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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH got a dog?

217 replies

Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 06:15

Yesterday my husband and 10 year old daughter came back with a puppy- I was furious as this wasn’t discussed and my 16 year old daughter and I hadn’t agreed to it. My DD16 is also quite scared of dogs in general and although she’s not scared of the puppy she says she’s not entirely comfortable being home alone with it. I have a colleague who would love to take it and I know it would be giving the dog a good home but do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?

OP posts:
bsbabas · 19/11/2018 11:50

My partner passed out drunk the dog had diarrhea everywhere so i used his shirts to mop it up had to do it three times. I was soo angry!!! He should have taken her out before he decided to get drunk

didyouseetheflaresinthesky · 19/11/2018 11:54

I'd love a dog and I would be fuming too. Its a big decision and should be a family one, considered for months before agreeing.

diddl · 19/11/2018 12:29

" do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?"

No-you make your husband do it if necessary!

Who is supposed to be looking after the dog?

Ghanagirl · 19/11/2018 12:41

@MsHopey
What a silly response “the puppies here now” so OP has someone in mind to offer it a good home a 10 year old doesn’t get to decide to keep a dog who her mother and 16 year old sister will be more likely to have to care of.
If 16 year old is nervous around a puppy what happens when he gets bigger?

1stTimeMama · 19/11/2018 12:43

My husband and I discussed getting a dog for 18 months, involved all of the children, researched breeds for ages etc. and 18 months down the line it's the worst decision I ever went along with. If my husband had just turned up with a dog, I'd have been livid!

How long has the dog been with you? We're stuck now, but if it's not been very long, I'd consider taking it back or finding a good home for it. It's not the dogs fault, nor your daughter's, but it needs to be based on what's beat everyone involved.

Hoopaloop · 19/11/2018 12:49

DH got pissed up and came back with a collie once. Best thing he ever did.

VeryClumsy · 19/11/2018 12:50

I feel for you, dogs are hard work so that was a bit of a selfish decision.

That said, can we see a picture please?Halo

Ghanagirl · 19/11/2018 13:01

@Juells
What 16 year old has no say but 10 year old does not to mention the OP is 50% of the decision makers in household.
You sound unhinged

Ghanagirl · 19/11/2018 13:05

@Juells. really hope you don’t have children with that attitude

CalamityJane10 · 19/11/2018 13:13

Is he going to be responsible for it and look after it? Toilet training, walk twice a day every day in wind and rain, buying food, picking up poo, cleaning hair, replacing destroyed socks and shoes, vet bills, socialising and training, playing with it, arranging insurance etc etc?

If he can 100% commit to that and you are happy to share your space and have all the fun bits - love and snuggles in the evening - then fine. If not, the poor pup needs to be rehomed.

We have an 8 month old puppy who we adore and has now settled down a bit. But the last 8 months have been hard, very hard. We did a lot of research and thinking before we got her but nothing prepared me for the reality- I would not get a puppy again.

rookiemere · 19/11/2018 13:15

Key question is who is looking after DDog?

We got a puppy a few months ago. I wasn't keen but DH and DS 12 were, so I wrote up a contract of responsibilities which we all signed. DS hasn't really kept up his end of the bargain but DH has and he is the one who picks up the poo and opens the door every single time in the evening to let Ddog out. I still have to do a fair bit , so for example today I am working from home so am responsible for walks and so forth. To be honest, I'd still rather not have a DDog but he is a very fine dog and he is well looked after.

If it's you doing the grunt work then I'd definitely not be keeping it.

TemptressofWaikiki · 19/11/2018 13:22

I’d like to hear the full story! I reckon there had been plenty of discussion about getting a dog, as you mentioned yourself that your DH spoke frequently about growing up with a dog and wanted the same for his DC. Only you probably assumed you had the overall say on this and unliterally decided that this was all done and dusted. Why should you override something that will bring so much happiness to your child and partner! And your older daughter will benefit in the long-term too because she will lose her fear about dogs in general very quickly.

rookiemere · 19/11/2018 13:24

Oh and there is no requirement in life to like dogs. It's a bit like the old Mumsnet diktat that everyone should learn to drive regardless of circumstances.
Even if DD 16 "needs" to become less frightened of dogs there's surely an easier way than taking on a 10-15 year £5-10k (vets bills insurance food, dog walking etc) commitment

WhereYouLeftIt · 19/11/2018 13:25

A dog is a big responsibility and your husband is not taking it seriously. I would insist that the dog is returned to it's mother and siblings IMMEDIATELY. It's(supposedly) your husband's friend, there should be no reason why that can't happen.

"but do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?"
The dog arrived yesterday. It's been ONE DAY. How close can she have grown? And what if the novelty wears off?

