Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

[mamaandthegirls]

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

If it wasn’t touched at all, yes I might reheat for dinner as long as it was something that reheats well

If it was half eaten, no I wouldn’t.

I don't think it's wrong to do what you did as in 'well see if they will have it later' I often do that that but I wouldn't 'make' a 2 year old go to bed hungry. I would offer something else to a point.

I have a fussy eater - it's nothing to do with parenting most of the time so you're smug 'perfect parenting' might come back to bite you on the arse in the next couple of years.

I would also never force anyone to eat something they don't want to. There might be consequences such as no dessert or not having anything else if they were a bit older but I wouldn't stand over them till they ate it.

If I had a pound for the amount of times DS refused to eat and then half an hour later was crying that he was starving then I'd have a lot of pounds!

I frequently put his rejected food in the fridge for him to eat later; if not I'd be a cook to order chef!

Who the hell would bin a full roast dinner serving?

YABNU OP, I would do the exact same thing!

I would do (and have done) the same as you- got the same raised eyebrows but I don’t see it as being cruel. There’s often not actual reasons why they don’t want to eat that meal. By offering other foods it’s not only a waste of food, it also sets a president that food/meal ‘shopping’ is something you can do.

I'd have offered a sandwich and would never send a chid to bed hungry.

Reheated food isn't always nice and I dislike the eat it now or later so would not do it.

James Mason did that to his daughter in "Spring and Port Wine". An excellent "kitchen sink" drama. Old film, but no plot spoiler.

I’d never send my son to bed hungry. Doesn’t mean he can refuse dinner and eat sweets all evening, but I’d let him have a sandwich or beans on toast or something if that’s what he wanted. Plus, reheated food is sometimes horrible, wouldn’t eat it myself and wouldn’t give it to my child either.

My 2 and a half year old would not be going to bed having not eaten lunch or dinner, too little for that shit.

My parents fucked around with me and my food like this and I developed an ED. I don’t pander to my kids every move and I’m the least precious parent ever but I know those feelings and they hit me tooooo hard

But who wants a reheated roast dinner? Was it plated up? It sounds disgusting actually. I wouldn't want to eat that so why should I make a 2 yr old?

If it was something like spagbol that reheated easily I would do this, if it was still in the pan i would tuppaware and freeze or put in the fridge for another day. Roast meat can be saved for sandwichs, veg and potatos bubble and squeak so i wouldnt waste food, I wouldnt save plated up food though.

I don't see why you wouldn't just let your partners mum give her a sandwich in this case. It seems more about you showing off to partners mum and letting us know what a no-nonsense parent you are as opposed to doing whats best for your DC. There wasnt really any need to make a point as partners mum was willing to make her a sandwich.

My mum never did things like this and I was the least fussy child ever! I'm really glad she listened to me on the few foods I did dislike.

One of my friends is a very fussy eater and she's talked about literally throwing up at friends houses because she was too embarrassed to say she didn't like foods. And how she used to dread roast dinners because she hated them but felt she had to eat them so as to not upset her mum. This in turn created a very disordered eating pattern on top of someone who already had a difficult relationship.

YABVU.
It’s one thing to only offer them one option at meal time, and if they don’t eat then fine. I agree that if kids are hungry they will eat. But to purposefully keep the previous meal until they eat it is just nasty power play.
That’s saying that they aren’t allowed to be “unhungry”, and if they are they need to force themselves to eat. Strange.

I would have offered it again at dinner but have a plan B as well.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat"

I don't agree with this

@waspersting that's understandable and I would be terrified if I was in the same position with DD. I did hold my breath a little when she had peanut butter for the first time (no problems and she loves the stuff).

I agree with this.
It is also strange how some people seem to use the "I was raised like this or my mum would do this" as a reason / excuse to continue some questionable traditions

YABVU.
It’s one thing to only offer them one option at meal time, and if they don’t eat then fine. I agree that if kids are hungry they will eat. But to purposefully keep the previous meal until they eat it is just nasty power play.
That’s saying that they aren’t allowed to be “unhungry”, and if they are they need to force themselves to eat. Strange.

