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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal to have somewhere comfortable to watch TV/a film

208 replies

Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:14

Been seeing a man for several months. He's a widower with teenage children. We meet once a week usually. We eat out, go for drives etc but sometimes (before/after the above or just on its own) sit in his home.

He has nowhere to sit comfortably and watch a working TV/a film.

(The main TV is in his kitchen-dining room, where you'd have to sit on a dining chair at the dining table, obviously. His sitting room has a TV used only for games by his sons.)

He seems to have zero problem with this and is happy to sit with nothing to watch, chatting. I happy to chat to some extent, bug beyond that think it's normal to be able to watch some TV or a film together on e.g. a sofa.

Would this bother you?

OP posts:
topcat2014 · 11/02/2019 18:52

I like watching TV, and am not ashamed to admit it.
I also like watching the news.
So, I would struggle if there was no routine place to watch standard free to air tv on demand.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:52

And he doesn't want a telly in his sitting room.

Missing the point that not wanting a TV in the bedroom is understandable and not unusual. Not wanting a TV in your sitting room/lounge is decidedly more unusual.

Plus as I said - TV watching is in the kitchen-dining room, at a dining table. Do it's not that he doesn't want a tv, hes just happy to watch it at a dining table, which I find uncomfortable and a bit strange.

OP posts:
HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 11/02/2019 18:59

I agree with you OP, it is unusual. But seeing as it's his house and his kids and his family set-up, I think YABU to ask him to change it. If you lived there it would be a different story.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:00

What games console is it? If it’s connected to the WiFi, you can possibly download Netflix onto it and stream films on the telly.

There are three of them there - Xbox and playstation of different ages/types. Beyond me I'm afraid.

OP posts:
AngelaStorm73 · 11/02/2019 19:00

This is how most of my family live. Tv not a focal point and not very important. Tablets/iPads/laptops used if anything, read, play games, instruments. Tv used for occasional (Xmas) viewing or gaming (teenagers). It's just a different way to live.
I currently have TV in front room but not a massive fan. Nowhere else to put it, though.
I hate Tv's in bedrooms. Would rather go to the cinema for movies, read in bed, and chat/eat/drink/play cards etc. With friends.
I never watch Tv in company.

fruityb · 11/02/2019 19:06

You can get Netflix on any of those

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:07

I feel like it's being missed that he does watch TV - news, the soapsvhis daughter watches (by default), some documentaries - he just watches them all in the kitchen dining room.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:08

You can get Netflix on any of those

Now posters will say I'm being even more unreasonable expecting him to subscribe bro and pay for Netflix in his home, mostly for me visiting Wink.

OP posts:
2019Dancerz · 11/02/2019 19:11

Any ten year old can put Netflix onto a console (assuming you have a Netflix subscription). Most five year olds could figure out how to play a dvd on one. No cable changing required at all. Sounds like he wants everything his way. Has he made any effort for you in general?

Asta19 · 11/02/2019 19:11

I rarely watch TV now, however I do not think you are BU at all. I may not watch a lot of TV but I still have a tv in the living room with a comfy sofa. Even I like to relax and watch a film sometimes etc. To not have a space to do that seems odd IMO. Definitely look into Netflix. I think that is your best bet. Also, just talk to him. Tell him what you have told us. You’re not asking for the moon on a stick here! So he should be willing to listen and work out a solution with you. If he isn’t, then I’d be questioning just how much this relationship means to him.

2019Dancerz · 11/02/2019 19:11

No, if YOU have Netflix you can log on to it from somewhere else. Pretty sure you can get i player etc too, they are free

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:12

This is how most of my family live. Tv not a focal point and not very important.

Are you reading my posts? It is a focal point, but in the kitchen-dining room.

OP posts:
MakeItAmazing · 11/02/2019 19:14

Is his dd really ill or does she pretend as she wants her father to herself ?

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:29

I may not watch a lot of TV but I still have a tv in the living room with a comfy sofa. Even I like to relax and watch a film sometimes etc

Thats pretty much where I stand. I like a range of things, but it would be nice to sometimes be able to watch some TV or a film on a comfortable seat/on the sofa together.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:32

Is his dd really ill or does she pretend as she wants her father to herself ?

Oh no, not at all - she's a fairly independent, football playing, good humoured girl who's always been nice to me. They've told them it's not genetic but appendicitis is rife I'd their family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:32

*in their family.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:33

I will look into netflix, though I don't have much spare money and tend to avoid subscription things. I just watch what I can find free online.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 19:35

(she's v sport and friend oriented and not remotely 'needy' is what I was trying to say).

OP posts:
Chasingsquirrels · 11/02/2019 19:37

You don't need Netflix, you can access plenty of free channels online, you just need a platform to access them on the lounge tv.
So games console, firestick etc.
BBC iPlayer, ITVplayer, All4 etc
Do they only watch freeview on the kitchen/diner tv? No streaming services in the house?

SleepingStandingUp · 11/02/2019 19:37

I do get OP. There's a difference between sitting at the dinner table and watching Emmerdale with your daughter than snuggling up on the sofa and watching a movie together. No one Netflix and Chills on a hard kitchen chair!!

However it's very early in a relationship to demand he changes everything for you. Do you have Netflix or Amazon Prime thst you could log into at his occasionally?

TheFifthKey · 11/02/2019 19:41

It wouldn’t be about the TV for me - I like to chat but I do like to cuddle up nice and comfy with DP - it’s nice to be somewhere you can drape your legs over someone or snuggle nicely. I’d miss that much more than TV.

labazsisgoingmad · 11/02/2019 19:45

perhaps as you only see each other once a week he prefers chatting

TheEmojiFormerlyKnownAsPrince · 11/02/2019 19:45

I’m with the bf.

I never watch tv or Netflix or anything like it. We have one but it’s hardly ever switched on.

Stefoscope · 11/02/2019 19:46

Do either of you have a laptop? You could watch DVDs/netflix on that in the living room, not too obtrusive and can be quickly packed up at the end of the night.

UnderHerEye · 11/02/2019 19:50

OP, slightly sensitive subject here, but maybe the DVD’s belonged to his deceased spouse?

Maybe he just isn’t ready to sit and cuddle watching tv yet, especially if that’s what they used to do.