DH got a dog?

[Vi0lett]

Yesterday my husband and 10 year old daughter came back with a puppy- I was furious as this wasn’t discussed and my 16 year old daughter and I hadn’t agreed to it. My DD16 is also quite scared of dogs in general and although she’s not scared of the puppy she says she’s not entirely comfortable being home alone with it. I have a colleague who would love to take it and I know it would be giving the dog a good home but do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?

I'd have told him to turn back round with it before he got over the doorstep tbh. Having grown up with loads of pets of all kinds, I'm open to the idea of keeping most animals but a dog is 100% not something I'll have again. If he wants a pet, maybe compromise if you can but it's extremely unreasonable of him to just show up with one of the most disruptive animals he could get.

Is DH home all day? Who is going to be looking after the puppy?

I absolutely love dogs but what he has done is potentially cruel and definitely irresponsible.

Have you sat down with him and talked through the practicalities? I would make it clear that I wouldn't be looking after the dog, and take it from there really.

As soon as DH and DD start slacking you let them know they need to start looking for a new home

No! This is a dog, not a toy, you can’t have it on a trial and then toss it out if somebody in the family isn’t doing their share.

If they are not all on board, then the dog should go back or to a new home now, before he settles in.

Hope it's been vaccinated or it can't go out.
What a dickhead

It was hugely irresponsible of your DH. What’s the background to this? Have discussions been taking place generally and DH misinterprets this as an ok at some point then he saw an opportunity to get a puppy from a friend? Personally I can’t imagine a life without dogs, my DH is the same but it still took a lot of discussions and research to get a dog. I agree with your DH it’s agreat thing for a child to have a dog, learning to prioritise another living creatures needs over your wants, the unconditional love a dog gives, there are so many things that humans can learn from having a dog in their lives. But one of the most important thing they teach children is about responsibility. But that lesson hasn’t been learned here. Personally I would sit the whole family down and discuss the situation, everything from walks, vets visits, socialisation, cleaning up, training, feeding. What will happen when you go away etc. Also factor in costs (prob around £100-£150 per month if you don’t need dog walkers etc) ask DH to explain the positives. If your eldest has a fear of dogs but not scared of the puppy it could be a good opportunity to help her get over her fear (you’ve only got to read some of the dog threads on here to see how debilitating this can be- so even if the family decide that you can’t keep this puppy you need to work on this - having a puppy cured our 6 year olds phobia (but our puppy was very carefully chosen for size and likely temperament). Good luck op

Oh and get it vet checked ASAP. It won’t be able to go where other unvaccinated dogs have been until fully vaccinated and kept away from water/where rats have been until t have an wffective vaccine for wiels

Hope it's been vaccinated or it can't go out.

At 9 weeks I’d say it most likely won’t have even had its first yet let alone second or 3rd.

Sounds really irresponsible. If you don't want a dog - or even aren't sure you do - then take the dog back to your OH's friend. At some point in the future - be that next week, next month or next year - you can all decide whether you want to get a dog. Don't get talked into "seeing how it goes" as by then it will feel too late to do anything and your 10 yo will be attached to the puppy.

IMO you both need to have discussed this before getting a dog. I’m TBH not of the opinion that the whole family need to be involved, children are children and they adapt. After all, no-one says the whole family needs to be involved in the decision to have a baby do they? So no, I don’t agree that the kids have a say, but I do think that both adults should discuss it especially as a pet involves financial commitment.

I would be fuming if my DP brought home a puppy without having discussed it with me first, but I do think there’s a lot of catastrophising going on here At the end of the day, do you want a dog? Are you equipped for a dog? What breed of dog is it? There’s a difference for instance between if it were a poodle to say a st Bernard in terms of the amount of destruction/exercise etc that they need, and so on.

But ultimately, is a dog which is something which could fit into your lives? If so, then the dog is here now, you can take it on without too much drama and a year on you won’t even be thinking about how the dog came to be there....

I wouldn’t be rushing around, making threats and demands and ultimatums unless you are absolutely not able to have a dog under any circumstances.

this is out of order. It affects the whole family so everyone needs to be on board. when our old cat had to be PTS, DC2 and I were VERY keen to get a dog, and I was happy to shoulder the full responsibility for walks, cost of keep etc. However DC1 and DH still weren't keen, and so there was no way I'd go ahead (we have two amazing new cats instead).

I'd need to hear his plans for how HE intends to manage walking/feeding/grooming/training/insuring etc, and to be convinced that he was being responsible otherwise I'd rehome - I think far easier to rehome a cute wee puppy than an older, possibly poorly trained dog

My mum did something similar years ago. As a child I was never allowed a dog because my dad hated them with a passion, (all because he got bitten as a baby).
Anyway, one day my mum came home with a little puppy from next door.
She wouldn't take it back and left it in the living room and went off to have a 'strop' upstairs.
Unbeknown to us at the time, she was starting to develop dementia, so doing things 'out of the ordinary' were becoming obvious.
That first night, the puppy cried and cried. My dad looked after it (as my mum refused to) and eventually my dad came to love the dog and it lived for 15 years.
Longer than my mum. In a way that dog did give my dad comfort when he was dealing with mum's illness.

Who's taking responsibility for this dog during the day?

Outrageous behaviour. I'm afraid I would be giving an ultimatum - the dog or me and if the dog was chosen I'd be taking the kuds so either way 10 year old would be losing out.

This is a really important life lesson for your 10 year old. It's heartbreaking but that's your twat of a husbamd's fault.

What next, will he take a job in Saudi because it's good for the family so suck it up, you're allmoving out there?

