Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

[mamaandthegirls]

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

Exactly how I was brought up and how all children in my family are treated particularly as we are/were frequently asked what we want to eat so we have an input in what everyone gets. If you don't eat it you get it at the next meal. If you don't eat it then you are obviously not hungry so get no other food.

I'd do the same, since it was a meal that you know she likes really. She was just having an obstreperous moment.

If it was something new or funny lookin' I'd try her with it again but wouldn't be too surprised if she still refused.

Then I'd eat it, and sort her out something else for tea.

I would do exactly the same as you. No pandering.

I keep the leftover food, too. If they don't finish their dinner, or say they are not hungry, it goes back in the fridge and they can have it later if/when they get hungry. If they really hate eating the food that is cooked (ie: something with mushrooms, which makes them gag), they have to make a good go of eating the rest of the meal, and then may have some fruit to finish off.

I would have given her a sandwich but sounds like I’m in the minority!

I was a fussy child and forced to eat a lot of stuff I didn’t like, I don’t think it gave me a very good relationship with food tbh.

My mum told me if I didn't eat my dinner I'd get it for breakfast. She wasn't bluffing. So I say it's fine!
I'm not a fussy eater at all and will probably do the same to my son. I often give him leftovers as a meal and if he doesn't touch his lunch he gets it later in the day.

It might be useful to ask yourself WHY you wantet her to have the roast dinner.
In your case DD seems to have been happy to do it, so no harm done. But you might set yourself up for a battle of wills if she genuinely doesn't like something.

In your case I would not have offered an alternative, said something along the lines of "You don't have to eat it" and moved on.
There is nothing to be gained from turning food into a battle ground.

I'm with @spoonblender, if you know she likes it this is fine.

Pandered? She's 2.

My MIL proudly told us that DN had refused to eat something (a food that is known to be a highly allergic food for some people, DN isn't but that's not the point in my mind as children can show reactions at any point)
She just kept giving DN it until she ate it. DN was 2 at the time.

If she'd pulled that stunt with our DS she could have killed him. He has an anaphylatic reaction to a food. He didn't show the allergy until he was 3. He has often refused foods, only after we found out about his allergy we found out the sauces etc that he used to refuse contained the allergen. Smart kid.

I mentioned this to MIL and she realised what she had done to DN was at best mean and at worst could have been dangerous.

I think this was perfectly reasonable as you know she likes roast, and I do the same when it's a good I know they usually eat (as I assume it's lack of hunger/too much excitement about guests etc that's preventing them eating it).

If I try new foods and they aren't keen I'll offer something else. (And reintroduce another time).

If my children could choose what they ate, they would barely eat their veggies and fruit. This is the main reason we enforce this.

I'd try the leftovers but if my child didn't eat them they certainly wouldn't be going to bed hungry. That is just out of order in my opinion.

I hate waste so YANBU. There's a Tesco delivery thread that's bothering me because of wasted plastic.

I'm with you OP. It's how I was raised and I'll eat anything these days. A number of my friends though who present choices, allow children to dictate the menu or turn food down all seem to be producing very fussy eaters who expect to always be pandered to.

@waspersting I understand and agree with your point about allergies but I agree with what your MIL did. I offer fresh/raw fruit and veg to my daughter at almost every meal. Most of the time she doesn't eat it but eventually she picks up a bit of apple and gives it a try. Familiar exposure is a good way to introduce foods to children.

Well done OP

What was the film, years ago where a teenage DD refuses point blank to eat a kipper and its brought out again for every meal for several days until eventually it's 'accidentally' given to the cat? I'm thinking it might have been Spring and Port Wine. but not sure.

I think in OP scenario absolutely the right thing to do though.

The girl in the film was then going to her friends and her friends mum was feeding her.

I wouldn’t have forced her to eat the roast dinner.

Don’t you have days where you don’t fancy something you usually like?

I’ve always allowed DD full choice in what she eats, what she leaves etc.

Interesting at the replies @WasperSting I do agree about the allergies but yes you can pander to a child no matter if they're 2 or 10! 2 year olds can quickly change their mind about things they want. As an example, there has been a few occasions where DD didn't want to eat the tea I put in front of her but wanted potatoes instead of rice with her meal, if I was to give in to her - which no way in hell I would! That would be pandering to her because she wants something else than what everyone has on their plate. Why should I go out my way to make something different on her plate when everyone else has rice?

I think it depends. If it's something you know they like then fair enough. If they don't like it, it's just going to turn it into a bigger issue if you try and force it.

If my daughter is hungry her mood and behaviour can be awful so sometimes it's better if sheeats something rather than we all suffer later

I don't make separate food ubless it's something I know she doesn't like. So if I make a curry which she hates I'll get her something else. If I am doing something she is normally OK with but refuse to eat, it's bread yoghurt or fruit if she is still hungry, not something cooked specially

I'd encourage her to eat the roast but would never have my child going to bed hungry.

You lost me at 'she can go to bed hungry'. I would never allow my children to experience that. Never use food or lack of as a punishment.

Fine to ask her if she was now ready to have her roast but not to basically force her to have it vs going to bed hungry.

Sounds to me like this was more about you taking the opportunity to score points against your partner's mum than any concern about food waste or what your dd wanted. Looks like you won. For what it's worth.

Im with you on this one OP.. i was brought up the same and ill eat virtually anything. There are a small handful of things I dont like, but i know that because ive tried them.

DPs mum would pander to them all and male 5 different meals to suit what each kid WANTED every day. Hes the fussiest git ive ever tried to feed (he cooks too..i mean try to get to eat food i want when i cook)