To not sleep with my husband because I hate his moustache?

[creepymoustache]

DH has been working away for months. He recently came home for 2 weeks leave with a moustache. He knows my feelings about facial hair. I don't mind moustaches so long as I don't need to go anywhere near them but the thought of kissing him or doing anything more with it on his face literally repulsed me. I normally find DH extremely attractive but I just couldn't see past it.

I had friends over at the weekend and I told them that I hadn't had sex with DH when he was home because I can't bare the moustache. They couldn't believe this since he was gone for months and is now gone for months again. It's left me wondering. Was I BU? Should I have just pretended it wasn't there or can anyone relate? Is anyone similarly turned off by facial hair or is it just me who has this problem?

He’s probably having sex with someone else

I have never been intimate with a man with facial hair. Been married for a long time and back when I was dating beards were not in fashion. I do find beards attractive visually on some men but if my DH grew it or a moustache, it would definitely turn me off big time sexually, no question about it. YNBU.

I wouldn't blame him for having sex with somebody else. He has one very shallow
Partner.
My partner can do what he wants with his appearance. Just as he would never tell me what to do with mine.
OP maybe your husband would find your more attractive as a 6ft blonde super model but if he said it on here he would get slaughtered.

I don't really like facial hair either. There was a guy on TV who had one of those neat little middle aged goatees which are more work than shaving I'd have thought. Completely unattractive until I pictured him clean shaven and my God he would have been HOT!

I couldn't have rejected my DH sexually myself but I sort of admire you for sticking to your guns! I bet he couldn't believe it.

He’s probably having sex with someone else

I'm pretty sure he's not... he knows I will have sex with him next time he's home (as he's assured me he won't have the moustache then). We have a very very happy marriage, 2 young kids and we've been together for 10 years. This is literally the only big issue in our relationship in those 10 years. We've been through thick & thin together and always come out stronger.

Thanks for your advice though.

YANBU!!!! I absolutely cannot stand moustaches to the point where it's become irrational. I can't look at some people (Dick Stawbridge! - don't google if you don't like tashes!) as it makes me actually heave.

YANBU!!!! I absolutely cannot stand moustaches to the point where it's become irrational. I can't look at some people (Dick Stawbridge! - don't google if you don't like tashes!) as it makes me actually heave.

FINALLY!!!! Someone who understands the extent of my issue with moustaches!

Would you be ok if he didn’t show you physical affection because your cut your hair, or gained weight? If so then fine, no issue at all.

This just smacks to me of one of the many (MANY) threads on MN where if you flip the circumstances around - DH would be hung drawn and quartered!

• I also HATE facial hair btw, but wouldn’t stop sleeping with my soon to be DH because of it

Would you be ok if he didn’t show you physical affection because your cut your hair, or gained weight? If so then fine, no issue at all.

If DH hated arm pit hair to the point it made him feel sick, an actual phobia of arm pit hair. If I stopped shaving my arm pits and he couldn't be affectionate with me then I'd understand. I'd think it was quite selfish of me to not just shave them if I knew how he felt about it.

I don't mind if DH gets a bit stubbly unless it's at that horrible scratchy length. But one time he had let it get a bit longer and we were getting into things when I had to tell him to shave his face cos it felt like I was snogging my dad (full proper beard since his late teens!) DH was clean shaven in 5 minutes.

So, I get it.

And, to the PP suggesting he will be getting it elsewhere. Some people do manage to not have sex for months at a time without jumping into bed with the first available set of genitals.

I honestly just can't comprehend the behaviour of either of you. 4 months away and you don't have sex with him, 4 months away he knows you don't like the moustache but is still happy to keep it even though it means no sex. Wow, I can't say I know any military couple like that (not sure if you're military but speaking of the couples including myself who deal with those lengths of absences) I think there's something bigger going on here tbh.

I would say it doesn’t really matter whether YABU or not OP because you can’t help the way you feel. Something like 80% of our reactions come from the subconscious mind and we’re powerless to do much about them. If this is practically on the level if a phobia for you, you would need therapy or CBT to even begin to address why you have such a strong reaction to a moustache.

