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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed

258 replies

Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 20:52

I know im probably abu

Dd(4)has asked to start an additional dance class in a different style, the sat class doesn't fit with the timings of her current dance class so theyve offered her a midweek class

Ils have said they wont take her as they have commitments with dn in the week with her clubs and its too much

I respect its their time and decision bit i can't help feeling a bit annoyed as it just feels so one sided because

Its not a long term commitment as in 2 terms dds current class time will change and the sat class will fit

We rarely ask for weekend childcare but dn is there every weekend

Its 14 miles round trip to dance dns school is a 60 mile round trip with clubs

Both pils drive so if theres occasional clashes it could still be done

It just feels so unfair that dd has to miss out

Aibu to feel miffed

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:22

They would be in and out like fiddlers elbows that day. Can’t you see that? It would be a pain in the ass.

I have multiple kids and my most hated night was a Wednesday. Single parent. No one else to do it. One to activity for 7. One to activity for 7.30. Pick one up at 8.30. Pick one up at 9.30.

In and out all fucking night. And that was only 10 minutes up the damn road.

You are being massively massively unreasonable.

disappearingninepatch · 21/10/2018 08:22

Don't you love threads like this?
OP: AIBU
MN: Yes
OP: No, I'm not.

Do DN's club necessitate a 60 mile round trip? There's a difference between popping a child down the road to beavers and driving 60 miles.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:23

Ft- having an expectation that gps treat gc fairly isnt being a cf

OP posts:
Ameliarose16 · 21/10/2018 08:23

You sound like a pushy dance mom. If you want her to go take her yourself or don't start the class. She's your child.

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:24

You are being a complete CF. There’s treating them fairly. And there’s treating them exactly the same. One is achievable. One isn’t.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:24

Disappearing read the op

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 21/10/2018 08:27

Op you're right, you're dd will notice because you'll make sure she will.

How much do you pay for the childcare they're already providing? Or if its free what do you do for them to say thanks? Do you think they and everyone are oblivious to your constant comparing of what they do for you and for your bil s family?

Seems like a very wearying way to live, always looking to ensure no ones got something more than you.

outreach29 · 21/10/2018 08:29

Right - so a 20 minute drive each way, that's 40 minute drive in total and 28 miles on the road.

Maybe they just dont want to do that. Can't blame them

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:30

Outreach it's 7 miles each way

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 21/10/2018 08:32

YABVU.

The PILs already help you out.

Your DD can wait 2 terms and join when it fits her schedule.

Your comment about DD noticing was telling - of course she will if you make such a drama.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:32

saoirse31- we dont pay them they wont take money from us, but we take them out for dinner on a regular basis, do their greengrocer shop with ours and take it to them when they need it. Ensure they get lovely presents for birthdays etc

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:33

We havent mentioned anything to dd and nor will we, but shes not stupid shell notice

OP posts:
outreach29 · 21/10/2018 08:34

oops just saw that - but still, I have to agree with other posters that you are being unreasonable.

It doesn't sound like they want to do it, and I wouldn't push it as it sounds like you have a good arrangement for childcare already.

disappearingninepatch · 21/10/2018 08:34

Disappearing read the op

I was just coming back to apologies for misreading the OP, but ... Hmm

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:37

So unless they want to sit there with DN it is 28 miles.

DancingForTheDog · 21/10/2018 08:38

Your in-laws don't owe you childcare and you should be very very grateful that they have your child 3 days a week already without sulking that they won't do more. Your children are your responsibility. Their free time is not time for you to fill. They have raised their family and any time they give you is a huge favour. And yes, with all they do for you they deserve a front row seat at the dance show! Try to show a bit more gratitude or you may find you have no free childcare in future.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:39

Outreach i wont push it and i know that its their time their choice and all the rest of it but its still made me cross that they're happy to do it for dn but not my dd

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:40

What does this negative but they have x I want y to be exactly the same get you exactly? How does it bring a positive benefit to your life?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:40

Ft no it's not dh would pick her up after work its literally a drop off and sign her in dd can even get herself ready etc

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:42

You really don’t get it.

Good luck with the rest of the years until your DD leaves home.

How you’re going to make sure she is treated exactly the same as every other child in the wider family/that she meets I don’t know but good luck with it. You’ll need it.

JacquesHammer · 21/10/2018 08:44

So in addition to what they’re already doing, you want them to do more?

To the detriment of your niece?

Fundays12 · 21/10/2018 08:46

Sorry you want her to do the class you find a way to take her. If you feel your niece is getting more favourable treatment your hubby needs to pick that up. If I read it right previously they helped a lot by pickin ph up your child from nursery. I wouldn’t have even asked my mum or MIL to take one of my kids to an activity once a week as it’s a lot to ask. If I was stuck once yes possibly but other than that no.

Notacluewhatthisis · 21/10/2018 08:47

So she wants to do a class that clashes with her and her parents schedules. And rather than wait a few months, you want other people to take more responsibility and change their schedule.

She won't notice. Sounds like the grandparents do a lot for all of you. It might never be exactly the same. That's impossible. She will notice if you act like a spoilt brat.

Your child needs to wait. If she is old enough to decide her own classes she is old enough to understand that sometimes you can't do everything right now. Sometimes you have to wait. It's a good lesson to learn.

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:48

Why would you want to make this a big deal and make sure she “notices” and not down play it all? Wouldn’t you want to teach your kids that people don’t all get exactly the same and that’s ok to make them more resilient?

Imagine my house. DD age 2. DS is learning to drive. I noticed. Stamp feet. I want to drive too. Yes DD that’s awful. I see you noticed. I know the government aren’t treating you the same as your big brother.

Ffs.

phantomofthenorthlaine · 21/10/2018 08:50

I think you are incredibly lucky to have ILS/ GPs who are willing and able to help at all tbh. What would you do about this dance class if they weren't around? It just sounds so petty and spoiled that you are insisting they give exactly the same amount of time to dn and dd. They don't HAVE to give any of you any time. Also - thinking ahead, are all the dance classes for all age groups held at the weekend or as dd moves through the grades will there be mid-week/ after school sessions? How will you manage those? Perhaps you need some paid childcare or to shift your hours around.