Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

323 replies

mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 16:49

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 19:57

Can I just say I don't find peoples relationships / reactions to food "hilarious" it is saddening some people on here had eating disorders due to their relationship with food. I just find it funny that people say I am controlling my daughter? What do people expect me to do? Just say "ok love, well here's an entire new meal for you!" I don't think so!

OP posts:
Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 19:59

Also can I ask what other people would do then? Would you just make an entire new meal for your child to eat and bin the meal they turned down?

OP posts:
NChangeForNoReason · 08/01/2019 20:04

Completely agree and this approach is the same as mine.

I find the difference between my DD and my DSD eating habits shocking in there later teen life and it irritates me intensely when I have to tend to my DSD fussy habits which could have been avoided by using a different approach!!!

planespotting · 08/01/2019 20:05

But OP, in this case, you weren't even at your place, and your DP's mum wanted to offer a different meal for dinner. Why didn't you let her? BecauSe your mum didn't when you were young?
If I was her and my grandchild was visiting I would want them to have a good memory of their visit and offer an alternative.
Also can I ask what other people would do then? Would you just make an entire new meal for your child to eat and bin the meal they turned down?
Ok so I would have made dinner for everybody, and offer her the lunch and if she didn't like that then offered her whatever everyone else was having or the sandwich that was being made for her.

You are not even asking if we would make a different lunch.
Lunch is gone. This is a second meal where you would offer the roast and what if she doesn't eat that?

You have been asked what you would do if she refused but you didn't answer.

Also, I don't bin the food my DC rejects, either me or DH eat it

Laiste · 08/01/2019 20:05

There is some middle ground between you controlling your DD and she controlling you. Compromise.

Teaching a child the art of compromise is part of parenting.

Compare this idea with the 'grovelling' and 'controlling' language you are using about your DD.

What would i have done? I'd not have reheated the meal because personally i could not face a plate of reheated roast. If it were a different sort of meal i might have re offered it. If she'd refused it I'd have offered her a simple meal before bed. Like, dare i say it, a sandwich :)

Would you really have sent her to bed hungry?

Laiste · 08/01/2019 20:07

I have four kids and have used the same approach to food with all four.

They're all different.

blessedmummyov5 · 08/01/2019 20:11

As a kid if we didn't eat a meal we got it for the next meal n that meant having it for breakfast if we didn't eat our dinner happened a few times lol n I turned out fine infact I will eat most things as a result as do my kids although they dinni get there dinner for breakfast but will keep meal bk if not eaten to reheat for wen they r hungry lol

Amallamard · 08/01/2019 20:12

It's so easy to be smug about your parenting when you have a great eater/sleeper/whatever. I found out the hard way* with subsequent children (as I'm sure many others have), that we have a whole lot less influence over these things than we'd like to think.

To anyone with a fussy eater reading this thread and feeling like you're getting it all wrong by pandering, take heart. My dreadfully fussy child who I made worse by trying to force the issue, has turned into a teen that will eat pretty much anything. We achieved that by pandering to her! Literally only gave her the food she wanted to eat. Then softly, slowly, gently introduced other things until eventually, she realised that she didn't need to be scared of food. The approach was taken after watching Tanya Byron (who actually knows what she's talking about).

  • Also had the opposite experience as while I had a brilliant sleeper followed by a dreadful one I also had a dreadful eater followed by a brilliant one (which is when I realised I didn't need to keep beating myself up about it).
Worsethingshappen · 08/01/2019 20:15

OP - you are missing something.

  1. Is it reasonable to offer one healthy meal to your child on a “take it or leave it” basis, and if they leave it then there is no alternative for that meal? - Yes
  2. Is it reasonable to remake a whole new meal for lunch because your child hasn’t eaten the first choice - No
  3. Is it reasonable to feel bitter when a child refuses a meal and then reheat it for the next meal just to prove a point - No, that’s absurd. And childish. And so twisted.
TwiceAsNice22 · 08/01/2019 20:16

You don’t seem to be really reading people’s responses. Most have agreed that they would have offered the roast again at dinner. What a lot of people have disagreed with is the idea of sending a 2 year old to bed hungry (almost gleefully by the sounds of your posts).

