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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed

258 replies

Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 20:52

I know im probably abu

Dd(4)has asked to start an additional dance class in a different style, the sat class doesn't fit with the timings of her current dance class so theyve offered her a midweek class

Ils have said they wont take her as they have commitments with dn in the week with her clubs and its too much

I respect its their time and decision bit i can't help feeling a bit annoyed as it just feels so one sided because

Its not a long term commitment as in 2 terms dds current class time will change and the sat class will fit

We rarely ask for weekend childcare but dn is there every weekend

Its 14 miles round trip to dance dns school is a 60 mile round trip with clubs

Both pils drive so if theres occasional clashes it could still be done

It just feels so unfair that dd has to miss out

Aibu to feel miffed

OP posts:
Notacluewhatthisis · 21/10/2018 22:51

Where is DN mum in all this?.

I think she may have died. Which makes the ops bleating about things having to be fair, even more ridiculous.

tinytemper66 · 21/10/2018 22:55

Then this makes this post so awful if the child has no mother.

NoKnownAddress · 21/10/2018 23:05

Oh my, if I remember correctly, DN's Mum died by suicide about 18 months ago.

Thatstheendofmytether · 21/10/2018 23:14

Well the reality is you don't get to decide that the childcare should be divided up equally so you will just have to get over it. If a pp is correct and you dn mum has passed away then you are being incredibly selfish.

Thatstheendofmytether · 21/10/2018 23:26

Yup looks like dn mother died and her df works fulltime hence why grandparents have stepped in to help . YABVVU and selfish. Grow up!

FrancisCrawford · 21/10/2018 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Volant · 21/10/2018 23:50

If you were happy for your daughter to go to the after school club but for your ILs' offer, there would have been no question of her going to the dance class, would there?

If you're that bothered about her going, you could always pay a child minder for the day of the dance class on the footing that part of her duties will involve taking your daughter to the class and bringing her back.

BigChocFrenzy · 21/10/2018 23:57

If the mum really has died, that would take the most staggering CF of all time, to bitterly resent the GPs spending more time with a motherless child, than a child with both parents.

I hope it's someone else, not the OP, who posted about the suicide

Jlynhope · 22/10/2018 00:19

Is your bil a single parent?

Topseyt · 22/10/2018 02:54

Blimey, all this puts a totally different spin on it. OP, you need to grow up. Fast Talk ab lacking in empathy.

bubbles108 · 22/10/2018 03:06

Surely this has got to be a wind up thread????

Dillydallyingthrough · 22/10/2018 03:57

Normally I'm sympathetic to childcare issues as a single parent to DD.

But FFS! The GP's are more than generous with their time to your DD.

Maybe they find your DD hard work, maybe they think she's a brat, maybe they are struggling financially and don't want to run 2 cars(!), maybe they feel you are critical of the way they look after your DD, maybe they just don't want to!!!

All this crap about how they should treat their GC the same... no they don't have to, they can do whatever they like with their time (which sounds like a lot!).

And then the rubbish about your DD noticing, I will give you my experience... my DM rarely looks after my DD, she looks after my DN's weekly, when my DD mentioned it in passing (not upset) I just said DSis needed some help, THAT'S IT..She's still close to my DM and has never felt excluded or distressed (She's 14 now)

The answer is simple either get paid childcare to take your DD or say no to your DD.

Maybe be grateful for the childcare you get, this is coming from someone who paid for ALL childcare from 8 months to 12 years old, on one wage (financially crippling when I was on NMW when she younger).

MarthasGinYard · 22/10/2018 04:58

Why do posters think the SIL has passed away?

Notacluewhatthisis · 22/10/2018 05:03

Why do posters think the SIL has passed away?

OP posted a few years ago about how her life had changed in the last year. Sil had dies suddenly and she was giving so much support to bil and DN.

Thenewdoctor · 22/10/2018 05:58

SIL died - I think suicide - and op thinks her niece is spiteful. From AS. there’s loads about the niece and the BIL.

Op. You are being totally and completely unreasonable. Your PIL are helping out Their son.

Wise the fuck up, seriously. And away and gie yer heid a wobble.

That wee girl has no mummy. None. No one. If you want it equal with your PIL then you’d have to commit suicide. Seriously. How can you chat equal shite and it’s not fair in those circumstances.

You’re a disgrace.

TiffanyAtBreakfast · 22/10/2018 06:41

Bloody hell OP. Some people have no family help at all and you are bitching about one measly club drop off. Your DD already goes to a class, she's hardly going to be deprived if she waits til you can take her to the extra class.
Gps are doing plenty for you already and are clearly just at capacity at the moment. IT IS IRRELEVANT WHETHER THINGS ARE 'EQUAL' OR NOT. They aren't obliged to help out. Had to use caps as you don't seem to be understanding the other hundreds of posts saying the same thing Hmm

Just seen the posts about DN's mum and... just wow. You really are an entitled nightmare OP.

AJPTaylor · 22/10/2018 06:49

They probably are not doing all that fot dn "willingly". They got sucked in and cant get out.
Not following suit with a grandchild with 2 parents one of which works part time is sensible on their part.
I wonder if they looked ahead to their retirement and thought " lovely, we can spend hours driving small children around for their ungrateful parents."

Thenewdoctor · 22/10/2018 06:59

I dunno AJP. But I think the info that DN mother committed suicide totally changes things.

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 22/10/2018 07:02

Wow! Just wow! The sheer entitlement of the OP! You're a cheeky fucker and no mistake!

AJPTaylor · 22/10/2018 07:07

Missed the mother committing suicide.
That puts a whole other context on the thread...............
My working theory now is that op has rather over egged the pudding.

InstagramPork · 22/10/2018 07:19

Is it true that your DN’s mum is dead?
If so that makes you an even bigger bell end.
Literally every person has told you how unreasonable you’re being.

MarthasGinYard · 22/10/2018 07:19

Awful 

So this little girl who your pil are helping out with clubs has no mum?

And you're snapping away like a jealous little terrier because she gets a little more attention than your dc?

Compassionate aren't you

LikeIcare · 22/10/2018 07:41

Are you dead? No? Then don't expect your child to be treated the same as the child who lost their Mum.

FFS.

NoKnownAddress · 22/10/2018 07:46

InstagramPork - Is it true that your DN’s mum is dead?

I know it's not the done thing to link to history, but I'm horrified by OP, just horrified... so here's a screenshot to verify DN's Mum's situation.

To feel miffed
MarthasGinYard · 22/10/2018 08:09

Are you there Op

You seem to have disappeared??