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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal to have somewhere comfortable to watch TV/a film

208 replies

Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:14

Been seeing a man for several months. He's a widower with teenage children. We meet once a week usually. We eat out, go for drives etc but sometimes (before/after the above or just on its own) sit in his home.

He has nowhere to sit comfortably and watch a working TV/a film.

(The main TV is in his kitchen-dining room, where you'd have to sit on a dining chair at the dining table, obviously. His sitting room has a TV used only for games by his sons.)

He seems to have zero problem with this and is happy to sit with nothing to watch, chatting. I happy to chat to some extent, bug beyond that think it's normal to be able to watch some TV or a film together on e.g. a sofa.

Would this bother you?

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/02/2019 19:50

OP get a fire stick. One off payment of (I think) £40 (mine was 25 in Black Friday sale) and you can watch all the catch up channels, YouTube, and if you subscribe to amazon prime or Netflix you can watch both those. But you don’t have to. There’s plenty to watch without those.

Purpleartichoke · 11/02/2019 19:56

Watching tv or a movie with my partner is one of my favorite things. We get to cuddle and then dissect our favorite shows. It’s part of how we initially bonded long distance, talking on the phone about the latest episode of our favorites.

So for me, this person would not be a good fit. I want someone who is chomping at the bit to watch the latest episode of The Magicians.

Only you can decide if this makes him the wrong person for you. Whatever you do, I would stop trying to change his setup. You need to evaluate him as he is.

MitziK · 11/02/2019 20:06

*Missing the point that not wanting a TV in the bedroom is understandable and not unusual. Not wanting a TV in your sitting room/lounge is decidedly more unusual.

Plus as I said - TV watching is in the kitchen-dining room, at a dining table. Do it's not that he doesn't want a tv, hes just happy to watch it at a dining table, which I find uncomfortable and a bit strange.*

You're missing the point that it doesn't matter what you think is normal (and there are at least tens of thousands of people who think that a massive TV in the bedroom is perfectly normal, plus many who have a TV in every single room in their house, including the bathroom if they can afford it) - it's what the person whose house it is thinks that matters.

A few of my friends have the same set up. One would laugh her head off if she was told she was strange, the others would probably point out it's their home and their choice because their lives do not revolve around slumping on a sofa for hours on end - their sitting rooms are for sitting and talking, not for TV.

If it makes you feel happier, I think that you probably think the same as a majority of people these days, so it is normal/common to have a telly in the sitting room/plus kitchen/plus bedrooms.

But that doesn't mean he has to have one in there to accommodate you.

SoyDora · 11/02/2019 20:14

Just realised that my IL’s only have a TV in the kitchen and not in the living room, never thought about it before!

Wishiwasincornwall · 11/02/2019 20:14

If you are only meeting up once a week pretty sure you can go without TV for one day/night. Is it more about not being able to relax and sit in comfort in the living room because his sons are in there playing video games and it feels like their space so you are relegated to the kitchen? Although this has got me thinking of watching my tv sat at the dining table... I'd probably be more alert and stand a better chance of getting to the good bits before falling asleep. Grin

JudgeRindersMinder · 11/02/2019 20:24

Sofa in the kitchen/dining room? That’s how I watch most tv

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:27

*OP, slightly sensitive subject here, but maybe the DVD’s belonged to his deceased spouse?

Maybe he just isn’t ready to sit and cuddle watching tv yet, especially if that’s what they used to do.*

It was quite some time ago.

The DVDs are silly comedies (Adam Sandler, whom one of his sons thinks is the greatest actor to ever live), action films, some family ... And then oldy westerns and old films from our region - which he had told me are among his favourite films, so I don't think so.

I could be wrong but he just doesn't seem to be a chill on the sofa and watch some TV/film kind of person.

Obviously it is related to bring a single dad who no doubt didn't get time to sit around but also I just don't think he's that type of person. He doesn't do sport (he used to do one but gave up) of exercise but he's weirdly restless.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:27

*or exercise.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:29

Sofa in the kitchen/dining room? That’s how I watch most tv

I've said a few times now; it's at a dining table in the kitchen-dining room.

If there was a sofa, i probably wouldn't have made this thread.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 11/02/2019 20:31

If he’s not that kind of person then he’s not... if you’re only seeing him one night a week then why would you expect him to change things from the way he likes them? If he doesn’t enjoy snuggling on the sofa watching TV then he’s not going to enjoy spending an evening with you doing that.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:33

others would probably point out it's their home and their choice because their lives do not revolve around slumping on a sofa for hours on end - their sitting rooms are for sitting and talking, not for TV.

