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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how they’re affording these insane weddings on retail salaries?

210 replies

IAmAllAsttonishnent · 20/10/2018 07:50

DP and I are planning our wedding (can’t elope as we’d planned- long story). We have an image of what we’d like but it seems impossible to get it at a reasonable price.

So far this year 6 girls I went to school with have gotten/ are getting married all of whom I know work V low paying jobs (retail, waitressing...etc) and their partners are also in low income jobs.
Their weddings are at crazy expensive venues (one which I ruled out due to cost and 2 are having theirs there). I know they don’t have family money either as we all come from V working class backgrounds.

So I’m just sat here wondering what I’m missing? How the hell are they affording this? I want to know their secret!

DP and I worked and studied V hard and now have a high income, which means we can afford a nice wedding - But coming from a working class background I’m V aware of money and value and don’t love the idea of blowing £20k on one day???😑

OP posts:
Doyoumind · 20/10/2018 07:52

Credit cards.

Heatherjayne1972 · 20/10/2018 07:55

Debt debt and more debt

Be glad your not starting married life heavily in debt to pay for one party

Rednaxela · 20/10/2018 07:57

Debt

Most people are in debt up to their eyeballs. Have a google of the average uk household debt. Excluding mortagages the average is something like 20k for every man woman and child Confused

Original poster
IAmAllAsttonishnent · 20/10/2018 07:57

🤔 I think I’m getting pulled into the wedding quicksand.

-Set a budget
-Realise everyone else around you is spending 2-3X your budget.
-Feel a bit inadequate
-Raise your budget

OP posts:
MsSquiz · 20/10/2018 07:58

Do you know their fiances' financial situations?
Or their parents could have been saving money for their daughters' wedding day for years (my mum did)
Or they could be using credit cards or loans.

People have different priorities when it comes to weddings - some people want to spend lots of money on a big day, some people are happy having a smaller, less expensive wedding. The end goal is the same, to be married.

Original poster
IAmAllAsttonishnent · 20/10/2018 07:59

@Red

No Way! 😵

If they’re funding 30K weddings on credit cards (who would even lend them that much on £7.50 and hour jobs) then their total CF’s

It raises a totally unrealistic bar for everyone

OP posts:
lornathewizzard · 20/10/2018 07:59

Without being too blunt OP, fuck what everyone else is spending on their weddings.

It can be done and done wonderfully without spending anywhere near 20k. Or 10k. Or 5k.

Original poster
IAmAllAsttonishnent · 20/10/2018 08:00

*they’re

OP posts:
SoftlyCatchyMonkey1 · 20/10/2018 08:00

My SIL and her DP spent 25k on their wedding. Took them many years to pay it off.

thenewaveragebear1983 · 20/10/2018 08:02

One of my friends is one of 4 sisters and her parents paid for all of their weddings over the years. She doesn’t even know how much it cost. She’s not spoiled, they are a lovely family btw. It’s just that her parents prioritised saving for their weddings.

Cookit · 20/10/2018 08:07

Don’t up your budget to match it OP. Be the sensible one.

FittonTower · 20/10/2018 08:07

How does someone else getting into debt for a wedding make them a CF? Why do you care what they're spending? No one is "raising a bar" - your wedding is about you, your partner and your loved ones. Just concentrate on that and have a lovely day.

sausagerollssss · 20/10/2018 08:07

Went to a relatives wedding last month. They had clearly spent a huge amount of money (I recently got married myself so had an idea of costs.) Found our from another relative after that they had borrowed the money off parents and will be paying it off for a long time.

Personally I couldn't imagine spending my wedding day knowing that I still had to pay for it all but it is so easy to get swept up into wedding madness!

peachypetite · 20/10/2018 08:08

Why do you care so much? You sound jealous.

ThePencil · 20/10/2018 08:09

OP, it doesn't raise the bar at all. It's not a competition. Decide what you're happy to spend, then have the wedding day you want within that budget. You'll be glad of it in the long run.

Mammylamb · 20/10/2018 08:12

Why are they CFs???? How dare those who don’t earn much want a lovely day??

