Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it's normal to have somewhere comfortable to watch TV/a film

208 replies

Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 18:14

Been seeing a man for several months. He's a widower with teenage children. We meet once a week usually. We eat out, go for drives etc but sometimes (before/after the above or just on its own) sit in his home.

He has nowhere to sit comfortably and watch a working TV/a film.

(The main TV is in his kitchen-dining room, where you'd have to sit on a dining chair at the dining table, obviously. His sitting room has a TV used only for games by his sons.)

He seems to have zero problem with this and is happy to sit with nothing to watch, chatting. I happy to chat to some extent, bug beyond that think it's normal to be able to watch some TV or a film together on e.g. a sofa.

Would this bother you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:33

*granny's

OP posts:
Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 11/02/2019 21:34

I agree with you OP. It is a bit odd. FYI you can get BBC player and IVT player on the playstation. So you could watch those free (with his TV licence)

WhyDidIEatThat · 11/02/2019 21:37

This thread is so weird 😂 I can’t see the issue at all?

It’s like saying ‘I find it odd that the man in my life doesn’t like to go for a long run on a Sunday morning like I do, he sometimes rides a bike on Saturdays instead’. Or ‘I find it odd that my boyfriend reads lots of literary fiction and, unlike me, not much sci-fi so we can’t discuss it’.

Arnoldillo · 11/02/2019 21:39

Some people do things differently to you, OP. It's weird for you. It's obviously not weird for him. He probably thinks you're a bit weird going through so much angst, inventing mysterious cables, moving devices from room to room etc in pursuit of relaxation. It does seem an awful pantomime especially given you're only there for a couple of hours a week.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/02/2019 21:39

I’m with you. If he wants you to stay over, he should want to make you feel comfortable thus accommodate you within reason as long as doesn’t cost a fortune. These suggestions don’t and many are free. Netflix to just one source is cheap.

Racecardriver · 11/02/2019 21:40

Maybe he does it discourage his children from watching? Or he just uses his laptop/iPad? We don’t have a tv at all. They’re redundant.

MissionItsPossible · 11/02/2019 21:42

having given up in the instructions to play a dvd on one of the consoles - I don't remember cause it's a while back. Everything was always being done in a mad rush cause the youngest son was departing for grabbing while grabbing games discs and trying to explain instructions.

There's nothing to explain - turn whichever of the 3 consoles you want on, configure it with the TV, put the disc in and press play Grin

I'm sorry if you think that this is me 'vehemently' telling you you're wrong but it's simple. If you know how to use a DVD player then just treat the console in the same way.

CantStopMeNow · 11/02/2019 21:46

Why haven't you asked him/dc to show you how to change over to dvd so you can do it yourself?
No point whingeing if you can't be arsed being proactive.

Have you ever said to him that you feel uncomfortable sitting on hard dining room chairs or that it spoils your tv watching experience?

You only see each other once a week so tv should be the last thing on your mind in the short time that you have with him.

MatildaTheCat · 11/02/2019 21:46

I’m with you but it doesn’t sound as if you’ve really made much of a deal about it so he hasn’t really made much effort to sort it out. Because it obviously is possible to sort out without too much trouble.

During the week when you aren’t there they quite possibly live rather differently from when you are there so he hasn’t realised that when you are there as a couple without the boys then yes, sitting on a sofa, glass of wine and a decent box set or movie is the way a huge number of adults chose to relax.

Perhaps send him a semi lighthearted message a few days before your next visit begging him to get the tv up and running before you arrive? Offer to reward whoever can give you clear and coherent instructions?

FWIW we never did get to grips with working our DVD player on our older tv, it was such a performance of losing sound/ not finding the correct channel that we gave up. The newer set is easy.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:47

*This thread is so weird 😂 I can’t see the issue at all?

It’s like saying ‘I find it odd that the man in my life doesn’t like to go for a long run on a Sunday morning like I do, he sometimes rides a bike on Saturdays instead’. Or ‘I find it odd that my boyfriend reads lots of literary fiction and, unlike me, not much sci-fi so we can’t discuss it’.*

Out of my family, friends, acquaintances, work colleagues etc etc. (And I have a very wide and varied acquaintance and have lived in 5 countries to date) I don't know one other person who does not have s comfortable seat and /or sofa in the same room as a working TV - do that, if they want to watch some TV or a film on a comfortable seat, they can.

He wants to see me at his home for his convenience and I am fine with that, but there isn't one place in his home we can sit in a comfortable seat and watch some TV, if I would like to do that instead of the other things we also do (dinner, walk, drive, party, pub, cinema etc.).

Not sure what's so weird about that.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:50

... inventing mysterious cables

What??

It does seem an awful pantomime especially given you're only there for a couple of hours a week.

