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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Being left to eat alone in a pub because I'd annoyed him?

259 replies

StrugglingWife · 15/11/2018 18:52

Out with the OH at a busy pub - ordered our drinks and food. I asked him a question (about tax of all things) and he gave an answer that didn't really give me the info I needed and I wanted to know to continue in the conversation we were in. I got my phone to look it up on google and he asked me to put my phone away saying that I "didn't need to know the answer now" - I continued to look - he got up and walked out - leaving me alone in the pub (we were staying over and he went back to the room) I felt humiliated when the waitress came out with both our meals and I had to send his back. I ate my dinner alone - went back to the room where he was acting like it was me who was totally out of order. Next morning he said he would do the same thing again if the situation arose - even knowing how hurt I felt. AIBU to think that he was being a disrespectful arsehole??

OP posts:
Original poster
StrugglingWife · 15/11/2018 20:08

For folks asking am I always on my phone when with him - no I'm not. My phone was in my handbag. I hadn't been looking at it at all till that point. Maybe I need to monitor my own phone usage to see if it really is a problem - and I'm just not noticing it Blush

OP posts:
Amyerda · 15/11/2018 20:09

I was once married to a man who did this sort if stuff. It eroded my love for him and I left. I'm much much happier now.

Fucksgiven · 15/11/2018 20:10

We're you trying to prove him wrong about something with the Google check?

Franinipancake · 15/11/2018 20:10

All the people saying that they have a thing about checking phones at meals/in company - that's totally fair enough, but none of you I bet would do what the OP's husband did and walk out like that? Would anyone here do that? It's really humiliating - quite horrible in fact OP. How will he be if you try and talk to him again about it when you get a chance? I would want to give him the chance to explain what he thinks prompted him to react like that. At the same time though, even if this was the "last straw" because of a list of reasons he can explain that you're not aware of, I still don't think anything justifies storming out. It's humiliating and very controlling.

AssassinatedBeauty · 15/11/2018 20:11

Your phone usage is a side issue. If your partner has an issue with it, then he needs to talk to you about it properly and without getting angry and emotional and walking out.

Knowmydisrespect · 15/11/2018 20:12

He walked out because he didn't like that the OP was doubting his word, that she had the audacity to check the accuracy of what he was saying, and then she actually had the gall to disobey him.

I used to be married to a man like this.

OP, if I were you, I'd be thinking very carefully about what your future holds.

Jacksback · 15/11/2018 20:18

Have a long think about this relationship , at the very least it is odd , but my feeling is , also considering the silent treatment , is that it is controlling and emotionally abusive behaviour .
Your post reminded me off a ex partner , he would do these kind of things ( and more )
Think long and hard about this relationship
Are there other ‘ red flags ‘ ?

blackchina · 15/11/2018 20:21

YABU. I would have got up and walked away from someone pissing around on their phone, when we were meant to be having a meal together.

You were rude, and I can't fathom why people seem to think HE is in the wrong.

MemoryOfSleep · 15/11/2018 20:21

YANBU. He over-reacted and behaved very childishly. I would just keep doing it if I were you. Every time you go out to dinner. He'd either grow up or get used to being hungry.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 15/11/2018 20:23

I have a friend who Google’s things when we’re talking and I’m just sat there staring at her for 5-10 minutes while she’s searching for an answer for something that doesn’t really matter. It’s so fucking rude and pisses me off so I’m on your husbands side with this one!

Teagoanngoanngoann · 15/11/2018 20:25

LTB

MyBrexitIsIll · 15/11/2018 20:27

I hate p, really hate people soending their time on the phone whilst at the table.
However, in a case Ike the OP, I wouod have had no issue with someone telling me ‘hold on, let me check that one out. Oh have you seen that xxxx’ Because you are still carrying on with the conversation rather than ignoring the person or changing the subject/not really listening.

Anyone who would tell me that I had to just take their word for it and would get in a mood because I wasn’t wouod get my back up tbh.
Same with getting in a huff, giving me the silent treatment or telling me in advance I would Be ‘punished’ for daring doing xxx.

If I was at your place OP I would

  • wonder if he really has my best interest at heart and double check EVERYTHING about taxes.
  • check with the accountant (on your own!) If thé split s business owners is fair between you and your DH
  • keep a very close eye to see how often he is shutting you down like this, insists he knows and you should just blindly trust him etc...
pallisers · 15/11/2018 20:27

If I'm honest, he does this kind of thing a fair bit - without the storming off - usually I just get the silent treatment.

