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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH got a dog?

217 replies

Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 06:15

Yesterday my husband and 10 year old daughter came back with a puppy- I was furious as this wasn’t discussed and my 16 year old daughter and I hadn’t agreed to it. My DD16 is also quite scared of dogs in general and although she’s not scared of the puppy she says she’s not entirely comfortable being home alone with it. I have a colleague who would love to take it and I know it would be giving the dog a good home but do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?

OP posts:
GertrudeCB · 19/11/2018 06:19

Your DH is a Pillock and I'm a dog owner.
Does he make all family decisions unilaterally?

Shoxfordian · 19/11/2018 06:20

What was your husband thinking? It's totally wrong of him to have just bought a puppy.

Scrumptiousbears · 19/11/2018 06:20

That is really bad.

MsHopey · 19/11/2018 06:22

A puppy with a big responsibility and should 100% have been discussed as a family before anything happened.
But the puppy is there now and to take it away with discussing it and agreeing it with you DD and DH will make you as bad as them regarding family decision making, and probably won't be seen too favourably by your 10yo.
It's hard because he did what ever he wanted and you need to pick up the pieces, so to speak.

Original poster
Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 06:24

gertrudecb no, this is the thing- he’s never done anything like this before. He had dogs growing up and kept on talking about how he wants dd growing up with them too as they were the ‘best part of his childhood’. But I’d never have imagined he’d go out and get one

OP posts:
Snog · 19/11/2018 06:27

I'm really really shocked by this behaviour, it's massively irresponsible and hugely disrespectful of you and your older dd.

Fairylea · 19/11/2018 06:30

That’s dreadful! A dog is a huge responsibility for the whole family. Your dh is so unreasonable!

GertrudeCB · 19/11/2018 06:33

Would he have a proper discussion with you today Vi0lett ?
Is your home suitable for a puppy ?
Is someone going to be at home all day?
Who is going to toilet train / walk / get up in the night/ pick up the poo?
Ask him the above - it sounds like an impulse purchase Sad

PersonaNonGarter · 19/11/2018 06:37

We need to know more about this. It seems an odd thing for him to do. But taking the puppy and giving it to your collleagie also seems odd.

There are communication issues in your family?

Veterinari · 19/11/2018 06:39

Where has it come from?
Can it go back?
Is keeping it possible? It sounds like it would do your elder DD good to try and desensitise her to her fear as she can’t avoid dogs forever. Maybe learning about dog behaviour/training is something you could do together?

Yes your husband is a dick, but din’t Write the pup off immediately

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/11/2018 06:44

What sort of dog is it? I wouldn’t immediately give the dog away. Take a moment to think and talk to your dh. Has he thought about getting something suitable for the family? If having this dog is a way to get your 16 yo to no longer be scared of dogs it would be a blessing.

NorksAreMessy · 19/11/2018 06:46

Ohhhhh nononononononononooooooo!

A dog isn’t something you pick up on impulse, like a pair of shoes.
It is a MAJOR lifestyle decision that all the family need to be on board with.
Poor pooch :(

Equalityumber · 19/11/2018 06:52

Also where did he get the puppy from? If he just randomly collected one I’d be concerned it came from a puppy farm and might have health problems. Your husband is an idiot

lovetherisingsun · 19/11/2018 06:54

Jesus, it's not a nice jacket he saw and thought he'd treat himself to, it's a bloody hard life long commitment! That fucking moron, and that poor dog. My old dog lived for 20 years, was chronically afraid of any and all kennels or staying with anyone he didn't know, developed epilepsy, had problems with his hip and teeth etc. I loved my little old friend with all heart, but it was still hard having that tie. Sorry, but your husband is a stupid bellend.

Maelstrop · 19/11/2018 06:54

Holy crap, what are you going to do?

Alfie190 · 19/11/2018 06:56

Getting a dog should be a joint decision. If you know if a good home, I think you should let him go before he gets settled. I would be furious if DH had done this, it shows complete lack of respect.

Cawfee · 19/11/2018 06:59

Wow. Just wow. This is so weird and bizarre behaviour. He must have pre ordered. You can’t just go buy a puppy, surely? This has taken planning! Huge red flags

Original poster
Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 07:08

He got it from a friend who’s dog just had a litter
Our house is suitable for a dog but I don’t think I want one and it’s unfair for a dog to be in a home where he isn’t wanted

OP posts:
Original poster
Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 07:08

Well not just had a litter- he’s 9 weeks old but yes

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 19/11/2018 07:10

Wow! I'd be furious! How did you react to him?

MetalMidget · 19/11/2018 07:13

It's not fair on you or your older daughter, and it's not fair on the dog.

It's a huge responsibility (who's going to be cleaning up and training it, walking it, washing it, etc, has he taken the cost of vet treatment, pet insurance, food, grooming, etc into account, what are you going to do about holidays, etc).

I'm assuming that he got one from a breeder, as most rescue places demand to meet everyone in the household, and do a safety check of the house and garden. If he got it from a breeder, then it must have cost a fortune - unless he got it from a shady Gumtree style breeder (read: puppy farmer). If that's the case, the poor pup may have been taken from its mother far too young, and have a host of behavioural and health issues waiting in the wings. I just hope that your husband was responsible, but given he's just foisted a puppy on the household without consultation....

I love dogs, ours is a proper member of the family, but you need to go into owning one fully appreciating what's involved, with everyone on board.

Strugglingtodomybest · 19/11/2018 07:13

Who's going to be looking after it during the day? Him?

MetalMidget · 19/11/2018 07:14

Ah, just read your post that the puppy was from a friend. Do you trust them /know their dog?

LittleCandle · 19/11/2018 07:21

We got a puppy a couple of months ago. We already have an older dog and knew what we were letting ourselves in for and he's bloody hard work! Always on the go, you have to constantly watch him and the Vax has never worked so hard! We love him to bits, but there are days...

If you are the one being left to look after the puppy, then you will come to resent both it and your DH. You need to sit down as a family and talk about this.

paintinmyhairAgain · 19/11/2018 07:21

let's hope that 'd'h is going to take on the bulk of the care then, or will it be a case of will do until the novelty wears off ? you say he grew up with dogs but was he fully involved with their care /walks etc, probably not and most of it came down to his parents.
bit of a rose tinted glasses thing to do really as it will impact on the rest of the household.

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