Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

[mamaandthegirls]

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

I would have tried them again on the roast dinner tbh because a. It's much nicer than a sandwich and would seemed better for them and b. The sandwich would be effort. But I wouldn't make a point of giving them something that they didnt want for ever and a day.

I'd probably do whatever suited me in the circumstances tbh rather than making a hard and fast rule about it.

So I think yanbu in the situation you describe but it could be unreasonable sometimes.

I think I would have keep the lunch for tea if it is something the child usually likes and enjoys as they could have just been tired or fussing when first offered.

But if offered at tea time and the child still wouldn't touch it, I think I would then offer a simple sandwich and fruit. Rather than the child totally going without

You clearly think you were right so this isn't about garnering other's thoughts on the subject. I guess you just want a pat on the back for your super no nonsense parenting

Sending children to bed without anything to eat is cruel and not something I'd allow. It's a awful attitude to have towards children, as though they're a creature to be broken into submission and not a child.

In your case I'd have offered the roast dinner later but have given a sandwich or something if that was refused. I wouldn't make a full meal but I see no harm in eggs or beans on toast or a sandwich. Sometimes I'm not in the mood to eat what I'd planned that day. I see children as no different and no I know that they don't pay the bills but I see no reason why there can't be a little give and take with them now and again. Obviously if you can't afford to do so then it's a moot point and you have bigger concerns to worry about than what they'd like to eat.

You can do all the 'right things' and still end up with a fussy eater so it's no guarantee. A friend has three children and weaned and raised them in much the same way. One is incredibly fussy. One is average and her dd will eat practically anything.

Bobbiepin I do agree about not giving in to picky eating, but as we learnt the hard way forcing a child to eat something is not the way.

mamaandthegirls As with most things. There is a balance.
We only make food at home because of DS's allergy, so we know what we put on the table is safe, but we would never ever force him to eat something at someones house/out in a restaurant because he has shown to have a weird sense about what he puts in his mouth,

I had the same attitude as you when my dc were little. Hasn’t stopped them becoming fussy eaters. One won’t eat cheese or fish, the other won’t eat meat or anything with tomatoes in.

Ultimately, I think some people just don’t like certain foods and no parenting method is going to change that.

I’d have given her a sandwich later and not made a big deal about it. I certainly wouldn’t have let a 2 year old go to bed hungry. I don’t think it’s this sort of parenting that makes or breaks a fussy eater.

A meal at someone else house will be different and the situation would be different.

If she asked for a snack then I think offering her the lunch again would be fine but tea was a whole new meal.

I personally want my child, especially as she is a DD to be able to say no and for it to be respected. Obviously there are non negotiable eg teeth brushing and essential medication but a roast dinner is not a non negotiable to me.

Have to admit I don't save the meal for later, but I do tell mine that they have what is in front of them and if they don't eat it they won t be getting anything else. If they eat it they get desert.
I am a terribly fussy eater and was so worried that they would turn out like me.

I wouldn’t send a child to bed hungry. I’d offer the roast dinner first and then a sandwich if they didn’t want it.

@waspersting is there any other way to learn with allergies? I have my DD ibuprofen knowing I am allergic to it but there's no evidence to suggest she is, and she's not. I'm not allergic to any foods but that's not saying one day she'll eat something brand new and have a reaction. There's no way to predict it.

I’m in the middle - I would save the meal and give it for tea, but if dd refuses it again she wouldn’t go to bed hungry. I’d offer a piece of toast, or a weetabix or similar.

I was never made to eat anything I didn’t like and, although I had a few fussy phases here and there, I now eat almost anything.

DH was made to eat things he disliked and he is one of the fussiest eaters I know!

YANB
However grandparents (mine, and DC DGP) will generally pander a bit more to DGD IME.

My mum to me as a child "you will get what you are given"

My mum to my DD "of course you can have x y z.. how do you want it cooked, what plate do you want it on. ."

