DH got a dog?

[Vi0lett]

Yesterday my husband and 10 year old daughter came back with a puppy- I was furious as this wasn’t discussed and my 16 year old daughter and I hadn’t agreed to it. My DD16 is also quite scared of dogs in general and although she’s not scared of the puppy she says she’s not entirely comfortable being home alone with it. I have a colleague who would love to take it and I know it would be giving the dog a good home but do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?

That poor puppy is only 8 weeks

The recommended age for a puppy to go to their new home then? Also she said the puppy was 9 weeks anyway.

Op, you need to sit down all of you and talk about this. Yes DH was wrong to get the pup without discussing it with but he/she’s there now and it’d be just as bad for you to just get rid without discussing it and you'll end being the bad guy.

Ask who’s going to do all the work and make it clear if the dog stays then you’ll be doing absolutely nothing, even if that means calling DH into the room to sort something even though you’re sat right there and could’ve easily done it yourself, and itll all fall to him to sort out training, vets, walks etc. If you really don’t think you can keep the dog and there’s nothing that’ll change your mind then you need to sit with your DH and DDs and explain all your problems and why you can’t keep it.

Also you need to find a way to get the 16 yo over her fear of dogs. Okay, not everyone’s going to like them and that’s fine but at 16 it’s really too old to still be scared of them.

That’s such a huge responsibility to take on. It’s a proper commitment and the fact that he made such an enormous decision, unilaterally, is really troubling.
We discussed getting a dog for 5 years before we actually got one.

What are DH’s working hours? You could make this work IF DH really pulls his weight and responsibly looks after the dog with you. But my hunch is, you’ll end up being everything to that dog, doing everything for that dog, simply because of your DH’s irresponsible approach towards getting a dog. I don’t feel optimistic that he’ll look after it equally.

paint that's my point. I've had a busy day, can you walk it - no.
I'm going to the pub with Fred - no, you're not. You've got a dog.
My point was to make him explicitly aware of the impact it would have.

To be honest though, OP, if you're going to get rid, do it immediately. Then it can go back to its parents and siblings for a bit, at this stage it won't miss you. If you hold on to it and return it later when you've become a surrogate pack, that is cruel. The poor thing won't know what it's done wrong.

Op isn't going to leave wee on the floor if the dog has an accident, she isn't going to sit there ignoring the dog if it's scratching the furniture.

When I got my dog whilst still living with my mum that’s exactly what she did. If she had an accident she’d call me in to sort it out, if I wasn’t home she’d put some toilet paper over it and leave it for me to sort when I’m home. My younger brother and DP would sometimes clean it up if I was in another room/our/bush and shed tell them to stop and not do it, my dog my job.

Sure, and what if Dear Husband is out at work or out of the house doing something else when the dog does its business in the house--does the OP have to sit there with dog poo etc. on the floor waiting for him to come back?

I would TELL my husband to take the puppy back NOW, and if he did not do so I would be taking it back myself.

The fact that the OP's partner just ran out and got a puppy in such a thoughtless way suggests strongly that he is not going to be responsible and do all the dog-related work.

Draw up a contract whereby you state all the toilet training, poo picking, daily dog walking, feeding and bed changing and floor washing and anything to do with the puppy is their responsibility only.

Get them to sign it.

Put a clause in to say they are responsible if they want a night out or weekend away or holiday.

Get it witnessed.

Then sit back with your book and relax.

( If you don't follow my advice you will find yourself lumbered once the novelty of dog ownership has waned)

This is a puppy thread, OP - we need a picture of the puppy! What sort of dog is it?

He must have known about this before he did it. If he's insistent on keeping it make sure it's him that cleans up after it and walks it etc.

Posted too soon.

Every other day I had to hoover and steam clean the floor even though she wasn’t a malting breed and 90% of the mess was not from her. Anything that got damaged I had to pay to fix. I was the only one who’d took her for walks, I asked my brother who gets up 2 hours earlier than me if he’s take her out in the morning ones time and my mum told him he wasnt to do it again as, once again, my dog my job.

At the time I thought she was petty and being really immature about it, why should she get all the benefits of a dog without the hard work and she’d get up to put paper over the wee why couldn’t she do one extra action and bloody wipe it up? But in time I realised she was right to do it that way, I ended up having the strongest bond with my dog out of everyone and I was more prepared for all the hard work when I got my second dog.

Exactly Kokeshi123

Also if the husband refuses to walk it, or take it to the vets is the OP just supposed to sit there whilst the poor dog is being neglected?

A dog is a family commitment, and in this case one person decided their wants were greater than the family as a whole. Someone so selfish doesn't have the dogs best interests at heart.

Your DH is a twat, OP.

A dog is a massive commitment, and the whole family have to be prepared to make that commitment. And I say that as a dog owner for 30+ years.

do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?

They only got him yesterday, she surely can't be that attached to him yet.

Unless your DH is going to assume full responsibility for the dog and will ensure he doesn't negatively impact your older DD (or you) then might be kinder all round if he can be rehomed now or returned to the 'breeder' before your younger DD gets really attached (though she might get bored or annoyed with a disruptive pup anyway).

and the buying of dogs for presents at christmas begins then come jan they end up in dogs homes unwanted because they messed or barked or just the owners became bored this dog is the same scenario what about the financial implications for the rest of its life? you have not said what breed but dogs can live up to 20 years plus every week its food to buy pooh bags not to mention inoculations unexpected vets bills. people have been focusing on training which is important but the financial aspect needs thinking of too. this was totally irresponsible of your husband

(And fwiw I have a dog snuggled up to me now, adore him... but he's definitely a big responsibility and costs both time and money)

Your husband is an irresponsible, selfish, stupid, stupid idiot and so is the ‘friend’ whose dog had the litter - you never give a pup to someone without knowing all the family is on board with it. Stupidity of the absolute highest order

I’ve always had dogs, and have two at the moment, plus I foster pups for animal rescues

Tell him to get in the car and take the pup back to the friend immediately. The sooner the pup is gone the sooner your dc will get over it.

