To think it's normal to have somewhere comfortable to watch TV/a film

[Iownmanyleatherboundbooks]

Been seeing a man for several months. He's a widower with teenage children. We meet once a week usually. We eat out, go for drives etc but sometimes (before/after the above or just on its own) sit in his home.

He has nowhere to sit comfortably and watch a working TV/a film.

(The main TV is in his kitchen-dining room, where you'd have to sit on a dining chair at the dining table, obviously. His sitting room has a TV used only for games by his sons.)

He seems to have zero problem with this and is happy to sit with nothing to watch, chatting. I happy to chat to some extent, bug beyond that think it's normal to be able to watch some TV or a film together on e.g. a sofa.

Would this bother you?

I'm getting flashbacks of my teenage years sitting uncomfortably on the wooden kitchen chairs to watch the small portable TV because I never got first choice on the main TV in the lounge if someone else wanted to watch something at the same time.

Wanting to sit comfortably to watch TV/ films is not unreasonable. TV is a passive way to relax when you're not doing active things. DH and I have different taste in films. I quietly ignore his action films from the comfort of my sofa. No way would I do that from a kitchen chair!

Is he generally willing to compromise?

Fair enough GreatWestern (love that username btw).

TV is a passive way to relax when you're not doing active things.

Exactly. It should be relaxing, how do you relax in an upright dining chair with no arms?
I find it weird that someone wouldn't want to be watch TV occasionally in a comfortable seat. It actually unnerved ne .

• unnerves me

I've never really thought about it before because our tastes align in other ways and also I'm (believe it or not) usually easygoing - but he compromises sometimes, others definitely not.

Sofa in the kitchen/dining room? That’s how I watch most tv

Sorry I've realised I misunderstood your post - there's no room, and even if there was the "it's his house, you have no right to change anything at all" posters would think asking for a sofa in the kd room is even worse than asking for a working TV in the sitting room.

Should I demand a man with financial responsibility for a large family fix a TV Ariel for me, when no-one else cares, above other things
No.....you can pay to fix it seeing as you're the only one bothered by it to this extent.

He would be happy to sit and chat but I'll already have heard any news by phone during the week, and there's only so much of listening to anecdotes and stories and opinions (that are now v familiar) that I can do
Yet you're thinking of LIVING with him?

It sounds to me as if he’s let the living room become the children’s space, while the kitchen is his, and as he’s not much of a TV watcher, the TV set up there is fine for him.

In the nicest possible way, I think in your boyfriend’s shoes, I’d be wary of moving in someone who was quite so incredulous about his set-up.

No.....you can pay to fix it seeing as you're the only one bothered by it to this extent.

He would never accept that, he wouldn't take the money.

Yet you're thinking of LIVING with him?

Let me be as blunt and aggressive as you are coming across - do you love every tiny imaginable detail about your partner? Don't be naive.

Everyone has their 'faults', his brother's the same in that regard and his wife just zones out or wraps him up.

*It sounds to me as if he’s let the living room become the children’s space, while the kitchen is his, and as he’s not much of a TV watcher, the TV set up there is fine for him.

In the nicest possible way, I think in your boyfriend’s shoes, I’d be wary of moving in someone who was quite so incredulous about his set-up.*

Fair points.

Unfortunately your thread's brought out the TV snobs Yes! All of them sympathising with the OP's partner - even though he actually isn't one.

Op, I bet if you were complaining that there was no dining table and you could only eat sitting on a sofa with food on laps in front of the TV you would get a lot more sympathy Oh yes, so true!! Ha ha! That would not be tolerated

He would never accept that, he wouldn't take the money
I suggested you get it fixed yourself - not pay him to get it sorted!
Find a technician, book them in, pay them.
It really isn't difficult OP.

do you love every tiny imaginable detail about your partner? Don't be naive
No....but if i was seeing a guy ONCE a week, and was bored with his conversation style, stories, anecdotes (you know the normal stuff that is a big part of living together) and had such a strong negative reaction to how he does things in his own house - i wouldn't be with him let alone be talking about moving in.
,
Perhaps you find my posts 'blunt and aggressive' because it is YOU that is naive?
What comes across quite strongly is that you find him boring unless you have the distraction of either doing activities or watching tv.
It sounds to me like you're just using him.

All of them sympathising with the OP's partner - even though he actually isn't one
Is he not? [shocked]

All of them sympathising with the OP's partner - even though he actually isn't one. Is he not? [shocked]

'One', meaning TV snob himself. Presumably he is actually a partner.

OP some people don't even own a telly. Imagine! The horror

Replies like this get my fucking goat. I really imagine the smug expression that goes with it and agh! Op doesn't care how much telly you or anyone else watch, this is about her bf who DOES watch telly choosing to watch it sitting on a kitchen chair rather than a comfy sofa.

*I suggested you get it fixed yourself - not pay him to get it sorted!
Find a technician, book them in, pay them.
It really isn't difficult OP. *

Are you being purposefully obtuse? You want me to arrange a technician to fix an Ariel at my partner's house where I don't live without his involvement? He has to agree to it being done on his property, he has to let the technician into the property, he has to be aware when the technician is arriving etc. All this needs his awareness and agreement; and the minute I asked to arrange it and said I'd pay for it, he'd say exactly what I've said in my post above is that he wouldn't want me paying for work or whatever word you want to use on his house.

He'd either feel he had to pay for it or refuse (or delay it).

No....but if i was seeing a guy ONCE a week, and was bored with his conversation style, stories, anecdotes (you know the normal stuff that is a big part of living together) and had such a strong negative reaction to how he does things in his own house - i wouldn't be with him let alone be talking about moving in.
,
Perhaps you find my posts 'blunt and aggressive' because it is YOU that is naive?
What comes across quite strongly is that you find him boring unless you have the distraction of either doing activities or watching tv.
It sounds to me like you're just using him.

No I just find your posts aggressive and at times bizarre (like the ramifications of the suggestion I've had to explain above).

Am I missing something? Why the pontification for god knows how long over something that is essentially an incompatible set of circumstances? You want a sofa to relax and watch tv on (totally understandable). He doesn't (his choice).

I agree with the poster early on that it's one of those things in a new relationship where you either go, yep, this is a deal breaker and it fucks me off enough not to continue or nope, I like this guy, I'll make do. I'm unsure as to why it needs going in to minute detail 😂

such a strong negative reaction to how he does things in his own house

No, I've said I find it irritating and odd throughout the entire thread, on this page I've gone so far as to say it unnerves a bit. You're prone to hyperbole; as with the "you're bored by his conversation styles .." comment. His conversation styles are perfectly fine the majority of the time, occasionally he goes into anecdote mode - which I'm ok with gently leading him out of, of suggesting an activity to change the scene; as I said everyone had their foibles, I do too. S bit of tolerance is needed in relationships.

You seem determined to take everything I write to an extreme and to assume huge amount as well.

Furthermore, if he's not making amends to change it and you've given plenty of hints that you want that set up, either respect his decision, or don't. There really isn't that much else to it, especially the minute details of cables and consoles and all that shite

Buttmuncher - I feel like it's minor to be a deal breaker, I was wondering how other people would see it; that's the whole point of aibu, isn't it? To get perspectives from a wide range of people when you're unsure about something.

So you see him once a week. Realistically you’re not going to want to sit and watch TV every time you see him, are you? So this causes an issue maybe once or twice a month?