Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal to have somewhere comfortable to watch TV/a film

208 replies

Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:14

Been seeing a man for several months. He's a widower with teenage children. We meet once a week usually. We eat out, go for drives etc but sometimes (before/after the above or just on its own) sit in his home.

He has nowhere to sit comfortably and watch a working TV/a film.

(The main TV is in his kitchen-dining room, where you'd have to sit on a dining chair at the dining table, obviously. His sitting room has a TV used only for games by his sons.)

He seems to have zero problem with this and is happy to sit with nothing to watch, chatting. I happy to chat to some extent, bug beyond that think it's normal to be able to watch some TV or a film together on e.g. a sofa.

Would this bother you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:19

To add; so far I've asked if we could get the TV in the sitting room working (as s TV) but he said the Ariel doesn't work.
I've asked to watch films on the games console in the sitting room (possible) but it requires changing cables and a list of instructions that a nasa scientist would have trouble following. He agreed to buy a separate basic (super cheap) dvd player at my request but every week I go there it has been removed and plugged in in the kitchen-diningbroom by his daughter who finds it easier to use than the setup there to watch her box sets. So it has to be removed and set up again in the sitting room (back to cable confusion, channel set up again).

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:20
  • posted too soon - and is so much hassle-y we usually don't bother.
OP posts:
BreakYourselfAgainstMyStones · 11/02/2019 18:22

Could you not go back to yours? He seems quite happy with the set up, so that's all you can do really.

mrsm43s · 11/02/2019 18:24

But it's his house, and he seems happy with how it is. If you want to watch TV, do it at your house! Surely you want to chat with him, rather than sit in front of the TV anyway?

SoyDora · 11/02/2019 18:26

If that’s how he likes it then it’s fine! We don’t watch much TV so while we have one in the living room, it’s rarely used. It would probably be used more if it was in the kitchen/diner to be honest as we spend more time in there.
Wouldn’t bother me at all.

Chasingsquirrels · 11/02/2019 18:26

Get a firestick or similar and stream things on the tv in the lounge?

SaucyJack · 11/02/2019 18:28

What games console is it? If it’s connected to the WiFi, you can possibly download Netflix onto it and stream films on the telly.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:29

He wants me to stay at his (40 Mon drive from mine) because his children have so many other job, sport, hobby, social transport requirements,because his daughter keeps becoming I'll with appendicitis type pain and is being driven to hospital urgently (big family history of appendicitis, though apparently that's not a factor), and also his elderly, bed & chair bound mum is not well and he regularly gets 'better come around v soon , shes not good' calls. Also he's a massive home bird who liked his home turf (which admittedly is v scenic).

OP posts:
Completelyfine · 11/02/2019 18:29

Lots of people don’t watch scheduled tv any more or just have a tv for gaming.

MitziK · 11/02/2019 18:29

That was my initial excuse for not having a TV in my bedroom.

The real reason was Because I Don't Want One.

I like the way our bedroom is for sleeping and occasional shagging.

He just prefers people talking to him rather than staring blankly at a TV screen.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:30

*Part-time job not other job

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:33

Surely you want to chat with him, rather than sit in front of the TV anyway?

In the earlier months of the relationship, of course. Now it would be nice to watch some TV or a film occasionally as well. We speak regularly during the week and chat/catch up.

OP posts:
WonkoTheSane42 · 11/02/2019 18:35

Who told you watching a DVD on the console needs cables swapped etc.? Because that’s nonsense.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:36

*That was my initial excuse for not having a TV in my bedroom.

The real reason was Because I Don't Want O opne.

I like the way our bedroom is for sleeping and occasional shagging.*

I'm not referring to a bedroom, I'm referring to a sitting room (I don't like TVs in a bedroom either.)

OP posts:
SoyDora · 11/02/2019 18:37

Does he even want to sit in the living room and watch the TV/a film? Seems a bit weird to make him change his set up when it’s not something he enjoys or wants to do.

PCohle · 11/02/2019 18:39

Dan Savage calls issues like this "paying the cost of admission". Either you put up with it or you end the relationship - trying to get someone to change a personality trait like this seems doomed to failure.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:40

He just prefers people talking to him rather than staring blankly at a TV screen.

I don't generally stare blankly at a screen, I'm the sort of person who will discuss the plot etc as it happens and he certainly isn't; he had chatted through any TV or film we've managed to watch on the basic dvd player.

OP posts:
MitziK · 11/02/2019 18:40

And he doesn't want a telly in his sitting room. Which is his right.

The connections, etc, are all a non confrontational way of making sure it isn't changed.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:43

He had a huge collection of dvds (in the kitchen-dining room - where I presume they watched them (or maybe the sons played them on one of the consoles in the sitting room - family films, comedies, old timer films (eg whiskey galore), westerns etc. Some are his obviously. He has seemed interested in watching anything I've suggested (though does chat through anything you watch).

OP posts:
3in4years · 11/02/2019 18:43

It's not that strange. Plenty of people don't watch much tv, me included. I watch catch up occasionally on my phone but rarely watch tv in the living room.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:44

Sorry, that was in reply to;

Does he even want to sit in the living room and watch the TV/a film? Seems a bit weird to make him change his set up when it’s not something he enjoys or wants to do.

OP posts:
Llareggub · 11/02/2019 18:44

Very little TV watching goes on in my house. Everyone watches on various devices around the house. On the rare occasion we sit down to watch the same thing together it tends to be cwtched up in bed together!

MissionItsPossible · 11/02/2019 18:46

What console is it? Unless it's ancient, you put the DVD in and press play once it's loaded, it's not complicated at all. Confused I wonder if that's what his children might have said so as not to be in the middle of watching a film when they come home and want to play a game

llangennith · 11/02/2019 18:47

I get it OP. It's nice to relax watching TV with someone. It's really not that difficult to change the input to a TV from games console to normal TV. He sounds like a technophobeGrin
Find a nice way to tell him it's not working for you and you'll be spending more time in your own home chilling on your comfy sofa watching TV.

Bluelady · 11/02/2019 18:48

The chatting would drive me mad. That's one of the reasons I prefer the cinema. It's his house, TV and films obviously don't mean much to him.