It just seems a bit power trip to me to do that.

You’re dealing with a two year old and always have the power even if it doesn’t feel like it.

You won’t really have achieved anything - kids eat when they’re hungry and won’t when they’re not. Unless forced.

So by re-giving an old meal - if you did it because you wanted to teach them to eat when you say - well that doesn’t help them learn appetite control. The road to obesity lies that way.

If you did it because you thought they’d genuinely like it, then fair enough.

Its fine to have saved the meal and offered it for tea since you know she usually likes it. But sometimes kids really dont like something and it's fine to have a simple and healthy alternative even if it's just some yoghurt and fruit. Food is for eatingand enjoyment , not a battle of wills.

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry,

Hideous. I wouldn’t like someone else deciding what and how much of something I should eat.

What was the film, years ago where a teenage DD refuses point blank to eat a kipper and its brought out again for every meal for several days until eventually it's 'accidentally' given to the cat? I'm thinking it might have been Spring and Port Wine. but not sure.

Exactly, Spring and Port Wine, Bill Naughton, it was a herring. In our house 'it'll be your herring' confused our children for years about leftover food!
Our grandson didn't eat his main course, a meal he likes and was very upset when he got no pudding, he's not done that twice.

As your DD likes a roast I would have done the same in this situation, she probably just wasn’t hungry at lunchtime.

However I don’t force my children to eat food they don’t like - they know they have to try to properly but I’m not turning the dinner table into a battleground. DS eats everything but DD is fussy/particular. If she doesn’t like what is served she gets bread and butter, sardines and frozen peas - all which she likes and can be pulled together in 90seconds. I wouldn’t keep putting food in front of her that she has tried and said she doesn’t like

Feeling very back and white here, because I guess I'm a 🐼 As a mother of an underweight child I can ensure you that eating problem can't be easily solved by strict parenting.

My mother used to buy huge boxes of 48 packets of cheese and onion crisps past their BB date. She would then insist that no other crisps would be bought until they had gone. Nobody in the house likes cheese and onion crisps. Cue my sister and I taking a packet per day to school to put in the bin in the hope that in 24 days time the choice of crisps would be edible.

Seriously. What’s the point of attempting to control food to this extent?

Can I just say that I did not make DD eat absolutely every last scrap on the plate, she ate the majority, leaving a small amount of Yorkshire pudding and some potato. With any meal, I do not force her to eat absolutely everything in sight. I know that can lead to obesity problems as my dad found out as a child!

I think it is ok to offer good that wasn't eaten at lunchtime, but not if it is some sort if power trip (which this sounds like).

"see, if they're hungry then they'll eat"

I know loads of people believe this, and all the 'Id never pander parents' pat themselves on the back at their superior parenting skills....but it really is bull.

Look up the Ellyn Satter Institute.
Professional advice about psychology of healthy eating.

So if she didn't eat it would you have really sent her to bed hungry?

I think you're being a bit harsh and others have said, it all seems like a power play.

My son is nearly 2 and is going through a slightly fussy stage. We agree were not getting into a battle of wills over food. There are certain foods he has refused to eat despite numerous offerings since the day he started weaning (eggs, for example) so I don't make omelettes for tea. We cook meals for is all to eat. If he tries it or eats it, great, if not then meh. If he hasn't eaten all day due to teething or something, he might be offered toast/cereal. He gets fruit and yoghurt after dinner, regardless.

We ate quite a few 'beige' meals growing up and my mum wasn't an adventurous cook, but I'll eat nearly everything now and love trying new recipes. My partner is quite a good eater but was given casseroles quite a lot growing up and actively encouraged to eat it, to this day, he won't eat them as an adult.

Please don't let her go to bed hungry. She could be coming down with something, tired, just not fancy a roast at the time. Just offer a sandwich and some fruit.