Hi. Just to maybe give you a different perspective - we have a rescue dog now. I'd always had dogs growing up and then had wanted a dog for 20+ years before getting one. Like your DH says, they were one of the best things about my childhood. My ex husband always said a flat no to getting a dog so I just put the idea aside for many years. Then we got divorced and I met my current partner, who also wasn't keen about getting a dog because he'd never had one. Then to be honest I forced the decision. I figured if I don't get a dog now (I'm 44) because DP was unsure, then would I ever get one. He eventually agreed but I'm aware that I really pressured him about it. The conditions for him agreeing were that I do 100% of the care, walks, feeding, etc... (unless I'm ill). I'm a SAHM, so I do all the dog care. Now he loves our dog and is a complete dog convert.

I do think, "was I selfish?" but - it's hard to explain - having a dog is a really big deal for me. For me it completes my family. I know exactly what it involves and t's a lot of work, but I love everything about it. But does that excuse that I pressured someone into it? Maybe not.

Maybe your DH has bought a puppy on a whim, which is a terrible idea. But I wondered if there's any way he feels like me about having a dog, but perhaps just hasn't communicated it well enough what it means to him.

Though if he's expecting you to do the dog care then that sucks and everything I've said is probably irrelevant.

Whilst I agree that getting a dog without consulting the whole family is epically stupid and a recipe for disaster, my mum getting a dog was the best thing for getting rid of my dog phobia, I was terrified to the point I had been to a psychiatrist and once we had the pup my fear has vanished almost completely so it might be a good thing for your elder DD

HRTFT but if my 16-year-old said that... My DD16 is also quite scared of dogs in general and although she’s not scared of the puppy she says she’s not entirely comfortable being home alone with it. I'd tell her to get a fucking grip.

It's your husband's house too. I'd leave if I wanted a dog and was forbidden.

Easier to rehome when they're a cute puppy. Can they go back to the breeder

Sure, and what if Dear Husband is out at work or out of the house doing something else when the dog does its business in the house--does the OP have to sit there with dog poo etc. on the floor waiting for him to come back?
We have a golden retriever, family dog, Pomeranian, DDs dog, Pomapoo, DS1s dog and 2 cats, DD2s. DS2s girlfriend stays over every other week with their chihuahua and Pomeranian. I’ve made it very clear if they get the animals they look after them. The second I think they’re not the dog finds a new home. I have found one of the dogs has done poo on the floor before, texted to find out when the owner is going to be home and left the room. Not very nice but after the puppy stage it happens very rarely. I will help out if I’m asked but I won’t do it all the time.

Also if the husband refuses to walk it, or take it to the vets is the OP just supposed to sit there whilst the poor dog is being neglected?

No, but that will be part of the agreement. As soon as DH or DD starts slacking you let them know they need to start looking for a new home for the dog, hopefully that’ll make them start working harder again and if not the dog goes to a new home. You don’t let it get to point where it’s neglected.

I agree a dog is a HUGE commitment but it’s doesn't have to be a family commitment, or yours at all. It’ll be DHs. If you really truely do not think you want to or can keep the dog then you need to explain your reasons properly and make sure that your DD understands you are not the bad person in the situation and that’s it’s DH that’s made the massive fuck up. There will reasons for and against keeping the dog but at the end of the day you have to do what you think is the best thing for the dog, your home, yourself, and your family. Just don’t make it a YOU decision like your DH has, make sure you discuss it all properly and make sure everyone understands your reasons.

Me and DP live in a rental but at some point we'd like a dog. We've talked about it more than we talked about having our son as it's such a huge commitment! What on earth was he thinking?!

What an idiot!

He knows one child is scared of dogs (curious, are both girls his biological kids? I'm guessing older one isn't for some reason).

Who is going to walk it during the day? Who is going to pick up it's poops? Who is going to put in the hours of training required? Who will be cleaning dog bodily fluids off the floors of your home? Walking it in the rain/cold/dark? Who is going to be paying for 10-20 years of dog food, vaccinations, fleaing, worming, vet bills for illness and accidents (not all of which are covered by pet insurance), kennels if you go on holiday, dog walker if you are going on a non dog friendly long day out, etc. The list is endless!

I grew up with dogs too and have a very loved dog but she is a MASSIVE commitment and if I didn't have a job I loved doing where I can work from home I'd not have adopted her from a rescue. I'm also not really keen on getting dogs from breeders either tbh but that's a whole other topic. The fact he brought this dog home without it being a family decision is despicable as now you, your dds and the dog itself will all be impacted whether you keep it or not.

Whos going to look after it during the day a pup cant be left alone?.
We all know here whos going to end up doing everything for this pup.
If your not fully committed OP tell him to take the pup back to the breeder.

hopefully that’ll make them start working harder again and if not the dog goes to a new home.

But by that point the dog could be several months old, much harder to rehome and the youngest will be much more attached so the guilt over getting rid of the dog is greater.