Oh my .. what is with these sweeping, polar opposite scenarios/assumptions - I've said I am happy to do a wide range of things, including just sitting chatting, I occasionally would like to watch some TV or a film together, not sitting on a dining chair at a dining table.

OP posts:
FinallyHere · 11/02/2019 20:34

Not sure who suggested 'Cuddling up and draping legs over' may not be that ideal in a house with his teenage children

But then I would much prefer to chat rather than watch tv together. I tend to fall asleep in front of the opening credits of anything.

Happy to talk into the night without the tv.

Jamhandprints · 11/02/2019 20:35

I love watching TV but lots of people don't. Why should it take centre stage in his house if nobody in the family wants that? Some people consider it more sophisticated to sit in their kitchen/ diner more, talking, drinking wine etc and not in the living room.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:35

If he doesn’t enjoy snuggling on the sofa watching TV then he’s not going to enjoy spending an evening with you doing that.

Snuggling is a side concern, i'd just like to park my arse on an armchair or sofa to watch TV/a film; is that really so much to expect Grin.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:39

I love watching TV but lots of people don't. Why should it take centre stage in his house if nobody in the family wants that? Some people consider it more sophisticated to sit in their kitchen/ diner more, talking, drinking wine etc and not in the living room.

At this point I have a cartoon in my head repeatedly banging it's head against a wall in utter frustration.

  • TV takes a central role in their home, it is on pretty much all the time. It is on news, or soaps, or documentaries, or mostly on music channels.

But it is only in the kitchen-dining room. Where there are no comfortable seats, only dining chairs.*

Please - how many times do I have to post this.

OP posts:
MongerTruffle · 11/02/2019 20:39

If you want to watch DVDs on the PlayStation, you literally just put the disc in as you would with game, then press the icon that comes up on the screen.

2019Dancerz · 11/02/2019 20:47

So what happens if you say this to him? He’s like “let’s watch this programme before bed” and you say I don’t want to, it’s not comfortable here, if only we could cuddle up together on the sofa...
Basically there’s nowt so queer as folk and he is possibly too old to be bothered adapting to a different way.. is he lovely in other ways as he sounds a bit complicated, and it’s not fair your always travelling.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:48

Do they only watch freeview on the kitchen/diner tv? No streaming services in the house?

They have music TV channels, not sure if they're on Freeview (?)

(I've never paid for TV and am pretty frugal due to low income, just watch whatever I get on license/Freeview: twice the channels cause bear border between two countries, also watch YouTube a bit).

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:49

*near

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:51

If you want to watch DVDs on the PlayStation, you literally just put the disc in as you would with game, then press the icon that comes up on the screen.

Then I seriously don't know what his youngest son (who is genuinely lovely btw) had done because there are about 10 steps to watching a dvd on one of the three (I think) games consoles that are set up on that TV.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 11/02/2019 20:52

But it’s his house and he doesn’t want to watch TV in the living room on the sofa! As you’ve said yourself, he’s not that type of person! So yeah, you can make him provide some sort of TV watching equipment in the lounge for the nights you’re there, but he won’t enjoy doing it with you 🤷🏻‍♀️

2019Dancerz · 11/02/2019 20:56

Hmm, this is interesting me so I’ve googled watching dvds on Xbox 360 and ps2 (older versions of consoles in case that’s what they have) and both are just as simple as I imagined to watch a dvd. Is the child trying to switch to a DVD player instead of using whatever console is plugged in? If it’s a switch or an old wii then that’s different I don’t think they do it at all.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 20:56

He’s like “let’s watch this programme before bed” and ..

He never would, I suppose that's part of the problem.

He has wanted me to see his favourite films and I have. He's open (enthusiastic even) to seeing whatever I suggest at the cinema, and open to watching films on DVD that I suggest (he said he enjoyed a favourite of mine and was going to recommend it to his friend for example) bug I have yet to suggest TV programmes to him because the TV in the sitting room doesn't work (as a TV) and I don't want to watch TV sitting at the dining room table. He would never suggest watching TV.

OP posts:
2019Dancerz · 11/02/2019 20:59

Well ask him to watch something he’d like at your house, and when he suggests going to his instead just say no, there’s nowhere comfortable to watch movies there and see what he says. It really shouldn’t be hard to fix this, is he willing to try?

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:00

But it’s his house and he doesn’t want to watch TV in the living room on the sofa! As you’ve said yourself, he’s not that type of person! So yeah, you can make him provide some sort of TV watching equipment in the lounge for the nights you’re there, but he won’t enjoy doing it with you

Yep, which is an incompatibility (and which to be honest, I find weird - I have a huge range of friends and acquaintances with many varied hobbied and interests and I know noone else who doesn't enjoy sometimes watching tv, (whether it's on a TV or other device).

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