Who said I was only there a couple of hours?

OP posts:
DParse · 11/02/2019 21:52

OP, do you love him? If so, why turn the telly thing into a big deal? He does it his way in his house, you do it your way in yours. Both are fine. Can't you just enjoy being with him, without worrying about this?

I don't live with my DP, and he doesn't do things the same way I would do them - but I absolutely love staying with him, and fit in with his way of doing things when I'm staying there. He does likewise.

Neither of us has a telly/DVD player, BTW. We don't watch TV or films at all (our respective DC watch things via iPlayer on their phones). We listen to Radio 3 and Radio 4. He has it on too loudly for my liking - but if it's in his house, it's up to him. He also gets to choose the station and the volume. As I do in my house.

PCohle · 11/02/2019 21:53

I agree with WhydidI - it seems like you are trying to impose your hobby on him when he's just not that interested. Yes your hobby is really really common, but imagine you were a cyclist and were insisting he buy a bike and join you on a bike ride several times a week.

Yes I think his set up is unusual, but you don't live with him and I don't think you're in a position to make demands.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:53

Why haven't you asked him/dc to show you how to change over to dvd so you can do it yourself?
No point whingeing if you can't be arsed being proactive.

I can, I'm just sick of doing it. Why can't he just get the ariel fixed so weren't not limited to dvds in the sitting room? He's talked about me moving in, would the situation continue then?

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:54

Have you ever said to him that you feel uncomfortable sitting on hard dining room chairs or that it spoils your tv watching experience?

I've already answered that above, I said I preferred to sit on a sofa, somewhere comfortable to watch a bit of TV/a dvd.

OP posts:
Mabumssare · 11/02/2019 21:55

Might have already been posted - could you buy a second cheap DVD player? Then there is one in each room ?

Also I don't get all these people thinking its weird to want to be able to watch tv and films in your partners home. My husband and I like to watch tv together, we also like to go out or chat or ignore each other on the couch while we share at our phones Grin

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:56

I agree with WhydidI - it seems like you are trying to impose your hobby on him when he's just not that interested. Yes your hobby is really really common, but imagine you were a cyclist and were insisting he buy a bike and join you on a bike ride several times a week.

Yep, ultimately it doesn't matter if no-one else I know has nowhere comfortable to watch some TV.bits his setup/priorities and an incompatibility.

OP posts:
DParse · 11/02/2019 21:56

OP, why is watching telly/a DVD such a big deal? I get that you'd rather do it somewhere comfortable. But if you and your DP are doing dinners, walks, parties, drives out, pubs, cinemas etc - all of which sound fab - why get so worked up about watching telly on the sofa, if that's not his thing? Confused

Mabumssare · 11/02/2019 21:58

Ask him to get the ariel fixed as a Valentine's gift to you 😁

Seriously if you are at the point of almost moving in just say to him look I want to watch the t.v. in the living room can I organise getting the ariel replaced and hopefully he either say go ahead or that he will sort it.

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 21:59

If so, why turn the telly thing into a big deal? He does it his way in his house, you do it your way in yours. Both are fine. Can't you just enjoy being with him, without worrying about this?

2 main reasons;

We were discussing long-term commitment and me moving in.

Secondly, I try to fit in with his life and do what he enjoys, it would be nice to have some reciprocity.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 11/02/2019 21:59

We never watch TV on our TV, ours isn't connected to an aerial either. I haven't had a TV connected to an aerial for about 8 years.

We stream stuff and watch it on our computers on our own. It is a bit weird I suppose but I don't think it's that unusual any more. I have loads of series I keep wanting to watch with DH but we never get around to it.

Arnoldillo · 11/02/2019 22:01

OP some people don't even own a telly. Imagine! The horror!

Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 22:01

OP, why is watching telly/a DVD such a big deal? I get that you'd rather do it somewhere comfortable. But if you and your DP are doing dinners, walks, parties, drives out, pubs, cinemas etc - all of which sound fab - why get so worked up about watching telly on the sofa, if that's not his thing? confused

My point in mentioning those was to make it clear to some posters that I am not wanting to watch TV exclusively or regularly.bitbwiukd just be nice to on a comfortable seat when I'd like to relax that way, and I can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Iownmanyleatherboundbooks · 11/02/2019 22:02

Posters like the above.

OP posts:
CantStopMeNow · 11/02/2019 22:03

Talking about moving in?
You've only been seeing each other a few months - and once a week at that!

If you moved in then the 'normal' thing would be to communicate about what you're bringing with you, where it goes etc so naturally you would end up doing something re the living room.

However, communication is obviously not a strong point for either of you....so i'd be concentrating on that rather than discussions/ideas about moving in.