Being left to eat alone in a pub because I'd annoyed him?

[StrugglingWife]

Out with the OH at a busy pub - ordered our drinks and food. I asked him a question (about tax of all things) and he gave an answer that didn't really give me the info I needed and I wanted to know to continue in the conversation we were in. I got my phone to look it up on google and he asked me to put my phone away saying that I "didn't need to know the answer now" - I continued to look - he got up and walked out - leaving me alone in the pub (we were staying over and he went back to the room) I felt humiliated when the waitress came out with both our meals and I had to send his back. I ate my dinner alone - went back to the room where he was acting like it was me who was totally out of order. Next morning he said he would do the same thing again if the situation arose - even knowing how hurt I felt. AIBU to think that he was being a disrespectful arsehole??

Iaimtomisbehave1 - he is the one who usually talks about such things and says that I'm totally uninterested - yet when I've shown some interest, I get told off for that too
Gabilou - I didn't think of it as an 'intimate dinner' - we were staying over because I was away for work and he came with me for the ride. I understand that if he had asked me not to because I was on facebook or social media then I totally agree with you - I just wanted to stay in the conversation with some knowledge but maybe I should just have changed the subject. (I know though that I would then have forgotten to check the next day!)

It seems to me that he didn't like being proved wrong.

I think it was pretty rude to get your phone out in such an intimate dinner if I’m honest.

They were in a busy PUB how can that possibly be an intimate dinner?

If you can honestly say that you don't spend too much time on your phone when your with him then sack him off 👋

He definitely didn’t want you to prove him wrong. I doubt it’s about the phone use...

Walking out on your partner, leaving them there, embarrassed and alone is pretty shitty behaviour.

You both sound childish

So you were trtrying to prove him wrong?

Thirding. He's a fucking wanker with massive control issues.

he came with you for the ride
Can you elaborate on that?

What would really get my back up would be the comment "you don't need to know right now".

You're not a child, and he's not your parent.

He sounds like a massive wanker and I would be telling him to sling his hook.

He was there to eat dinner with you. Conversation with your partner over dinner, even in a busy pub, doesn't need to involve talking about tax. I presume that since you were staying there it was supposed to be fairly relaxing night away as a couple as opposed to you've gone to your local because you couldn't be assed to cook at home.

If he said he didn't want to discuss it then, then maybe he was after some chill time with his wife rather than discuss the mundane routine of life? There's a time and place for everything and clearly a night away together wasn't the right time. I don't blame him for walking off tbh if you didn't listen to him saying he didn't want to discuss tax tonight.. instead you ignored and googled away..

He was out of order to walk out.
However ... it is beyond irritating to go for a meal with someone where they ignore you to look at their phone. He asked you to put it away and you paid no attention. Is this something you do a lot?

Could he have been 'hangry'. Is he diabetic?

Sounds like my stbx.

This kind of behaviour is all about control. He, for some reason, thinks that he should be the boss in your relationship...you will never get him to think otherwise. Men like that can never admit to being wrong.

Tbh I'm so so sick of DH being on his bloody phone when we're meant to be spending quality time together, or any time for that matter, that I think YABU

I think it's rude to use a mobile phone when eating or in company. He did ask you to put it away. He was right, you didn't need to know the answer there and then, you could have waited until you had gone to your room.

If it was the other way around, and you had asked him to put his phone away and he refused then I'm sure, you wouldn't have been too happy with him.

Ah so he doesn't like to be proved wrong and wants you to meekly accept his "truth"

He sounds controlling and a manchild

Without me jumping to conclusions. Yes, it does sound like wankerish behaviour. However. I have been with my DP for years, his trait that makes me want to launch him into outer space is having to 'prove' something that I have said, if he doesn't already know it. When I see that mobile come out....grrr. Maybe your dp was feeling similar? Or maybe he's just being a twatt.

So he didn't want you to prove him wrong, but you did want to argue the point and be right. So he tells you what to do. You ignore it. He strops off. And you leave him to it.
Doesn't sound like a happy future awaits, frankly.

He was completely over reacting.

would just have had to take his word for what was being said

He wasn't bothered about the phone use, he was bothered about you challenging his authority by not accepting his unhelpful take on things. He wanted to feel powerful as the one with more knowledge than you, the one responsible for delivering knowledge, and you undermined that by recognising he wasn't right and seeking out the facts for yourself.

The behaviour you've described is about controlling you - that's why he's refused to apologise, that's why he's told you it's your fault, that's why you can't win whatever you do.

The fact that you're criticised for not being well enough informed and then basically punished for attempting to inform yourself smacks of someone who is only interested in lording it over you. He doesn't care what excuse he uses to wield power over you - whether it's your lack of knowledge or your attempts to gain knowledge - he just needs to be the one with something to hold over you.

It's not normal behaviour. It's not a healthy relationship. And this tiptoeing around, trying to appease him is not how everybody else is living.

Www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Well done for standing up for yourself and staying to eat your meal. You can do better than someone who treats you like this.

I dunno I think it's one of those times I want to hear his side of the story. It sounds wankerish but also could be the last straw for him.

Also, you wanted to talk about tax?

Yes mobiles at meal times are really annoying but his behaviour was ott. However you are both part of the problem

ciderbrains - as I've said - he brought up the subject. We run a business together and we've been going through a tax planning/pensions thing - he was saying something that I didn't understand and didn't think sounded right so i wanted to check. He didn't say he didn't want to talk about tax just that I didn't need to look at my phone to find out the details 'right now' - I could do that later which would have meant that I couldn't then contribute any further to the conversation. It's hard to give the whole background and context of something in a short(ish) post. Maybe I do need to think about when I check my phone but as someone else said I was more bothered about being told that I didn't need to know now (in other words, just accept what I'm saying)and when this is my long term financial future we're discussing, I don't think that's okay.

Rosamacrosa - the car ride of course