@Franheaton actually, I was bought up to NOT waste food and have taken that from my mum. In MY house we do not waste food here, same goes for when she eats at anyone else's house.
@cowfacemonkey interesting assumption to make there, but if the shoe fits

I would keep roast and offer if daughter asked for snack before dinner. At dinner I would offer roast or whatever everyone else was having then.

If it's a meal she normally likes then it's fine to offer it to her again later. If she is hungry she will eat it. If not then she shouldn't be bribed/forced to eat something else. Although if a 2 year old was to miss 2 meals I would think there must be something wrong with them and try to find out what it is.

If you never offer her anything else, at 2, she won't be holding out for that, so there shouldn't be a problem. I wouldn't threaten her with going to bed hungry though. Agree that is cruel and if the odd time she is unsettled/unwell maybe offer her the sandwich half an hour later without making a big fuss. As long as the alternative is quite boring it shouldn't become a habit.

@TootTootPeanutbutter so if your child asked if you could make a roast chicken for lunch and you made it for the whole family but they refused to eat it, you would make them something else as it is cruel to tell them to eat it or nothing else?

There is a difference between making them eat what they specifically asked for, and making them eat what you made them without asking and they may not like.

Oh and in wealthy households in the West children don't go hungry.

Bobbiepin Maybe not. Remembering that day still makes me sick though. Luckily we live 2 minutes away from the children's hospital so I ran there with him in my arms screaming and they did what they do.
He said he didn't want it, and it's the only time I have ever said 'just try one bite'. The guilt of making him try that one bite.
Looking at it another way, as before we never forced either of the DC to eat anything before (and definitely not since) if that day hadn't happened we might never known.
Now we know, check labels and carry his epi-pen.

My dad was treated in this way- his choice was to eat meals he didn’t like or go hungry. He has a terrible relationship with food, and has some awful health conditions because of it.

You might think you have a ‘no nonsense’ approach to your DDs diet here OP but be warned that sometimes it doesn’t work out that well.

IMO sending kids to bed hungry is a pretty shitty thing to do.

Interesting as to who you've replied to, @mamaandthegirls. You've ignored everyone who agreed with you. Which further strengthens my feelings about your control issues.

Incidentally, my father was brought up in an institution where food wastage was touted as being sinful. To this day he is unable to countenance any food going in the bin even as scrapings from a plate. He is therefore grossly overweight as he eats everything. I've tried to explain to him that if he doesn't need/enjoy eating something then eating it is still a waste. He cannot comprehend this. I guess he'd be counted as a success under your aegis.

Also you can't stop a child not liking certain foods by making them eat it. However that's not the situation here as the OP's child does normally enjoy a roast dinner.

Trying to bribe and cajole children to eat things when they aren't hungry is a bad idea though - I think you risk bad manners rather than becoming fussy. They are more likely to be difficult about food to get attention and food can become a battle ground when really for a 2 year old it should be up to the parents to decide what they eat.

Yes I would. The chicken can be eaten by someone else or by the child the next day, or go in the freezer. I wouldn't make another full meal but I'd have no problem with offering something like toast, fruit, cereal or a sandwich if they really weren't in the mood. I'd never send a child to bed hungry, especially a very young child. It's cruel. Also believe it or not some children will refuse to eat certain foods no matter how hungry they become.

I'm very grateful that my family allowed me choices and though we generally ate the same meal I was always allowed an easy alternative if I asked politely. There are a few foods that I don't like,as is true of most people, some due to sensory issues, but I don't consider myself to be a fussy eater and will try almost anything so it hasn't worked out too badly for me.

Well as a fussy eaters myself and hubby I really didn't want the kids to be so fed them everything including stuff we can't stand.Now I have three fuzzy kids as they all like different things.I tried the your eating it was hidden behind cupboards etc and which is discussing and was stealing chocolate etc.I decided as an adult I don't eat stuff I don't like so won't make I child but yes I bloody hate meal times!! Unless it's a roast.

When I say my father eats everything, I mean that he will take food from plates that other family members have left and eat it. Not because he is hungry, not even because he likes it always, but because he thinks it is wrong to throw any food away. Even though throwing it away would do at least something to address his weight issues. It's fucked up.

witty and no nonsense