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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sleep with my husband because I hate his moustache?

281 replies

creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:00

DH has been working away for months. He recently came home for 2 weeks leave with a moustache. He knows my feelings about facial hair. I don't mind moustaches so long as I don't need to go anywhere near them but the thought of kissing him or doing anything more with it on his face literally repulsed me. I normally find DH extremely attractive but I just couldn't see past it.

I had friends over at the weekend and I told them that I hadn't had sex with DH when he was home because I can't bare the moustache. They couldn't believe this since he was gone for months and is now gone for months again. It's left me wondering. Was I BU? Should I have just pretended it wasn't there or can anyone relate? Is anyone similarly turned off by facial hair or is it just me who has this problem?

OP posts:
knittingdad · 28/11/2018 23:02

He could have cut it off and grown a new one again after saying goodbye.

PickAChew · 28/11/2018 23:02

I didn't like beards until dh grew one. So much softer than stubble. And nicely tickly, sometimes

gamerchick · 28/11/2018 23:03

Nope I'm the same OP and I know that there will be people who will compare it with a man and a woman's armpits, leghair or minge hair etc and situations reversed Yadda Yadda Yadda.

But I can honestly say, if my husband had a problem with my mustache then he's well within his rights to tell me it's off-putting.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:03

He chose this as his opportunity to grow it. He knows I hate them but thought with doing so much better work away, he could grow it for 6 months and I'd only have to endure it for 2 weeks. He wanted to "see how good he could get it" 😷

OP posts:
LaurieFairyCake · 28/11/2018 23:03

I'd be more concerned he didn't want to have sex with you after being away for months Confused

It sounds like he tried to keep you away by growing it...

MsVestibule · 28/11/2018 23:04

If he knows facial hair bothers you so much, why did he grow a moustache?

Although we're also the first to complain if a man whinges about us having pubic hair, so I'm not sure if that argument stands, really.

Did the lack of sex bother him?

Original poster
creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:06

He's ordinarily with me all the time and would never grow one because of my feelings on it and he knows I wouldn't go near him. He's been desperate to have one for years so thought this was his chance.

I also know he wasn't trying to keep me away because he tried his luck a number of times but I rejected him.

OP posts:
Rachelle3211 · 28/11/2018 23:06

Dh grows one for movember every year and while I don't like it, I still have sex with him. He would have to peel me off of him if we'd been separated for months mustache or not.

bumblingbovine49 · 28/11/2018 23:07

I can't bear beards or moustaches either. I weirdly have no problem at all with hairy chest or even hairy backs ( which I know lots of women find off putting) . I just hate the thought of kissing someone with a big bushy moustache or beard

I'd have has sex though just without any lip kissing. I'd have made it clear why as well.

MsVestibule · 28/11/2018 23:07

Do you have an open relationship? I'm just bemused that a couple wouldn't have sex with each other if they hadn't seen them for six months, unless they were getting it elsewhere.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:08

and while I don't like it, I still have sex with him.

It's not that I don't like it, it physically repulses me! Just the thought of kissing him makes me feel physically sick.

OP posts:
Annandale · 28/11/2018 23:09

I didn't say to anyone that I fancied DH a lot less when he let his nice short beard grow long and straggly until now I just lay back and thought of England. Can't recommend that really. Luckily it wasn't for a long time. Tbh YANBU, there are some things it's not possible to get used to.

Daily exposure to moustache pics might break down your antipathy? Why not ask DH about his tache plans and 'jokingly' say it's so you can do desensitisation of that type until he gets home again in the hope you will be able to stay married?

Original poster
creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:09

Do you have an open relationship?

No we most definitely don't. The way I see it, he could have shaved it off... I think keeping it was pretty selfish when he knew my feelings on it.

OP posts:
Rachelle3211 · 28/11/2018 23:09

What about not kissing him and having sex with him behind you? Going months without sex is brutal.

LaurieFairyCake · 28/11/2018 23:10

I love my Dhs moustache and beard. So damn sexy

Goostacean · 28/11/2018 23:10

Oh. I don’t know. That’s a bit sad; I know you don’t find it attractive but to reject him repeatedly when he’s only back for a fortnight... Given he’s only trying to grow it this once and normally respects your preferences, I would try to get over it this once and bring some physical intimacy back into the relationship. With my eyes shut if I had to! Grin

Original poster
creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:12

What about not kissing him and having sex with him behind you?

I can't imagine having to make sure I don't look at (or think about) his face while having sex.

I know this sounds dreadful but his face is a massive turn off to me when he has a moustache!

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 28/11/2018 23:12

He wanted to "see how good he could get it"

But six months is more than enough time to grow an amazing moustache Confused. It's not going to get any better, unless he wanted to enter the Guinness Book Of World Records for The World's Bushiest Moustache.

Why wouldn't he then shave it off before he saw you? What was his explanation for that?

littlecabbage · 28/11/2018 23:12

I feel your pain. My DH grew a full beard whilst on his 2w paternity leave 4 months ago. Whilst I concede it suits him, I hate how the moustache part spikes me if we kiss. This is despite using beard oil.

We haven't actually had sex since the baby was born, mostly because the baby will only sleep on one of us in the evenings, but I am not relishing any snogging with those face pubes in the way.

And no, I don't shave off all my pubic hair but he knew that when we got married. Sold as seen, I didn't sign up for this beard malarkey Confused

Rachelle3211 · 28/11/2018 23:13

Given that he respects your choice the rest of the time, and it was just this once that he is growing it because he's away, I hardly see it as selfish. He seems incredibly accommodating to me.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:14

But six months is more than enough time to grow an amazing moustache

He hadn't been away for 6 months. The 6 months is the total time from starting growing it to when he gets home again next time (when he'll be shaving it). So he'd been gone for 4, then again for another 2.

OP posts:
Bigonesmallone3 · 28/11/2018 23:17

I think this is odd if I had been away from my partner and I was due to be away from him again imminently I would not care less about what he's got on his face..

Original poster
creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:20

I really don't think people replying understand how I feel about facial hair. I suppose I could go as far as saying it's almost a phobia. It's not like I'm just choosing to not have sex with him. I physically couldn't with that on his face. I couldn't even cuddle up with him. It's not just me choosing to be difficult about it. I cannot bare it.

OP posts:
MsVestibule · 28/11/2018 23:22

OK, four months is more than enough time to grow an amazing moustache. What does he think is going to happen to it in the next two months?

Anyway, I'm way too over invested in this thread.

Snowwontbelong · 28/11/2018 23:23

Get yourself a fake one for his next return. ..

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