For those thinking it's an extreme reaction I say to you dogs are a HUGE responsibility and must be treated as so, they are not toys/fads/hobbies.

Awful awful behaviour.

What next, will he take a job in Saudi because it's good for the family so suck it up, you're allmoving out there?

Probably not quite as drastic as that, but I would worry about the precedence this sets if you keep the dog.

I would wager that it will always be a stone to throw in an argument. He will claim he knows best "I don't need your input in this decision. Just look at the dog we have, I made that decision on my own so I can make other decisions too."

Three years ago as a family we decided to get a puppy. It was a decision we thought long and hard over and we agreed that we would ALL pitch in and do our bit.
DH and DD arrived home with 2 puppies (they were all so cute, they couldn’t decide apparently.) Brother and sister.
For the first few weeks all was fine. Hectic but fun too and I grew to love both pups. Unfortunately DH decided very early on that picking up poo just wasn’t for him and DD wasn’t always keen to put the hours in with training and walks.
Today - DH and I have separated and DD is living with her BF. I have full custody of the dogs. They are happy, exercised regularly and have a lovely life. I love them but the commitment is full on. The impact on my time, my finances, my work and social life is massive - I will never part with them. But, I didn’t choose to have 2 dogs and occasionally I feel resentful.
What an idiot of a man to just turn up with a puppy OP. Staggering.
Even if it means being the bad guy with your daughter, you must all be fully on board before you find yourself getting too attached and falling in love with the new arrival. Good luck.

He clearly has no idea what having a puppy or dog involves, nor does it sound like he's thought it through.

Who is going to be home all day to look after this baby animal, because it can't be left alone?
Who is going to take it out into the garden every 40 minutes or so that it becomes house trained?
Who is going to get up to it and look after it at night when it cries because it's a baby and that's what babies do?
Who is going to pay for it's insurance - my insurance is currently £63 per month for my dog?
Can you afford the insurance, food, vet bill etc. Then there are kennel fees if you want to go on holiday? Has he any idea how much these things cost?
Does he realize that dogs are a huge commitment for the whole of its life? You can't leave them alone all day, go off on a whim without thinking about what you will do with the dog.
Dog's get ill, they eventually get old and will need caring for during those times. They aren't just a small cute puppy for the rest of their lives and during their different life stages some of them can be very challenging.

Has he actually given any thought to any of these things before he went ahead and decided to bring this puppy into your home?

He's been incredibly irresponsible. Unless you're both prepared for all these things I'd be telling him to take the dog back to the breeder.

There are already too many unwanted dogs in rescues. Please don't add to them.

Is he the father of the elder daughter? Just stood out to me that he went above your head and ignored one daughters fear to have what he and the younger daughter wanted.

Take the puppy back straightaway. Then have a proper family discussion about whether you want a puppy, after researching what it involves. If you do decide to get one, involve both DCs in its training.

Also you need to find a way to get the 16 yo over her fear of dogs. Okay, not everyone’s going to like them and that’s fine but at 16 it’s really too old to still be scared of them.

Don't be ridiculous. Adults are scared of all sorts of things for all sorts of reasons. I've been scared of dogs (most animals) all of my life and I'm now 57. I can tolerate dogs now (because I'd have no friends if I didn't) in the sense that I can be in someone's house with one if The dog stays away from me. But I would never have one in my home and I will never be left alone with one.

If my dh came home with a dog we would be in the divorce courts.

Quite apart from all that I agree with everyone else, a dog is a whole family decision, not a whim for one person to decide. I would rehome the poor pup as soon as possible though because it would be awful for it to settle in and then it not work out.

I have to say I did the same. I wanted a dog, my dp said no. I thought " I'm not having you say what I can and can't do", so I went out one day and bought one from someone advertising pups on the internet (wrong, I know). My dp came home and found this ball of fluff sitting in his place on the sofa!

Slightly different scenario from OP though, as I'm at home all day and can look after her myself!

And he loves, loves, loves her! I see him sometimes kissing her on the top of her head!

Whole family decision my arse. The children absolutely shouldn’t have any input into this other than that there will/won’t be a dog. If the ten year old had been begging for a puppy no-one would be saying she should be heard,it’s the same the other way around.

The only people who get a say in this are the adults, with the ten year old perhaps being more included because the puppy is already here and does anyone really think that it’s responsible to teach a child that once you take on an animal you can just get rid of it again because someone said no? I don’t think so.

While the husband here has been a monumental prat in bringing home a puppy without discussing it with the OP first, all this talk of leaving him and divorcing him is bloody over dramatic to say the least. The dog is here now, the OP needs to get used to it, unless there are valid reasons why they can’t have a dog, a sixteen year old’s “fear” of them not being one.

The dog is here now, the OP needs to get used to it, unless there are valid reasons why they can’t have a dog, a sixteen year old’s “fear” of them not being one.

That's great Op has to put up and shut up, the child with a phobia has to live in the same house as the thing she's scared of. The husband gets away with making an expensive and life changing decision, and the 10 year old learns that a pet is something you can just decide to get without any planning.

About 100 valid reasons above. Is the dog under warranty if it develops heart condition or something. Breeder sounds v irresponsible. Did your dh see parents to assess temperament size breed personality.....

She doesn’t have a phobia.The OP says that her sixteen year old is “quite scared of dogs in general” and that she’s “not scared of the puppy.

So let’s not talk a bit of being scared into a phobia because it isn’t one.

So 50% of the household, one of those being a 10 year old child, get to decide what the other 50%, one of those being an adult, has to accept and take responsibility for? Okay.