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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel miffed

258 replies

Nicpem1982 · 20/10/2018 20:52

I know im probably abu

Dd(4)has asked to start an additional dance class in a different style, the sat class doesn't fit with the timings of her current dance class so theyve offered her a midweek class

Ils have said they wont take her as they have commitments with dn in the week with her clubs and its too much

I respect its their time and decision bit i can't help feeling a bit annoyed as it just feels so one sided because

Its not a long term commitment as in 2 terms dds current class time will change and the sat class will fit

We rarely ask for weekend childcare but dn is there every weekend

Its 14 miles round trip to dance dns school is a 60 mile round trip with clubs

Both pils drive so if theres occasional clashes it could still be done

It just feels so unfair that dd has to miss out

Aibu to feel miffed

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 07:53

How many days do they keep your DN after school so her parents can work?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 07:56

3 times a week 2 of those she is taken to clubs, her other gps do the other 2 days and do the other club

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 07:57

So your DN and your DD are both with the GP at the same time? And the commitment to DN after school care was there first because she’s older ?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/10/2018 07:57

Why don’t you ask your parents then?

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:00

And the GPs are old enough to be retired?

and you want them to do more?

Because they have 2 cars and care for your DN?

What does your partner/husband think of it?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/10/2018 08:00

Ils are doing 3 things a week. Your parents are doing three things a week. Why the onus on pil?

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/10/2018 08:01

But actually I think you have a cheek asking anymore of anyone!

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:01

Change your days at work? You work 3 days a week. See if you can swap a day to do it yourself?

But honest to god she is 4. Say no. It’s not a national training squad commitment it’s a 4 year old’s dance class. She can wait a few months.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:02

Ft theyre both there at the same time for one day a week for around half an hour as dh gets there before bil does.

Bil was nc for 3 1/2 years so there were no childcare arrangements for r dn prior to the last 18 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:04

Through- ive been nc woth my parents for 10 years they have never even met dd and certainly wont be taking her anywhere

OP posts:
ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/10/2018 08:04

I’m confused Grin, who are her other gps then?

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:07

Well, you know, you made a choice and a decision to go NC. And I’m sure it was for the best of reasons and I’m not AT ALL saying you shouldn’t have. But this is one of the consequences of that. You don’t have any other GPs to ask. Which isn’t your ILs fault.

Get your DH to sort it with them.

And stop minimising how much they do for you in comparison with your DN. because that will only eat away at you. Let it go.

Juells · 21/10/2018 08:08

They can have the seats its the fact that they babble on that they love to see her dance etc but wont drop her to a class once a week

They're being polite. I didn't want to watch my own 4-year-olds dancing or singing, never mind having to do that with GC.

Just because your DD wants to do a second class doesn't mean everyone has to hop to it and drive mile to drop her off and collect her and hang around for an hour while the class is on. Just tell your DD that she won't be doing the extra class.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:08

Ft- i work 4 days and can't change my days. My ils have retired young there not elderly at all (late 50s) my dh isnt very happy either.

Thought- no its not a national training squad but it won't take long for my dd to start to wonder why theyre taking dn but they wont take her

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:10

Thought- that was in reference to someone asking about dn not my dd sorry

And i had excellent reasons for going nc with my parents Smile

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:10

Your D.C. won’t notice if you don’t tell her. She’s 4.

And if you make a big deal of it you’re shit stirring.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 21/10/2018 08:11

Oh sorry, got a bit confused.

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:12

If you can’t change your days then it’s a shame but it’s a no.

Life is full of compromises and stuff you can’t do for various reasons. In the scheme of shit to get annoyed about, count your blessings. Seriously.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:12

Ft - we dont need to tell her she will notice. She noticed when ils turned up at her birthday with identical present for dn we didnt say anything we didnt have to

OP posts:
Juells · 21/10/2018 08:13

it won't take long for my dd to start to wonder why theyre taking dn but they wont take her

4-year-olds are oblivious to things like that unless someone tells them how unfair it all is... Do you want her to grow up to be constantly looking for things to be upset about?

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:13

Ok then. Make a whole drama out of it. Maximise the drama instead of minimising it.

That’s going t9 really help family relations isn’t it.

bubbles108 · 21/10/2018 08:13

no but it should be an equal commitment for both dgc

Why?

You're not in charge of the GP's life choices.

They DO help you and they DO see DD, already

But you want more of their time and they don't want to give more of their time to your DD

They probably have their reasons which are none of your business

Suck it up and smile

It is what it is

Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:15

Is your DN with GP the day your DD has her dance class?

Is your DD with GP the day DN does her activities?

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 21/10/2018 08:19

Ft yes they're there on the same day once a week dds dance class starts before dns ils aren't being asked to chaperone dd just to drop her off its about a 20 min drive each way theyd be back to take dn they just wont take her

OP posts:
Thenewdoctor · 21/10/2018 08:20

Then it’s actually dead simple. They have a prior commitment that day and you are being a Cheeky Fucker.