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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

323 replies

mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 16:49

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

OP posts:
HauntedPencil · 08/01/2019 20:40

Agree with PP I don't make new dinners or different dinners for each child but I certainly wouldn't not feed them at all, a boring healthy substitute like fruit or toast

At that age you've really no idea why they didn't want the dinner at that time. As adults we are not always in the mood for a big dinner, and she was clearly more hungry later in the day.

I don't waste food so I'd offer the roast dinner later because that's sensible but giving it for breakfast or giving nothing else to teach them I think is OTT.

3WildOnes · 08/01/2019 20:41

I do similar. If it’s something that I know they dont like or something new then they can leave it but I won’t cook anything else.
I do always offer a healthy snack of crudités and oat cakes at bedtime so they don’t go to bed hungry.
I don’t offer toast cereal or biscuits.

MarchInHappiness · 08/01/2019 20:42

She's two OP! Do not make a different meal but certainly do not take the hard line at that age. Sure offer it again, but if they refuse do not send them to bed hungry, give them the choice of cereal, toast etc.

When my three started school I did get strict, I would only make one meal, however it did not all be cooked / served the same. E.g my youngest does not like cooked carrots so he gets raw carrot etc. I have a rule they must try a food before refusing to eat it and wanting something else.

If they do not like dinner, they do not go to bed hungry but they only have the option of toast later.

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 20:43

Also @Morgan12 to answer your question because you seem to be almost crying when I don't answer it - DD has done this once or twice to me before at home, had a drink a piece of bread and butter when turned down a meal I made and prepared. But wasn't much to fill her up.

OP posts:
nuttyknitter · 08/01/2019 20:43

How would you feel OP if you didn't happen to fancy something for lunch and your DP tried to insist you ate it for dinner? I hate this constant feeling that people have to win against their children - they're people with feelings too.

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 20:45

@nuttyknitter I don't care if she didn't fancy it, I'm not going to make her another meal just because "she doesn't fancy it." That was also a poor example as DP and I are adults and if I don't fancy something I won't bloody cook it!

OP posts:
backaftera2yearbreak · 08/01/2019 20:48

God you sound horrible! My mum used to do this to my brother. She would never win he would just not eat. Only saving grace is she will go to nursery/school soon at least she can eat there!

Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2019 20:49

I don’t believe any loving parent would send a two year old to bed with no dinner to teach them to eat whatever is put in front of them.

PoutySprout · 08/01/2019 20:50

I don't care if she didn't fancy it, I'm not going to make her another meal just because "she doesn't fancy it." That was also a poor example as DP and I are adults and if I don't fancy something I won't bloody cook it!

Not at all. You have freedom of choice with your food, so effectively force your child to eat what you fancy regardless. Nice.

Will she be allowed to choose her own GCSEs or will you be choosing those too?

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 20:53

@backaftera2yearbreak yawn did you not read my OP? It was a roast dinner that she has always eaten apart from this one occasion! This is not a weekly thing I do! Also she goes to nursery and they always encourage the children to eat all of their packed lunches - DD never comes home with any food left in it. Grin

OP posts:
BlackeyedGruesome · 08/01/2019 20:55

as it was something she likes normally then I would give it her and if she still refused given a sandwich or toast.

they really do not have to eat anything they do not particularly like, and yes I make (or save) different meals for them. they are human and have their own likes and dislikes just like me.

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 08/01/2019 20:55

@mamaandthegirls ignore the idiots. You did the right thing. She's 2 and more than capable of knowing this is dinner and we eat it.

Keep doing what you're doing and stick to it. We never made DD an alternative meal. She ate what we ate and I have on occasions warmed it up for the next meal as you did.

She's now 5 and will eat anything

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 20:57

@Thesnobbymiddleclassone thank you! Glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this.

OP posts:
Pk37 · 08/01/2019 20:58

So if it was “one occasion” why wouldn’t you let her off? Not as if she is fussy
She’s 2 ffs .

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 21:00

@Pk37 what and let her think she can do it again? All you have to do it let a child get away with something once and they'll think it's ok to walk all over you. Or in my case, refusing any meal, cooked and prepared for her.

OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 08/01/2019 21:00

Mine will eat anything put in front of them too and I’ve never once sent them to bed hungry as a punishment.

Oswin · 08/01/2019 21:02

Is parenting to you allowing your child no choices and exerting complete control? Because to most people it's not.

Ozil10 · 08/01/2019 21:02

I don't have anything to add, except I am so so glad my parents didn't raise me this way.

Despite the fact my Mum would have made me something simple if I didn't fancy a reheated roast dinner (which I would never have in the first place as she was smart enough to realise reheated roasts are gross), I'm slim, eat healthy and most surprisingly she doesn't make me my packed lunch each day ;)

This attitude towards food of eat it or go to bed hungry is absolutely awful. It's what encourages eating disorders and odd relationships with food, it's not a weapon to beat a child with. Besides that, I think this is more about your relationship with your partners Mum and making sure she knows what was good enough for you is good enough for your child blah blah. Projecting your own childhood onto your child doesn't mean it's the right thing to do.

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 21:05

@Oswin complete control? Why because I want her to eat a meal that's been cooked and prepared for her, that is control is it?

OP posts:
WasperSting · 08/01/2019 21:06

what and let her think she can do it again? All you have to do it let a child get away with something once and they'll think it's ok to walk all over you. Or in my case, refusing any meal, cooked and prepared for her.

Oh dear. Op it's you that has the problem, not your 2 year old.

ListenLinda · 08/01/2019 21:06

I would of done the same, saved the lunch for later. I wouldn’t of let MIL go out of her way to make her something else for tea.
If she didn’t eat that, it would be toast and grapes/banana.

I wouldn’t of contemplated sending her to bed hungry though.
YWNBU until that point.

PoutySprout · 08/01/2019 21:06

Also she goes to nursery and they always encourage the children to eat all of their packed lunches - DD never comes home with any food left in it. grin

Yay. Setting kids on the path to obesity. Go them! 🎉

PoutySprout · 08/01/2019 21:08

Why because I want her to eat a meal that's been cooked and prepared for her, that is control is it?

I know you’re ignoring any post that doesn’t agree with you, but imagine a partner did that to you. Every day. Demanded you eat what they want you to eat and however much they say. If you don’t they keep bringing it back until you do. They don’t listen to you when you say you don’t fancy that.

Would that be anything but abusive?

Original poster
mamaandthegirls · 08/01/2019 21:09

@PoutySprout How is that setting a path for my child to be obese? She eats her 5 a day of fruit and veg and is one of the most active toddlers I know. We go out on her days off from nursery on nature walks, to the park, and anything that involves excersie. You're clearly wrong there my friend!

OP posts:
Geminijes · 08/01/2019 21:09

I don't care if she didn't fancy it, I'm not going to make her another meal just because "she doesn't fancy it." That was also a poor example as DP and I are adults and if I don't fancy something I won't bloody cook it!

What a selfish attitude. So, basically, because it's child they should eat whatever is given to them at meal time? I feel so sorry for your daughter.

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