I think you should consider this carefully. Silent treatment/storming out and leaving you alone. None of these are normal responses (despite the brigade of keyboard warriors who are sure they would storm out on someone if they dared to look once at their phone at dinner. No you wouldn't. And if you did you would be rude and arrogant.)

Would he have done this if you were a work colleague and not his wife? you were on a work trip and discussing work stuff but he stropped off like a teenager. Bet he wouldn't do that with anyone but his wife.

ReanimatedSGB · 15/11/2018 20:30

I'm concerned that you are in a business partnership with this prick ,and you say this sort of sulky, petulant, punitive behaviour is not unusual.
Are you, by any chance, the smarter one? The one whose business it really is? Is he often a) wrong about business matters and b) tantrums when challenged?
I think there is a possibility he is either incompetent or actively ripping you off, because he resents the fact that you are not his obedient servant and considers that he should be the boss.

Vicky1990 · 15/11/2018 20:31

Basic good manners seem to a thing of the past.
It is very rude to ignore the person you are with and divert your attention somewhere else, especially as you had been asked not to.

MyBrexitIsIll · 15/11/2018 20:32

I would have got up and walked away from someone pissing around on their phone, when we were meant to be having a meal together.

Who said she was pissing around when she was on the Internet?
And what makes you think it lasted for a very long time?
And how does it make his comment acceptable? The one where he says ‘the OP didn't need to know the answer‘ to that question. That she should just acceptbwhatevr he was saying as the truth.

Tbh i suspect that this is only one more occasion where the OP has been shut down by him. She reacted accordingly....

LoniceraJaponica · 15/11/2018 20:33

He sounds pathetic

blackchina · 15/11/2018 20:35

@pallisers

the brigade of keyboard warriors

AKA 'people who don't agree with MEEEEEEEEEEE!'

blackchina · 15/11/2018 20:36

And yes I WOULD get up and walk away from a table where someone was fucking about on their phone, and I have done it.

I have no time for ignorance and rudeness.

Bluntness100 · 15/11/2018 20:37

Good god, some of thr responses on here, victim blaming at its worst.

Op, you were having a business discussion, it's valid you want to check a point, it's not his call to tell you not to or effectively not to worry your pretty little head about it.

Inform him in no uncertain terms you are business partners and if you're unsure of a point mid discussion and you wish to check it you will. If he continues to storm off like a sulky child then he will miss a lot of dinners. However your behaviour will not change.

Don't be bullied here and set your stall out. You're an equal partner and if you wish to check a point you will, when you please.

Twisique · 15/11/2018 20:40

He doesn't like being wrong. How dare you not do as you are told!

Nanny0gg · 15/11/2018 20:40

OP was rude to look at the phone in mid-conversation (this is a pet hate of mine when people do this).

Would it have been ok if she'd looked up the info in a book?

They run a business, I would assume that knowing the tax info would be pretty useful for that. They weren't on a Date Night, the OP was on a business trip (for said business?)
He was pathetic.

How's it been since, OP?

Karwomannghia · 15/11/2018 20:43

Nothing to do with the phone I reckon- more that he was unsure what he was saying was right but didn’t like you questioning him and couldn’t bear to be shown up by you.

Original poster
StrugglingWife · 15/11/2018 20:46

ReanimatedSGB - yes it was my business for 8yrs before he 'joined' - prior to that I did all the admin stuff myself.

Notumbongounchained - to google the question took around 10secs for me to type the question - the answer appears pretty much immediately. I would have been back in the conversation within 20seconds not 5-10minutes.

I agree with folks who say that constantly being on your phone while in company is disrespectful and I don't do that. We are having a business discussion - I need to know the facts (not his hypothesis on something) - I check with google (who knows everything!) in order that we can make a decision we're both happy with.

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 15/11/2018 20:48

Ffs they were discusding business stuff.
He said something op knew wasn't right and checked it so she could continue the discussion properly.
Wtf os the point of discusding something important if one of you has the wrong end of the stick?

He got thw hump cos op knew he was wrong and he didnt like it.

Its obviously not a one off by ops other posts.

Op i would be reconsidering the whole relationship. You.cant run a business with a man who has tantrums like a 2yr old if he isnt seen.as god almighty.

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