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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed

258 replies

Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 20:52

I know im probably abu

Dd(4)has asked to start an additional dance class in a different style, the sat class doesn't fit with the timings of her current dance class so theyve offered her a midweek class

Ils have said they wont take her as they have commitments with dn in the week with her clubs and its too much

I respect its their time and decision bit i can't help feeling a bit annoyed as it just feels so one sided because

Its not a long term commitment as in 2 terms dds current class time will change and the sat class will fit

We rarely ask for weekend childcare but dn is there every weekend

Its 14 miles round trip to dance dns school is a 60 mile round trip with clubs

Both pils drive so if theres occasional clashes it could still be done

It just feels so unfair that dd has to miss out

Aibu to feel miffed

OP posts:
JosellaPlayton · 20/10/2018 21:02

Yeah you are being a bit unreasonable (sorry). If you want your DD to do this activity it’s your job to sort out how she gets there and your ILs have no obligation to do this if they don’t want to. Also, she’s 4 and already does one dance class a week, will she really miss this extra one? I’d just leave it until she can do it on a Saturday in 2 terms time and sign her up then if she’s still keen.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:04

Josella- i know iabu it just feels unfair that ils cover dns clubs and weekend childcare but can't help my dd

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 20/10/2018 21:06

It sounds like alot for a 4 year old

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:07

Lethal shes been dancing since 18 months shes asked to do the other class

OP posts:
JosellaPlayton · 20/10/2018 21:09

If they’ve already committed to DNeice at the weekend then I see why they don’t want to add more mid-week commitments. But whilst YABU about the dance class, YANBU if you feel like GPs don’t treat both girls equally.

formerbabe · 20/10/2018 21:09

Why can't you take her to the class seeing as she's your child? Confused

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:11

Former - were both at work so can't if we could we wouldnt have asked ils, just like if the saturday classes didnt clash Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:11

Josella thats it i think it doesnt feel equal and that is what has annoyed me

OP posts:
Barbie222 · 20/10/2018 21:13

I think if she's 4 you need to unclench and see what you can get her to yourself. People get older and more tired, you don't know if your in-laws are trying to get out of the care for your niece too as it might be a bit much?

TeddybearBaby · 20/10/2018 21:14

It’s the fact that they’ve said they can’t take your daughter but they’ll make sure your niece doesn’t miss out on her activities that’s upset you. I get it but unless you say something I guess you just have to try and move on. What does your husband / partner say. Are they his parents?

formerbabe · 20/10/2018 21:14

So they already provide you with free childcare so you can work?!

I suggest if you'd like more freedom for you and your family, you or your dh gives up work and becomes a sahp, then you won't have this problem.

Unihorn · 20/10/2018 21:15

I know where you're coming from as I have three older siblings and I don't even bother asking for childcare as my parents already do so much for the other grandchildren, I don't even feel like I can ask.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:18

Former they pick up dd after full time nursery twice a week for 1 hour at their request as i work part time

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:19

Former and one afternoon a week for 3 hours

OP posts:
MortyVicar · 20/10/2018 21:21

So they already provide you with free childcare so you can work?

The OP hasn't said anything of the sort. But hey, just carry on being outraged and judgy.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:21

Teddy- that has hit the nail on the head

OP posts:
mimibunz · 20/10/2018 21:22

She’s 4! She’s not missing out because she can’t take a second dance class. Is this for real?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:24

Mimi her age is irrelevant if she enjoys the activity surely?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:38

Its also the fact that when dd dies shows ils expect a front row seat to watch her and a copy of the dvd

OP posts:
SpiritedLondon · 20/10/2018 21:47

I’m afraid that when you work and have children these are the challenges that you face. My DD6 is not able to go to clubs outside of school Monday to Thursday because we can’t take her and don’t have a relative nearby to help. My sister lives near my mum and uses her all the time - it’s life. I’m afraid you either find a friend to do it, share with another parent or wait the 2 terms. I don’t think waiting a little bit to do another dance class at 4 is a big deal - although I’m not sure I’d expect her to do 2 classes in a day at that age.

Lethaldrizzle · 20/10/2018 21:49

Yes because they're her grandparents!

Lethaldrizzle · 20/10/2018 21:51

Meaning they shouldn't have to 'earn' front row seats

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 21:53

They can have the seats its the fact that they babble on that they love to see her dance etc but wont drop her to a class once a week

OP posts:
Nicknacky · 20/10/2018 21:54

They have prior commitments. If you can’t get her there then she doesn’t take the class and it’s as simple as that.

m0therofdragons · 20/10/2018 21:57

Taking dc to clubs is stressful and your pil have said they don't want to. I dislike the rushing round but do it because I love my 3 dc but I'd never ask my parents or in laws unless it was a one off for Granny to watch dd dance. Sometimes a dc asks for something and we as parents have to say no or not yet. My parents see my dc more than my brother's dc (he lives in a different country) but this doesn't equate to loving them more. Just stop being entitled because you work.