31

Where I live cinema tickets cost around a tenner and there's also no way you could get a Nando's for a tenner let alone something as well at the cinema.

Your DH is being an arse.

mediumbrownmug · 22/02/2019 18:31

Err, if my DH acted like that, I'd have turned the tv back on, informed him that nobody treated or spoke to me like that, especially in front of my son, and I'd have left straight for a hotel. The last thing on my mind would be speaking to him, first or otherwise. Controlling behavior is a deal-breaker for me, though, so there's that.

Holidayshopping · 22/02/2019 18:32

A cinema ticket is usually £4/5

Only if you live in the 1990s!

OP-you are 100% in the right. Do not back down or he might try this shit every time he feels like being a twat.

Drogosnextwife · 22/02/2019 18:32

Even a child cinema ticket where I live would cost £10. He is a twat. You were right in the first place.
How old is your DS OP?

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 22/02/2019 18:33

Ask your H how on earth DS will learn the value of money if H insists on hoarding it all on his behalf and handing it out a penny at a time. He'll just learn to go nuts when he finally gains control of his own finances.

InsomniaTho · 22/02/2019 18:34

I’m in the East Mids and a cinema ticket is a tenner for a student. Bus far around £3. Nando’s would be another £10. So even the £20 wouldn’t cover it here.

longtimelurkerhelen · 22/02/2019 18:34

I would never normally recommend violence but, Op I would be seriously considering kicking him right in the nutsack while he is asleep.

How dare he treat you that way? Has he behaved like this before?

Nesssie · 22/02/2019 18:34

I would be extremely concerned that he took the tv remote and doesn’t think there is anything wrong with that behaviour. A serious conversation would need to be had.

Babygrey7 · 22/02/2019 18:35

Awful man

How old is DS? Mine are allowed to use their Christmas money as they please (14 and 16)

SayNoToCarrots · 22/02/2019 18:35

Wow. What a child. Do not back down.

Nesssie · 22/02/2019 18:35

Also, Cambridgeshire - cinema ticket £9, basic Nando’s £10 so even £20 would be a push.

AnneLovesGilbert · 22/02/2019 18:36

I don’t know where you live but you can’t get a cinema ticket for £10 round here.

Your husband is a stroppy unpleasant arse.

You say you don’t usually argue back so is he often in the habit of being awful until you back down?

Patchworkpatty · 22/02/2019 18:38

How old is your DS ? To be going to the cinema and out to dinner with mates makes me think at least 12/13 ? If so, then not allowing him to decide how much of his OWN money to have is controlling in itself.

As for your DH behaving like that. I would not be cooking or washing any thing for him until an apology had be made !

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 22/02/2019 18:38

He's confusing you with one of the children - and he's not great with them either. That gets nipped in the bud sharpish.

Is he normally a controlling a*se, or us something else going on? Depending on the answer to that I'd either be roasting his backside and then getting to the bottom of it, or making plans for a happier future

You are not being unreasonable, take back control fast. Sorry you are having to deal with this.

Parthenope · 22/02/2019 18:38

Has he been reading the Old Testament Patriarch's Guide to Being a Husband? Hmm

Seriously, is this a regular occurrence? Does he actually think he's head of the household and gets to make all parenting and financial decisions, as well as who gets to sit in a room or have access to the TV remote???

MadMillie · 22/02/2019 18:40

he got really angry and told me to leave the room because he didn't want to be in the same room as me.

he turned off the TV I was watching and took the remote control and said " well if you won't leave, you can sit here in silence!"

If this was my DH he'd be spending every night alone with his tv and remote control in his own place. I really don't understand why people put up with this shit.

RedSkyLastNight · 22/02/2019 18:40

If its DS's money ,why isn't it up to him how much he wants to spend?

HopeIsNotAStrategy · 22/02/2019 18:40

PS OP, your set will have some buttons on it somewhere that will allow you to turn it in and change channel. 😉

pigsDOfly · 22/02/2019 18:42

Why would you want to ever speak to him again?

Who the hell behaves like that if they're over 3 years old?

He's nasty, controlling and spiteful. Is this his usual method of trying to win an argument?

And no you shouldn't give in and speak to him first, unless to tell him where to sign the divorce papers.

Missingstreetlife · 22/02/2019 18:42

He really needs a good slap.