And who's going to be the one housetraining the puppy? Clearing up the piss and poo in the house, and picking up the poo outside? Taking it walks?

No. Just NO.

Aquilla · 19/11/2018 13:49

This could be just what your 16 year old needs! And your younger child is happy. It will encourage fitness.
Look on the bright side!

DerelictWreck · 19/11/2018 13:52

The recommended age for a puppy to go to their new home then?

Actually stopeatingthatpls the recommended age for a puppy to go to a new home (from a good breeder) is 12 weeks. 8 is the bare minimum if you want to avoid behavioral issues.

rookiemere · 19/11/2018 14:06

It's a slightly moot point but if I google what age should you get a puppy at , I get a page full of responses saying 8 weeks is about right.

However it's hardly the key point here except to point out that pup may not be microchipped or have had first jag leading to more expense and having to keep puppy in for a period of time.

Getting a puppy is not something to be done on a whim and hope it all turns out for the best. I've already been shocked at vets costs for minor things - conjunctivitis cost us £60 - but either you're a responsible dog owner or you're not. Oh and I'm not speaking as a particular dog expert here

Booboostwo · 19/11/2018 14:09

DerelicktWreck is wrong. 8 weeks is fine. Puppy should be with mum for at least the first 6 weeks or may develop dog interaction problems. Socialisation window closes around 14 weeks, so it's important to get the puppy at 8-9 weeks and start socialising.

I don't have any advice OP. Your DH is disrespectful and irresponsible.

stopeatingthatpls · 19/11/2018 14:14

I don’t know what information you’ve been given but I’m not just making it up or taking Google’s word for it. Grin I work for Blue Cross and have a degree in animal behaviour and welfare. A lot of the more “professional” breeders keep their littlers until 12 weeks as they want them to go having had all their injections but 8-9 weeks is recommended as after that they can start to bond too much with their siblings and mum and won’t settle as easily into their new homes potentially causing a lot of distress and behavioural problems. Neither is wrong though, as long as it’s not before 8 weeks and all pups are healthy!

Original poster
Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 14:25

Puppy has had first injections and is microchipped. I know that my husband will do the work with the dog and you’re right that DD needs to get over her fear but it doesn’t take away the fact that my husband really disrespected me. I’m sure it was planned, making him more disrespectful but less irresponsible. I’m still unsure on whether to rehome him

OP posts:
Original poster
Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 14:26

Can’t get a good picture as spencer apparently likes to sleep with his head hanging out of the bed

DH got a dog?
OP posts:
Mamaryllis · 19/11/2018 14:28

I did this. Twice. Grin
Once when dh was away on op tour, and another time he was away away on exercise. I told him I was doing it the first time (by bluey- not like he had an actual choice) and the second time he came home the night before I had to pick the puppy up and I had to tell him because I needed him to get the box out of the loft.
The second time I included the kids too - they helped me read the map to get to deepest hampshire for the pick up.
Dh just rolls his eyes now. I had a dog when we met, so used to go on dates with a slavering ex-military GS. These days we have lazy labradors. He didn’t have any choice but he bore up quite well.

Lichtie · 19/11/2018 14:36

I'm totally missing the point here.... But he's gorgeous.

I would be over the moon if my DH brought a puppy home as a surprise... But get why other people wouldn't.

adoggymama · 19/11/2018 14:50

What kind of pup is it OP? Is it a suitable breed for you family? Do you have the money for insurance and space for it? Did your husband think of that? I'd honestly just be telling him it's his responsibility solely. A dog isn't something you just 'get' on impulse.

Puppies are hard work (we have a 9month old cocker spaniel and training, suitable daily exercise and toilet training has been hard). Plus dogs have extra unexpected bills. For instance we have insurance but our pup needs surgery in a few weeks on both back legs so we have to cough up £2.5k out our own pocket as our insurance will only cover half the cost!

Think long and hard. I feel so bad for the pup :(

Shaboohshoobah1 · 19/11/2018 14:50

People are catastrophising massively on here. I am a dog owner - it’s NOT like having a new born, it really isn’t! It’s hard work for about 3 months and then it’s pretty easy as long as you’re prepared to go on a walk (or two depending on the dog) every SINGLE DAY (doesn’t bother me, it’s my fave part of my day), and as long as one of you is at home for most of the day, it’s fine. Probably costs nearly £100 a month in food/insurance, and £15 a night for dog sitting when we go away. Most of the day ours sleeps in the corner (Labrador) and I forget he’s even there (except when he farts)

If he has grown up with dogs, he knows what to expect. I think once you’ve got over the shock you might find he’s a lovely addition to your family - he looks gorgeous! But you do have to be committed to the walking side of it and one of you needs to be part time?