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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being left to eat alone in a pub because I'd annoyed him?

259 replies

StrugglingWife · 15/11/2018 18:52

Out with the OH at a busy pub - ordered our drinks and food. I asked him a question (about tax of all things) and he gave an answer that didn't really give me the info I needed and I wanted to know to continue in the conversation we were in. I got my phone to look it up on google and he asked me to put my phone away saying that I "didn't need to know the answer now" - I continued to look - he got up and walked out - leaving me alone in the pub (we were staying over and he went back to the room) I felt humiliated when the waitress came out with both our meals and I had to send his back. I ate my dinner alone - went back to the room where he was acting like it was me who was totally out of order. Next morning he said he would do the same thing again if the situation arose - even knowing how hurt I felt. AIBU to think that he was being a disrespectful arsehole??

OP posts:
krustykittens · 15/11/2018 18:54

Err, he sounds like a controlling wanker! What was his problem, that you argued with his answer? That you dared to say it wasn't good enough, so he punished you?

CiderBrains · 15/11/2018 18:55

Yabu. If I were you I would have eaten a meal together then "googled" on your phone afterwards and continued the conversation with him.

MidiMitch · 15/11/2018 18:55

I'd have eaten his dinner too and sent him a picture of the empty plate.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 15/11/2018 18:56

Is he always like this?

I would have gone home. Wanker.

nikkylou · 15/11/2018 18:59

Wow he seems great...
Yanbu. How rude to completely walk out when foods ordered no less!
It's a fairly normal thing to check your phone for a fact even if you try and have a no phones at dinner rule.
I dislike phones out when we're trying to have a meal, and would tell my partner to put it away, we'd talk about what ever it was lafter, and I'd be annoyed if they continued but wouldn't walk out. Especially not completely. I can sort of see how a walked out for some air as frustrated might be somewhat reasonable.
But completely out, yanbu.
Do it to him over a minor table manner infraction. See how he likes it.

Oobis · 15/11/2018 19:00

Gosh, he sounds, er, lovely? When did he become the senior member of your partnership and the one who dictates conversation and behaviour? I'm pleased you ate your dinner and didn't run after him with apologies. I'd be evaluating the rest of the relationship if I was you though.
This is normal stuff for a lady in my life. She's had 40 years of apologising for poor behaviour, tantrums, being left to eat alone in restaurants and all sorts. Now it's simply her role in life, along with being the one down to whom 💩 rolls as it inevitably does. I hope your role in the partnership and indeed life is more than this.

Trills · 15/11/2018 19:03

I will second "wanker".

Trills · 15/11/2018 19:03

I bet this isn't the only way in which he considers his (very delicate, easily offended) feelings to be much more important than yours.

AHeartAPenny · 15/11/2018 19:04

I think you were both kind of disrespectful. He could have tried a little harder to talk to you before deciding to give up on the dinner. But are you often on your phone when you're out with him? Has it been an issue before? Phones at the table are considered quite rude by a lot of people. Barring emergencies if you'd rather be doing life admin / Instagramming / catching up on emails, then don't waste someone else's time who's trying to hang out with you.

Original poster
StrugglingWife · 15/11/2018 19:04

CiderBrains - we had only just ordered our food and they had told us there would be at least a 30minute wait as the pub was so busy. We were just chatting about stuff...I sat alone for a good 15minutes before our food arrived.
I told him how I had felt and even then he didn't apologise to say he'd over-reacted but simply that he'd do the same thing again!

OP posts:
TheQueef · 15/11/2018 19:05

Unless this is a drip and the reason you are on a mini break is to patch things up because you never look up from the screen?

JazzyJelly · 15/11/2018 19:05

He sounds like an absolute arse. Does he have any good qualities? Because acting like a precocious child would need something incredible to make him worth being with.

mumonashoestring · 15/11/2018 19:06

Do you spend a lot of time being told how to behave around him?

Or the flip side, does he spend a lot of time looking at the top of your head while you're poking about on your phone?

UmSayWhat · 15/11/2018 19:06

Those of you saying the OP shouldn’t have checked her phone, do you actually think his over the top reaction is justified?? I can see why he might get snappy about it but to walk off? To leave someone in a restaurant? Really?

MorrisZapp · 15/11/2018 19:06

Let me guess. He's a habitual phone looker himself but that one time you do it it's like omg you're always on your phone?

Original poster
StrugglingWife · 15/11/2018 19:06

AHeartaPenny - my phone was in my handbag. I wasn't using it before I wanted to know the answer to the question - which would have allowed me to continue with the conversation we were in. Without the information I couldn't add anything to the conversation and would just have had to take his word for what was being said which i kind of knew wasn't right. I would have checked google and put my phone back where it was. No - I don't go on my phone at dinner generally.

OP posts:
FishesThatFly · 15/11/2018 19:07

Hmmmm....think you need to have a think if you are willing to put up with this treatment for the rest of your life

moredoll · 15/11/2018 19:11

I'd drop him. You're going to have to one day,. so it might as well be sooner rather than later. And I say that as someone who can't stand phones at table.

LannieDuck · 15/11/2018 19:12

My FIL is similar. He once threw a huge strop when I looked up something during a discussion with him. He likes to 'win' arguments, and really can't stand being proved wrong. I studiously avoid getting into any debates/discussions/arguments with him now.

At least your DH suffered the consequences of his tantrum by having a hungry tummy all night.

WineGummyBear · 15/11/2018 19:13

He's not the boss of you.

He seems to think he is though.

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 15/11/2018 19:14

Maybe he didn't want to talk about tax? If he was giving non committal, uninterested answers and then asked you to leave the googling until later then he clearly didn't want to talk about tax.

Gabilou · 15/11/2018 19:16

Tbh I’ve often wanted to do this to my husband. He asked politely and you were there for a date. I think it was pretty rude to get your phone out in such an intimate dinner if I’m honest. Especially as he’d already asked you not too...

EverardDigby · 15/11/2018 19:17

I had one of these. He walked out on me on various occasions for made up reasons. I really should have left him sooner. His reaction was completely OTT.

Blanchedupetitpois · 15/11/2018 19:18

I think you were really rude to google when out for dinner, especially when you knew he found it rude, but he was really OTT in his response and needs to learn to resolve issues without storming off.

ScreamingValenta · 15/11/2018 19:21

YANBU. I can understand him being slightly annoyed at you using your phone at the table, but the scale of his reaction was totally unreasonable.