Personally, I don’t like a 70s style moustache or a bushy, messy beard on men, but a do like a well trimmed, stubbly beard. DH could shave at 7am and still have obvious stubble by about 5pm. I love his beard but it is trimmed and neat. It gives his face definition and it’s more manly, rather than smooth and boyish and kind of “blank.”

Anyway, each to their own. Don’t beat yourself up about this because we all have weird /extreme reactions to something our other. I don’t like newspaper - no idea why.

I can imagine the replies if someone had written her DH hated her pubic hair and was withholding sex until he removed it and had told her he was doing so. He would be called controlling and all sorts. I prefer my DH with a beard, but I let him choose what he does with his facial hair, the same as he wouldn’t dream of telling me how to cut my hair. If it was something extreme like shaving my head then of course he could have an input, but I can’t see how facial hair fits into that category. Sorry OP

*until she removed it

I think there's something bigger going on here tbh.*

Like what? Like I've already explained we have a brilliant relationship. I love DH more than anything and he's the same with me. We are best friends. Our sex life is ordinarily great bar this 2 week spell.

I suppose our relationship is more than just sex though. I still love him unconditionally and would never be unfaithful even if he's been an idiot on this one (in my opinion ) what's 2 weeks of sex in a lifetime of marriage?

I had a lot of problems with my stitches after having DC1 which meant we had to go quite a long time without sex, but our marriage was still extremely strong throughout that time. Sex is important in a marriage but a happy marriage is about so much more than just sex.

Creepymoustache

(Love the name!) because it's not a 2 week spell, it's after 4 months! When my husband is coming back from deployment the anticipation is immense, that intimacy is out of this world and often leaves me feeling I am lucky to deal with these absences because other couples don't understand the power of a reunion. Yes of course sex is only one part of a relationship but for you to both be so content to forgo it during RnR (due to a moustache) To me that's incomprehensible.

I'd totally get it on any other situation btw, just not RnR.

but for you to both be so content to forgo it during RnR (due to a moustache) To me that's incomprehensible.

But he could have had sex with me. He just needed to shave first. I think that was selfish on his part. I think he should have shaved it and taken my feelings into consideration more. I feel like it was unfair of him to keep it for longer than those 4 months given the fact it really does make me feel sick.

Been with my DH for 30 years, and been through some awful things together, so if he suddenly morphed into a hideous warty monster overnight I'd still love him. Yes, shagging would be more challenging, but not impossible.

A relationship is more than just sex anyway, surely?

Seriously I can't imagine complaining about what my DH chooses to do with his appearance, just as he has never complained about my choices.

OP you don’t have a happy marriage at all and you’re kidding yourself saying you do! You withheld sex and any type of affection because you didn’t like something your husband is doing. Look on Women’s aid, it’s a type of abuse.

I’m disgusted with the amount of women agreeing with you. If a woman had posted on here saying that her husband wouldn’t hug her, kids her or have sex with her because she had dyed or her hair blonde everyone would be screaming that he was abusing her and it was a red flag and that she should LTB.

Fair play to him for not shaving it off, it’s his body to do as he pleases with.

You're not unreasonable op, but neither is your dh - you're both entitled to do what you want with your own bodies

P. S. Great typo in your op - couldn't bare the moustache!

We had a lovely 2 weeks together, obviously affection aside.

I'm pretty sure as women we're told that if we don't want to be intimate we can say no. That's all I've done. I think it's wrong that people think I should have had sex with him even though it would literally make me nauseous. So many people have said I should "shut my eyes". I personally think that's wrong and think that no one should have sex with anyone unless they want to. I didn't want to because facial hair makes me feel sick. I can't see how that's me being abusive.

So he is selfish so wanting autonomy over his own body? I think your getting mixed up over which of you is selfish here

Lollypop explained how it was abusive.

You say he's selfish, and yet he's held off on growing facial hair for 10+ years, even though you say "He's been desperate to have one for years" just because you don't like it?

You're the selfish one.