Honestly, my brother isnt in a high paid job. But he had a really lovely wedding. My mum contributed, and he and his fiancé worked a shit load of overtime. Best wedding I’ve been to, no debt

Oysterbabe · 20/10/2018 08:13

Why do you care? How do you know how much money their parents have? Mine look pretty poor from the outside but have a lot squirreled away that they inherited.

CaraFara · 20/10/2018 08:13

Let's face it, there are only two choices. They've either borrowed the money or have it (gift or saved). We borrowed £15k to pay for our wedding. Many on here will think it was crazy but I'll be honest, 15 years later I have no regrets. We had the wedding and honeymoon we wanted and had a plan on how to pay it back and did so. We knew (hoped) we'd only do it once. Otoh, I went to my friends carefully budgeted wedding a few years later and it was just as lovely because as a guest it made no difference and to my friend the bride, it was what she wanted.

adaline · 20/10/2018 08:13

People can do whatever they want for their weddings - it's their day, after all.

We spent maybe £400 on the ceremony, including my dress, the venue and DH's suit. Then with wedding rings and our afternoon tea reception it probably came to about £900 if that.

My day was no less special than those who spend 25k on their wedding. But I personally don't see the point in starting married life either broke or in debt.

MynameisJune · 20/10/2018 08:14

What does it matter? You sound jealous that people who earn less than you are spending more on their weddings. How do you know they haven’t saved? Their parents haven’t been saving? Or parents in law?

Just do your day how you want and stop comparing.

Ninoo25 · 20/10/2018 08:20

I agree with previous posters, it’s probably a combination of debt and money their parents have saved.
Our wedding and honeymoon cost 23K. Having a good honeymoon was important to me, having a good wedding was important to my husband. Our families gave us around 6K towards it between them, but felt that this meant they could put pressure on us to do everything their way and I found it all hugely stressful. I would have been happy getting married in a registry office with just immediate family there. It took us around 3 years to pay off the 10K we needed to borrow.
I would stick to your guns, not worry about what other people are doing and not get into too much debt for 1 day X

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 20/10/2018 08:20

I get your point a bit but they aren't cfs and you're embarrassing yourself a bit as you sound jealous, careful you don't talk this in real life or people will know..

Surf4life · 20/10/2018 08:20

Do you really know their financial backgrounds?

I got married recently, my wedding cost close to 20k (thats including honeymoon), I am on an alright salary but DH earns fuck all and we had a young child so we don't look like we're rolling in it.

I paid for it though inheritance from my (childless) Aunty.

Fairylea · 20/10/2018 08:21

Are you sure they’re actually spending that much?

We had a really nice venue that’s often featured in magazines etc but we did it fairly cheaply. We paid the most for the venue (£5k) but everything else was on a shoestring - dress was £150 from house of Fraser (!), cake was £100 - we got someone to make a plain 3 tier and ordered more of the flowers from our bouquet and stuck these round it, everyone said how amazing it was (!), we didn’t have a car as stayed at the venue overnight beforehand etc etc. All kinds of cheap cost cutting stuff! We even had a photography student from the local university do our photos for cheap! And they came out brilliantly!

We still borrowed some money - it was important to us and we could afford to pay it back so we did.

Dh works full time in a very low paid job and I am a carer to disabled Ds. We loved our wedding day and I have the photos up all over the place. BlushGrin

OrdinarySnowflake · 20/10/2018 08:22

It's more likely parents are paying the bulk. Some will be on credit, some will be savings from the couple, bulk from family. You don't have to be from "money" to have parents who have saved for your wedding. If both sets hand over £10k, that doesn't leave much to be juggled between savings and borrowing that is affordable to pay off.

Remember in many families, weddings aren't seen as just being about the couple getting married, but a community/family event - the whole family gets together at these events and effectively it's the parents' "turn" to host after accepting other people's hospitality at their dcs weddings. (This holds true even if the couple think it should be all about them, this can cause tension if the money isn't there to do what the couple want and the families feel is duty to do).

Your families don't see it as their job to pay for yours and dps wedding. That's fine, but then if you are finding the money all by yourself it might seem impossible.

But no-one is a CF to just have different priorities to you.