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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not sleep with my husband because I hate his moustache?

281 replies

creepymoustache · 28/11/2018 23:00

DH has been working away for months. He recently came home for 2 weeks leave with a moustache. He knows my feelings about facial hair. I don't mind moustaches so long as I don't need to go anywhere near them but the thought of kissing him or doing anything more with it on his face literally repulsed me. I normally find DH extremely attractive but I just couldn't see past it.

I had friends over at the weekend and I told them that I hadn't had sex with DH when he was home because I can't bare the moustache. They couldn't believe this since he was gone for months and is now gone for months again. It's left me wondering. Was I BU? Should I have just pretended it wasn't there or can anyone relate? Is anyone similarly turned off by facial hair or is it just me who has this problem?

OP posts:
Yvbmioasp · 29/11/2018 09:06

I’m with you OP, I hate them.

UserMe18 · 29/11/2018 09:08

Creepymoustache

Well that's what I don't get...it's all a bit silly really on both sides, if we do assume you have a phobia, while I appreciate his bodily autonomy I don't understand how he was happy to not have sex essentially choosing a moustache over being intimate with his wife after 4 months? I mean that's weird right?! Are you both just really stubborn trying to get one over the other?

Aridane · 29/11/2018 09:09

Yeh, right, its a phobia now Hmm

Aridane · 29/11/2018 09:10

I know that there will be people who will compare it with a man and a woman's armpits, leghair or minge hair etc and situations reversed Yadda Yadda Yadda.

Yadda, yadda, yadda- yep, that’s me Blush

UserMe18 · 29/11/2018 09:11

Someone else used the word phobia, I'm not buying that either!

moreofaslummythanyummy · 29/11/2018 09:13

Op I get it , I physically cant stand the feel of facial hair. I can't explain it it makes me cringe and feel ill but it is deep rooted.
Also as awful and shallow as it sounds if DH insisted he now wanted to have a beard full time , I think it would be a deal breaker and I would have to leave the relationship.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 09:14

In all honesty, I have no idea if it's a phobia but I'm beginning to realise that most other people don't feel so repulsed by them as me. So I'm wondering why I feel this way? I'm not sure if that makes it a phobia but I could definitely never touch one or go near one. From this thread I'm under the impression that is not a normal reaction to a moustache.

OP posts:
Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 09:16

moreofaslummythanyummy

Sounds as though you're the same as me with this. The fact you would consider leaving a marriage over it. Do you think that means it's a phobia of some sort?

It's not like I'm choosing to not have sex with him. I just physically can't do it with that on his face.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 29/11/2018 09:17

I was ready to say YABU but after you wrote about it being like a phobia I changed my mind completely YANBU!

It's like if my DH went and had a tatoo of a spider on his face(I have an awful phobia of spiders)I would not be able to let him anywhere near me but the good news is it's alot easier for your DH to remove is tash,so my advice would be talk to him and tell him although you've missed him loads and want to be able to be with him that you can't help this phobia that you have anymore than anyone else with any other kind of phobia can.

ree348 · 29/11/2018 09:23

I think you should be questioning your husband on why he hasn't shaved it off knowing full well you are repulsed by it.

SoyDora · 29/11/2018 09:25

I do find it quite strange that after 4 months apart you were both quite happy to not be intimate with each other... him because he wanted to keep his moustache and you because you hate the moustache.
I know you say that another 2 weeks without sex is nothing in the grand scheme of things (and overall 6 months without sex) and in a lot of circumstances I agree (after childbirth etc). However this is over a moustache. I’m not saying you’re in the wrong, if you hate it you hate it. But it doesn’t seem like he wanted sex with you much either. Otherwise he’d have got rid of it.
Doesn’t sound like either of you fancy the other much.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 09:27

think you should be questioning your husband on why he hasn't shaved it off knowing full well you are repulsed by it

I know exactly why he's done it. He can be ridiculously stubborn. It doesn't happen often but once he gets an idea in his head he's like a dog with a bone. The way he's tried to "sell it" to me is that this is the only 2 weeks in our marriage I'll ever have to endure it and he'll never grow one ever again.

OP posts:
busybarbara · 29/11/2018 09:27

I just physically can't do it with that on his face.

What.. your fanjo healed over or something? Of course you could, you just didn't want to.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 09:29

I do find it quite strange that after 4 months apart you were both quite happy to not be intimate with each other.

I wasn't happy about it at all.

He obviously wasn't happy about it either because he tried it on with me so many times. Your right I don't fancy him, not with a moustache. I can't fancy him while he has that. But he definitely fancies me or he wouldn't have tried it on so many times.

OP posts:
UserMe18 · 29/11/2018 09:31

Creepymoustache

Yet you ardently say you had a lovely 2 weeks and stable and happy marriage? All sounds a bit bleak and miserable to me!

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/11/2018 09:31

If I was doing something that my dh found so unattractive he didnt want to sleep with me,I'd stop doing it!
OP isn't ruining her marriage - her h is though.
And she doesn't deserve to have him cheat on her - what a cuntish thing to say.
I think it's worrying that he wants his facial hair more yhan he wants his wife to fancy him.

TroysMammy · 29/11/2018 09:32

On our first date my now DP had a goatee. I had said before we met up I didn't like facial hair. He said "this will be gone by our second date". It was and has never reappeared.

TheWiseWomansFear · 29/11/2018 09:32

If you hate it then YANbU. Moustaches give me a rash and make it feel like I'm kissing a rat. I can deal with DPs beard stubble as it's quite sexy... but a moustache? I'd be in the bathroom with clippers

Hohocabbage · 29/11/2018 09:33

How for the love of God can choosing not to have sex with someone be a form of abuse??
Does consent mean nothing now?
AngryAngry

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 29/11/2018 09:33

busybarbara, sex shouldn't be a chore. No one should feel obligated to sleep with someone, whether they want to or not.
I feel like it's the 1950's on this thread.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 09:35

I think it's worrying that he wants his facial hair more yhan he wants his wife to fancy him.

Yes... I agree with this. But looking at the other side of the coin, he's wanted to grow one for years and he hasn't because of my feelings. Instead he has asked me to endure it for those 2 weeks. I've been trying to take his feelings into account but I know if the tables were turned I wouldn't have done this to DH.

OP posts:
SoyDora · 29/11/2018 09:35

But he definitely fancies me or he wouldn't have tried it on so many times

But he didn’t do the one thing that he knew would make you comfortable having sex with him?

Honestly, if my DH valued a couple of extra months growth on his moustache over intimacy with his wife after 4 months apart, I’d be asking some questions.

Original poster
creepymoustache · 29/11/2018 09:37

Honestly, if my DH valued a couple of extra months growth on his moustache over intimacy with his wife after 4 months apart, I’d be asking some questions.

I think on this occasion he's been stupid and stubborn. But we're blissfully happy the rest of the time so I'm not going to question 10 years of happiness over 2 weeks of stupidity!

OP posts:
UserMe18 · 29/11/2018 09:38

How long does it actually take to grow a moustache? Surely it would have grown back relatively quickly by the time he was back at work? My husband has to shave every day to look clean shaven.

gamerchick · 29/11/2018 09:39

What.. your fanjo healed over or something? Of course you could, you just didn't want to

Oh yay, you're back busybarbra Grin

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