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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH got a dog?

217 replies

Vi0lett · 19/11/2018 06:15

Yesterday my husband and 10 year old daughter came back with a puppy- I was furious as this wasn’t discussed and my 16 year old daughter and I hadn’t agreed to it. My DD16 is also quite scared of dogs in general and although she’s not scared of the puppy she says she’s not entirely comfortable being home alone with it. I have a colleague who would love to take it and I know it would be giving the dog a good home but do I take it away from my DD10 who has already grown close to him?

OP posts:
brighton19 · 19/11/2018 07:27

Unbelievable! Literally unfathomable how your dh would think this ok or how you would accept it from him!

FishesThatFly · 19/11/2018 07:34

Your be the one left clearing up after it. If you're happy with that then keep it, if not I'd give it away without discussing it....just like he didn't discuss it with you

Parky04 · 19/11/2018 07:36

Wow a decision as big as this has to be a family decision. If it was me the dog would have to go. A dog needs a loving and committed family.

smeerf · 19/11/2018 07:39

I bet it's down to the OP to do all the dogadmin - vet, insurance, dog walker, cleaning, getting a cage etc.

LannieDuck · 19/11/2018 07:43

I think I would tell DH that everything to do with the dog is down to him, and mean it. You might find he changes his mind quite fast:

Walking (every day), cleaning up any messes, bathing dog, taking dog to vet (and arranging it, and paying for it), buying collars / dog beds etc.

ScoobyGangMember · 19/11/2018 07:48

Take it back to the breeder.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/11/2018 07:49

Have a talk with your 10-year-old about how a dog is a huge responsibility and how it will distress your elder DD, and your DH should not have got one without a family discussion, because you do not want a dog, and the people who do not want a dog should not have to have one: it is easier for her and your H to see and appreciate dogs elsewhere than for you and other DD to put up with one in the house all the time. Then either send the dog back or rehome it elsewhere.

And don't worry about being seen to 'undermine' your H. He doesn't get to do as he likes with no consequences.

Nanny0gg · 19/11/2018 07:53

What did you actually say to him?

Will someone be at home with the pup?

IceRebel · 19/11/2018 08:00

I would be taking it back. Don't say we'll keep it only if he does everything, as then he's got what he wanted. Also don't worry about upsetting your 10 year old, as that's his fault for just going ahead and getting the dog.

It goes back, end of discussion, and if he gets arsey with you, remind him he is not the only one living there, and you will not have such a life changing decision made without you.

Branleuse · 19/11/2018 08:02

id say it goes back to the friend and then you discuss it as a family

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 19/11/2018 08:04

Good grief. He’s a fool isn’t he? This could end very badly all round.

MrsReacher1 · 19/11/2018 08:04

If your DH takes on the responsibility and your younger DD loves it can you make the best of it? (Not condoning his actions but DD 16 will be gone in a couple of years and it seems as if it is important to DH).

Only other option is send it back to the breeder

AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy · 19/11/2018 08:05

Sorry, forgot to say definitely return the puppy. It’s a living thing, not a toy. And usually, “Mum” ends up “doing” the dog.

DerelictWreck · 19/11/2018 08:06

That poor puppy is only 8 weeks :( given that your DH has had dogs all his life you'd think he'd get a puppy from a more responsible breeder!

BinglyBunglyBoops · 19/11/2018 08:06

Will you be expected to do the caring for this dog then?

BarbarianMum · 19/11/2018 08:08

Who is going to look after it? You or Dh?

MemoryOfSleep · 19/11/2018 08:09

If you keep it, insist on doing it properly, e.g. It can't regularly be left on its own for more than four hours even as an adult dog. Does he know what the guidelines are now?

Kokeshi123 · 19/11/2018 08:19

Return the dog pronto, seriously.

Your teenager daughter should indeed work on her fear of dogs, but you don't have to be afraid of dogs to feel that you do not want to have one in the house. They are a lot of work and it's the woman who typically winds up doing most of it.

WendyWoofer · 19/11/2018 08:24

Tell your foolish DH to take the puppy back where he came from.
Otherwise this will be another dog that's going to be thrown out the garden with no life, no love, no company once it has grown out of the puppy stage and DD gets fed up with it.

TatianaLarina · 19/11/2018 08:27

My BIL did exactly this, except my sis’s kids were babies.

She made him take the dog straight back.

ButchyRestingFace · 19/11/2018 08:27

Is your 16 yo not your husband’s child?

Difficult to comprehend why he’s acted the way he has. What did he have to say for himself?

paintinmyhairAgain · 19/11/2018 08:28

it's all very well insisting on doing it properly memory and yes that milght last for awhile but as we all know the excuses will soon come in dw i've had a busy day can you walk dog, dw fred's asked me out for a few beers won't be in to walk dog..and so on.
dh sounds like a big kid and has got dd2 on side, you will be the baddie if dog goes but what choice do you really have ?

Sexnotgender · 19/11/2018 08:29

Wow! That’s ridiculous.

Having a puppy is like having a newborn, they are incredibly hard working,
That type of commitment is a family decision, he has no right to dictate this.

You need to make it clear that if the puppy stays he and he alone is 100% responsible for ALL of its care and the first sign of slacking you need to return the dog to the breeder.

MyBrexitIsIll · 19/11/2018 08:33

I suspect theason involved your dd10 is because he knows that taking the dog back when she is already grown fond of it will be hard for her. And that you’ll think twice about doing that (which you are.

I would call a family meeting and ask each person to bring their issues/worries/good sides to the table.
Your DH needs to hear about your dd16 worries and isn’t allowed to brush them off.
He needs to hear you issues about it (unilateral decision, who is going to take care of the dog etc...). And I think both your dcs need to hear that too.
And then you need to comme up with a solution that works for everyone.

Don’t assume the answer is taking the dog away. You would be doing the same thing than your DH. Taking an executive decision wo consulting everyone.
But don’t let yu R DH get away with no taking everyone else needs into account either.

IceRebel · 19/11/2018 08:34

I wish people would stop saying if you keep the dog he does all the work. Life doesn't work like that. Op isn't going to leave wee on the floor if the dog has an accident, she isn't going to sit there ignoring the dog if it's scratching the furniture.

A dog impacts everyone in the house. The only solution here is to send it back.