You sound very rigid in your thinking. Personally I think you shouldn’t set things in stone as your daughter is a real person with thoughts and opinions of her own. I don’t think you should “pander” to her, but I also don’t think you should set food up as a power struggle.

Morgan12 · 08/01/2019 20:16

So you are actually avoiding the question then which leads me to believe you would have sent a 2 year old to bed hungry. Which I think is disgusting. I wonder if you would go to bed hungry?

Worsethingshappen · 08/01/2019 20:17

OP - if you really care about what’s best for your child do read what is on the Ellyn Satter institute website. That’s objective, research based and intelligent. Not just a gut reaction.

Morgan12 · 08/01/2019 20:18

And to answer your question OP, yes I would bin the meal if my children didn't eat it and yes I would make them something else and continue to do so until I was satisfied that my child was well fed.

Friedspamfritters · 08/01/2019 20:19

OP the whole tone of your post just comes across as quite controlling and ott. Obviously I doubt anyone is going to pander to a child and give them anything they want. But you also have to realise that children have individual tastes and might go through periods of time when they're sensitive to certain tastes or textures (young children have a much higher sensitivity to taste than adults) and can develop anxieties around certain foods.

I wouldn't cook up chicken nuggets andchips if my toddler refused their dinner but I also wouldn't leave them hungry they'd get a boring and healthy alternative I knew they liked.

Obviously it would be stupid to waste a meal you know DD likes so it was fine to save the roast but I wouldn't get in the habit of forcing food on her she may genuinely dislike. Meal times should be relaxed and enjoyable so kids feel confident and happy to try new foods not forced into it by their parents. They should have the opportunity to develop their own tastes and become aware of their own appetites.

Friedspamfritters · 08/01/2019 20:21

And yes obviously sending a two year old to bed hungry is a stupid idea. They don't have the capacity to connect the hunger with not trying their dinner, it's just bad for them and will create stress and anxiety around food. The last thing any parent wants to do is set up the dinner table as a place to exert control.

PoutySprout · 08/01/2019 20:21

Also can I ask what other people would do then? Would you just make an entire new meal for your child to eat and bin the meal they turned down?

I’d have given her a say on what we were eating in the first place.

planespotting · 08/01/2019 20:24

Something just crossed my mind 🤔

Was this a double power struggle?
Mum-daughter/ mum- DP's mum?

Maybe I am wrong but reading the OP again it does sound like the question is also put on DP's mum's offer

Cherries101 · 08/01/2019 20:26

I have always done this. Leftovers get refridgerated not just for kids but adults too and they need to be eaten at the next meal. I’m a bit shocked by the wasteful practices of some of the posters here.

Rodenhide · 08/01/2019 20:26

I was quite a fussy eater as a child but I agree with OP. Unless you know that your daughter really, truly hates roast then she should have to eat it. You're right when you say "If they're hungry then they'll eat". It's a phrase not used enough today.

user1457017537 · 08/01/2019 20:29

Well I disagree. For a start she is 2 and a half. I think it’s cruel to keep serving food that has been refused and is no longer fresh. I’m with MIL all the way. Ffs she’s a baby

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 08/01/2019 20:33

My mum would heat up our dinner for breakfast if we didn't eat it. Soon learnt to eat my food.

Dimsumlosesum · 08/01/2019 20:36

Mine don't have to eat, but if they choose not to it's only carrots or fruit if they get hungry.

HauntedPencil · 08/01/2019 20:36

I don't see any issue at all with giving her the roast at tea time because she usually eats it.

I think it's a bit dogmatic to keep giving the same meal and refuse to give anything else all day unless they eat it though

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 20:38

@Morgan12 you would really make your child another meal if they turned down the original meal you cooked and prepared? Wow! Talk about teaching your child that they can get whatever food whenever and whatever they want on their terms! Bet you'll still be making their packed lunch for them when they're 30 and in a full time job, when they've even left home! Sad.

OP posts:
Ellboo · 08/01/2019 20:39

I still hate reheated leftovers for most meals (and it’s not wasteful - we use them in new meals/soups etc instead of just dumping back on a plate and handing out).
Removing conflict and emotion around food is really valuable I think. The families I see with the happiest mealtimes are those when the food on the table is just fuel - not a power struggle.

Swipe left for the next trending thread