To think it's normal to have somewhere comfortable to watch TV/a film

[Iownmanyleatherboundbooks]

Been seeing a man for several months. He's a widower with teenage children. We meet once a week usually. We eat out, go for drives etc but sometimes (before/after the above or just on its own) sit in his home.

He has nowhere to sit comfortably and watch a working TV/a film.

(The main TV is in his kitchen-dining room, where you'd have to sit on a dining chair at the dining table, obviously. His sitting room has a TV used only for games by his sons.)

He seems to have zero problem with this and is happy to sit with nothing to watch, chatting. I happy to chat to some extent, bug beyond that think it's normal to be able to watch some TV or a film together on e.g. a sofa.

Would this bother you?

On one hand he cares for the invalid mother who lives with him is rearing a family single-handed takes you out often is especially attentive to a daughter whose health is dodgy . On the other he _despite your repeated urging is reluctant to do a bit of rearranging in his house and to accept that changing the appearance of his home and the daily habits of those living in it would suit you.

Ditch him. Fly like the wind. Don't let the fact that you may never ever meet someone else who is willing to listen to you commenting on movies as you watch them nor the convenience of having a place close to your job to stay in affect your judgement. He's a cad.

On one hand he _cares for the invalid mother who lives with him

No, I said he gets calls to run there if she takes a bad 'episode'; she lives in a granny flat attached to his sister's house.

someone else who is willing to listen to you commenting on movies as you watch them nor

While he comments and chats through the same movies.

accept that changing the appearance of his home and the daily habits of those living in it would suit you

What about gettingban Ariel working (on the roof at the back of the house) would change the appearance of his house?

What about he and I watching TV in the sitting room while his children stay at their granny's house, would change their habits in their home?

the convenience of having a place close to your job

I already have a job convenient to my home, the job I was considering is not as secure.

If so many of your friends enjoy watching and discussing films and tv shows why can’t you just do it with them? No one person is ever going to meet all your needs, you have to spread it about a bit.

In terms of living together though I think that’s completely different, when you get your own place together it’s not unreasonable to want somewhere comfortable to watch tv.

Thank you for clearly reading my op and pertinent posts before commenting.

That was @usshua obviously, you've outdone yourself in a thread with quite a high assh*let contingent.

If so many of your friends enjoy watching and discussing films and tv shows why can’t you just do it with them? No one person is ever going to meet all your needs, you have to spread it about a bit.

Fair comment.

In terms of living together though I think that’s completely different, when you get your own place together it’s not unreasonable to want somewhere comfortable to watch tv.

Yeah that's my point.

So it might be a case of you as a couple starting anew, somewhere conveniently located for your various work/family obligations rather than you moving in to a place that might never feel like home to you?

Otherwise all the give seems to be on your side, not his?

So it might be a case of you as a couple starting anew, somewhere conveniently located for your various work/family obligations rather than you moving in to a place that might never feel like home to you?

For various reasons that would never ever happen . And I honestly wouldn't mind, he and his family are very lucky and have a lovely (to me, it wouldn't be everyone's cup of tea)) housely location. He is v deeply attached to his home and hometown.

*house in a lovely location.

Anyway this had segwayed into various much wider questions, which is understandable; but I really just wanted perspectives on this bug bear I have with the no comfortable place to watch a bit of TV if you'd like to.

Stick a DVD in one of the three consoles. Press play. Job done. Could have saved you pages of arguing and being aggressive to other posters.

It seems like it’s going really well so far, you enjoy each other’s company and do lots of fun and interesting things together - I don’t know if ‘several months’ is still early days but I’d be tempted to make the most of everything in the relationship that is working fine so far. The way he lives is part of who he is, and it seems as though you like him that way? If the relationship goes on to become a longer term thing and you’re spending more time there it would be a relatively easy fix to get the sitting room tv to broadcast the stuff you want to see?

Back again Mission.

We've already been through this.

Also that wouldn't let me watch TV, would it. Well done on missing the main point.

I'm only ever sharp to posters who are aggressive.

You seem weirdly determined to keep going at this and posting when I've been ignoring your posts and it must be clear to you.

Your repeated posts saying "stick the dvd in and press a button" when I've explained that doesn't happen and what actually happens make it seem like you enjoy goading people or arguing or are on some kind of autism or mental health spectrum, I just don't know.

In any case, I'm returning to not engaging you, maybe you should follow my example and go off and give some other posters the benefit of your advice.

Otherwise all the give seems to be on your side, not his?

Yes, in the wider context, I already fit into he and his family's life and would do even more so if we get into commitment. I suppose that's often the deal if you get involved with a widower who has a family.

I know where you're coming from Iownmany! and it is annoying.

I want to either watch a film properly - relaxed and immersed and next to someone I love, or I'd rather not bother. Sitting on separate wooden chairs thinking about your bum hurting is not the way.

All these "oh, I'm far too intellectual to focus my whole existence around a television, which ovbiously you're clearly trying to force this poor renaissance man to do" are amusing me though :)

But you also say he doesn't want to watch series and discuss them with you. TBH I would probably bin off a partner who not only wanted to watch telly endlessly but expected me to sit through crap, too and participate in discussions of whatever crap was playing.
I'd be perfectly happy to let a house guest (or anyone else in the house) watch telly in the evenings, but not bore me with it. You watch your telly, I'll read my book, thanks.

You're missing the point that it doesn't matter what you think is normal (and there are at least tens of thousands of people who think that a massive TV in the bedroom is perfectly normal, plus many who have a TV in every single room in their house, including the bathroom if they can afford it) - it's what the person whose house it is thinks that matters.

Actually it does matter what I think is normal when I'm considering compatibility for a relationship that's becoming long term.

who not only wanted to watch telly endlessly

For the umpteenth time, I only watch TV occasionally. I do lots of different things, far more than him actually - though of course kids take up a lot of time).

Watching the off series and naturally discussing it is one of many many things I enjoy doing with a partner. I keep having to saybtjis but it's as if some posters can only think in extremes.