To not sleep with my husband because I hate his moustache?

[creepymoustache]

DH has been working away for months. He recently came home for 2 weeks leave with a moustache. He knows my feelings about facial hair. I don't mind moustaches so long as I don't need to go anywhere near them but the thought of kissing him or doing anything more with it on his face literally repulsed me. I normally find DH extremely attractive but I just couldn't see past it.

I had friends over at the weekend and I told them that I hadn't had sex with DH when he was home because I can't bare the moustache. They couldn't believe this since he was gone for months and is now gone for months again. It's left me wondering. Was I BU? Should I have just pretended it wasn't there or can anyone relate? Is anyone similarly turned off by facial hair or is it just me who has this problem?

It's not about looks HP, but it is about attraction

Yes, but her attraction to him is, seemingly, based on his looks to a very large degree if a physical change can put her off like that.

Yes, but her attraction to him is, seemingly, based on his looks to a very large degree if a physical change can put her off like that.

In 10 years there have been a lot of physical changes for both of us. Hair styles, wrinkles, weight gain, weight loss. I'm not affected by any of this. Nor would I be affected by tattoos, piercings etc etc. This to me is far more than a physics change. This is something that the thought of touching makes my skin crawl. The look of it makes me feel nauseous. That's far more than just a physical change.

Most people on here think I'm being very unreasonable but it seems there are 10 or so others who are just as sickened by either moustaches or facial hair in general. It's obviously not that uncommon to have such a strong dislike or hatred towards this. Someone even said they'd have to leave their husband if they insisted on facial hair. It's obviously a deep rooted issue for some of us. I'm not superficial in any other way but I just can't cope with moustaches. I find them completely revolting.

In the end, attraction isn't something we choose or can control. It just is. I don't think the OP should have sex if she doesn't fancy her husband and if he expects her to overlook the need to feel attracted to him and do it anyway, then is that not controlling too?

I think you’re BU , it’s just a moustache and the fact you now won’t see him for months almost makes you sound childish and silly

I totally agree OP, beards and moustaches really repulse me too. No idea by but certainly The Twits and seeing a relative with dandruff liberally sprinkled down the front of his sweater definitely confirmed why
Just writing this is making me feel sick!

Wow, this is great news. I'm going to tell my wife that sex if off the menu until she loses a few pounds because little tummies "repulse me"

ofshoes

If you're a man, then (the gospel according to MN is) OMG! that's so unreasonable! What a controlling dick you are! How dare you, you shallow idiot! etc.

If you're a woman then you can't help it if you're repulsed. YANBU. It's your wife's call: she can just lose it instead of being stubborn and selfish.

Well, ofshoes if you were truly repulsed by your wife's tummy, instead of just saying it to make a point on a thread, presumably your wife wouldn't badger you for sex knowing this.

God I love beards.

Send him over to me

I'm with you OP facial hair just makes me shudder. Getting close to it makes me want to puke. Possibly irrational but a massive turn-off for me. I'm currently single

I think he is selfish, but it's one of those occasions where being selfish is perfectly reasonable. If I change my hair, I do it for me, not to be more attractive to my DH. DH hates it when I wear false lashes but I do when I'm going out out because it makes me feel good. It is selfish, true, but if it's something I really want then I'm allowed to be selfish. In this case, so if your DH.
Your fear/phobia of facial hair means you are also NBU. So you've reached a stalemate. Someone has to cave first.

So all of you who think she is unreasonable are happy to have sex with your partner no matter what they do? If the men grew long hair and had makeup and eyelash extensions on? Or if the woman shaved her head and started growing a beard and moustache through hormone treatment?

I highly doubt that most of you would be that keen.

Op YANBU, I don't mind the look of a beard, but looking at a moustache and the idea of them coming near even my hands freaks me out, let alone my face. It isn't comparable to a tattoo (unless on face) as you see it all the time. No chance of looking at DH and wanting to have sex as it is right there! I know exactly why I hate moustaches but would be vilified if I shared it. The beards are a sensory issue.

Yes. But maybe that’s bexause I am not shallow and I am attracted to him as a person not just how he looks

I read stuff like this on MN, and have to wonder if some people are dead from the waist down?

There is nothing, that would stop me shagging my DH, after a 4 month separation. I'd shag him very day of the 2 weeks he was home.

Do you think he is going to go 6 months without sex? I doubt it.

It's not shallow. Attraction isn't a rational choice - it's a feeling. I'm sure the OP would choose to feel differently about it if she could.
I think it's not a good path to go down when we tell people (women, usually) to ignore their own feelings or what attracts them and have sex with a man regardless, or be accused of shallowness/controlling behaviour.

Ahh, here we go. If he cheats, it's your fault. Nothing to do with him

Yet if w woman posted a man wanted her to shave or anything else then it would be the man who was in the wrong (rightly so!)

This place is amazing with its double standards sometimes. Woman - right. Man - wrong. Seems to be the norm.

Ahh, here we go. If he cheats, it's your fault. Nothing to do with him

Being sexually rejected for 2 whole weeks, and having no sex for 6 months, might tips the scales in that direction. Not saying it's okay. But let's at least be realistic.

Smoking, Animal cruelty and facial hair are my 3 relationship deal breakers
DH is well aware of this and if he did choose to do any of these things he knows I wouid be reassessing our relationship
As there’s is no way I could bring myself to kiss anyone with a beard or tache. Personal preference but they repulse me

OP please don't listen to strangers on the internet telling you that there's something wrong with your marriage, you're an abuser or that your DH is having/will have sex elsewhere. What a load of hysterical nonsense.

Yet if w woman posted a man wanted her to shave or anything else then it would be the man who was in the wrong (rightly so!)

As I said earlier, if my husband objected to my mustache and beard he's within his rights to tell me to get rid of it. It can't be compared to anything else. You don't look at a minge everytime you look at someone... Or nobody you would want to share polite company with. Nor do you see armpits or leg hairs every time. As for the ridiculous comment about weight above, is there a secret to instantly remove weight? I'll bet there's a canny few people who would like to hear it.

These threads always get well ott and amusing, this one hasn't disappointed

I wouldn't have sex with my DH if he grew facial hair either, my DH has also voiced that he wouldn't find me attractive if I had tattoos covering my body so I won't. 🤷🏻‍♀️
If it was something I was super passionate about then I'd be standing firm and saying well tough to him but it's not so meh.

It's fair enough for you not to want to sleep with him with a moustache, and fair enough for him to grow one. However, I would have to be really, really wedded to a moustache to miss out on sex, and I am surprised he is. It's like there is something else going on.

I once cut a fringe into my hair and it completely weirded my husband out. It didn't stop him wanting sex with me but it was definitely less and I've never had one since. My choice but influenced by knowing what he finds attractive. I personally think I'd struggle to have sex with him if he wore full make up.

Sex should be whole hearted or not at all. If you don't want to, you don't do it. I have a friend who thinks she should never say no to her husband. She hates her sex life and it has a huge impact on what she thinks about him, because he either does not notice or does not care that she isn't enjoying it.