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AIBU?

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Original poster

To not give in and speak to DH first

357 replies

OTRDN · 22/02/2019 18:15

The other evening, DH, DS and I were discussing how much money to give DS to go out to the cinema and get some food with his friends - I said £20 and DH said no £10 is enough. Obviously DS wanted the £20 and DH accused me of undermining him.

I explained that as I had offered the £20 first - it was actually him that was undermining me but he disagreed.

The money was actually DS's, we just look after it so that he doesn't spend it all at once, so I couldn't see the problem with £20. DH said that DS wont learn the value of money if we give him £20, but I argued that if we controlled how much we gave him he would never learn the value of money. If he wanted to spend all of his money he could - then he would run out of money and begin to learn the value of it.

Anyway moving on, after DS was in bed DH and I were sitting in our front room watching the TV and DH carried this on saying I was undermining him, he got really angry and told me to leave the room because he didn't want to be in the same room as me. Normally I don't do arguing but this night I said no, I told him that if he didn't want to be in the same room as me then that is his decision and he should leave the room.

Well, then he turned off the TV I was watching and took the remote control and said " well if you won't leave, you can sit here in silence!"

I was gobsmacked and did go a little bit mental, telling him he can not treat me like that.... since then DH has not spoken to me (he normally cooks dinner - but he has cooked everybody elses but mine) I really don't think I should back down on this, but I hate the silence and awkwardness.

AIBU not to give in and speak to him first?

OP posts:
MissLadyM · 22/02/2019 18:43

He sounds like a total arsehole. Has he behaved like this before?

Alsohuman · 22/02/2019 18:43

He sounds totally unhinged, firstly for thinking £10 was enough and secondly for treating you like a naughty five year old.

pigsDOfly · 22/02/2019 18:43

Oh forgot to say, of course £20 isn't too much for cinema and food.

ChakiraChakra · 22/02/2019 18:44

He sounds like a wanker.

Get yourself a gorgeous and smelly take away 😁

pointythings · 22/02/2019 18:45

You should absolutely talk to him first. Just to tell him that his behaviour was completely unacceptable and that if he ever does anything like that again, you will divorce him. And then stick to it.

Cinema + Nando's is definitely more than £20, and it is your DS' Christmas/birthday money. If he can't spend it on a fun time out, what the hell is it for?

Aquamarine1029 · 22/02/2019 18:46

This can't possibly be the first time he's behaved this way, surely?

Newhere555 · 22/02/2019 18:47

He's an abusive arsehole and he has no respect for you. Do not stay with someone who treats you like that!

Holidayshopping · 22/02/2019 18:47

How long have you been with this man?

Is it the case that he has been a lovely, generous, decent man for your whole relationship until suddenly today, out if the blue-he turns into a total twat?

Is this completely out of character?

mummmy2017 · 22/02/2019 18:52

Your not wrong.
But wondering how he is going to back down.

elfies · 22/02/2019 18:52

Please don't allow him to treat you like a child .
Its the thin end of the wedge and you will find him getting increasingly abusive . Please , please don't stand for treatment like this..ever!

HermioneKipper · 22/02/2019 18:54

What a very odd reaction from your DH. £10 wouldn’t be enough for the cinema and Nando’s so how is your son meant to go at all?! Override him on this one and ask him what the hell hes playing at!

pigsDOfly · 22/02/2019 18:56

Actually, thinking about it further, pointythigs is right, you should talk to him along the lines she suggests.

ohfourfoxache · 22/02/2019 18:57

Nasty, abusive arsehole.

He undermined you, not the other way round

MakeItAmazing · 22/02/2019 18:58

Bloody hell OP. You are married to a dickhead who thinks he's the boss of you. He thinks he's in charge of you. He thinks he's above you. He thinks you're beneath him. What are you going to do next ?

sackrifice · 22/02/2019 18:59

Does he think he is your dad?

Namechangedbecauseiwantto · 22/02/2019 19:00

Your dh was really out of order in many ways, and you shouldn't put up with this nonsense.
But.... £20 for the cinema and Nando's, I think you were both U with the amount. Being constantly on a budget, it's horrible going out and trying to work out if you have enough money. It's your ds's money, and he should be able to go out and have fun without worrying and calculating if he has enough. Hope you get it sorted.

ems137 · 22/02/2019 19:00

What a fucking prick! The original argument/disagreement would fade into the background after his ridiculous behaviour. I would be absolutely livid at getting treated like that.

Asta19 · 22/02/2019 19:02

he normally cooks dinner - but he has cooked everybody elses but mine

FWIW I do agree that £20 is a more sensible sum for the cinema and a meal but you know what? That's actually irrelevant. I don't even care if you had been in the wrong (you weren't!). This kind of nasty twattish behaviour is totally out of line. Do not speak to that man!

Normally I don't do arguing but this night I said no

So the one time you asserted yourself he behaved like this? I don't want to jump to conclusions or add 2+2 to make 5 but do you usually defer to him? Is that what's got his back up? Honestly he sounds like a nasty piece of work.

So no, you ANBU in the slightest. But as a pp said, think about whether this is a one off or part of a larger issue. If it's a larger issue think very carefully about your future.

applesisapple5 · 22/02/2019 19:02

Were you undermining him? It doesn't matter. What matters is that you both couldn't have an adult discussion and resolve the issue.
Now you're in this limbo, who will blink first?
How will you resolve the arguement and make sure in the future there's a conversation happening?
Try not to get dragged down into this childish behaviour and see the overarching issue, otherwise it could set up a very silly pattern.
He's an arse, be the bigger person (and get takeaway)

Youandwhosearmy · 22/02/2019 19:04

He is being an absolute grade A bellend

I hope your boy got his £20, I would be furious enough at your husband for being stingy with the lad's own cash, the rest of it is fucking disgraceful behaviour

Fairenuff · 22/02/2019 19:06

He is obviously controlling. He's in the wrong here.

RedBerryTea · 22/02/2019 19:06

He knows he's in the wrong which is why he's being such a moron.

tomatostottie · 22/02/2019 19:06

Fuckwit.
And 20 quid is not enough for cinema + nandos.

I wouldn't be speaking to him either.

SilverySurfer · 22/02/2019 19:06

Every day I read something on here which makes me thank my lucky stars that I live alone and don't have to live with some of these arseholes.

Don't give in - his behaviour is completely unacceptable. I would be ordering the most yummy, smelly, mouthwatering takeaway - make him drool and I hope you've kicked him out of bed.

Quartz2208 · 22/02/2019 19:07

Does he always act like he is in charge and like a child at the same time

How on earth do you cope being married to him