To wonder how they’re affording these insane weddings on retail salaries?

[IAmAllAsttonishnent]

DP and I are planning our wedding (can’t elope as we’d planned- long story). We have an image of what we’d like but it seems impossible to get it at a reasonable price.

So far this year 6 girls I went to school with have gotten/ are getting married all of whom I know work V low paying jobs (retail, waitressing...etc) and their partners are also in low income jobs.
Their weddings are at crazy expensive venues (one which I ruled out due to cost and 2 are having theirs there). I know they don’t have family money either as we all come from V working class backgrounds.

So I’m just sat here wondering what I’m missing? How the hell are they affording this? I want to know their secret!

DP and I worked and studied V hard and now have a high income, which means we can afford a nice wedding - But coming from a working class background I’m V aware of money and value and don’t love the idea of blowing £20k on one day???😑

Sorry, but you sound a bit sneery with your comment about them earning £7.50 a hour OP.

I worked in retail when I got married, my husband was one of those you may consider on a 'low income' and we had what you consider one of these big weddings - and it really was amazing if I do say so myself!

Why? My Dad had cancer twice as I was growing up and he never thought he'd live to walk his daughter down the aisle, so he paid for quite a lot of it. DH family contributed as well.
We paid for some of it ourselves- saving hard over 2 years, and yes putting some smaller last minute items on credit cards, which we then saved hard to pay off.

Stop worrying about what they have done, how and why - unless you ask outright no-one will ever really know anyway.

I remember a colleague at work had a quite fancy wedding. His wife to be and her mother planned it all and he used credit to pay for it.

He was still paying it off for quite a few years after they got divorced!

I can't understand paying £40k for a wedding, unless that is disposable income for you.

If parents are saving up to pay for their child's wedding, what happens to that money if their child never gets married? Or one child gets married, so they get the money, but another child doesn't.

I don’t understand why people are cheeky fuckers for borrowing money for a wedding either

Everyone I know had parental contributions, you can’t decide their parents have little money because they’re “ working class”

FWIW we spent £25k 10 years ago so it’s not a new thing. I have one really tight friend who used to create all the time about how awful it was to sink £20k on a day but her wedding was cheap and crap. I wish she’d just loosened up. She was a CF because literally Everyone she knew had to do something for the wedding whether decorating, providing food or entertainment she came out of the whole thing really really badly

My cousin spent almost 20k on the wedding. They were divorced 3 years later and still paying it off now.

@toomuchtooold that is the most bizarre, presumptuous, uninformed and snobby post I’ve seen in a long time. What a nasty piece of work you are!

@Joyful

I’m 26 and never been the type to be pulled in by peer pressure or compare myself to others. I’ve gone my whole life storming my own little path but planning a wedding is an odd feeling.
😑 Also, ‘girls’ is just how I talk - I’m not making a political statement.

I wanted to elope all that mattered to me was being married but that’s not an option anymore due to parental disability and failing health.

I love the idea of ‘DIY’ weddings but not everyone has the type of family/friends who can be put on that way. So I want to plan a nice event that’s reflective of us, where I don’t have to ask family/ friends to do everything 🤔 and despite looking at many MANY options there’s just non that are good value and can provide what we need.

So then you’re faced with the choice of
A - average hotel for ‘very expensive’
Or
B - lovely venue for ‘Very very expensive.

And literally everything is an add on! Oh you want seats on the toilets do you? £250!

Many a working class parent spends a decade or two saving for their DC's wedding. You'd be surprised how much thrifty people can put aside.

We had friends who were both in reasonably well paid jobs. They took out a 25k loan to pay for their wedding. It took them 7 years to pay it all back.

No one remembers the day, it wasn't worth 25 grand.

We spent about half that, and didn't owe a penny to anyone on the day we married.

Many a working class parent HAS LOTS OF MONEY

We had a great day, a huge party and a buffet. It wasn't hugely expensive though. It really depends how much you want your wedding to be like your friends'.

Those aren't the only two options.

Meal in a restaurant for close family only and party at a sports club / pub / church hall for everyone else if you have to.

Late wedding and evening buffet food only.

OP do yourself a favour and learn to not care what anyone else is doing. Kenandbarbie is right with that list. The best thing you can do for your marriage is try and keep it debt free. Financial stress is one of the top reasons for break up.

20K on one day. Bloody hell. I would be whacking that off my mortgage instead.

You know that Frank Sinatra song 'I Did It My Way' ?
Do your wedding your way. Forget about what others do.

Honestly, I had a friend who won a wedding competition and had everything paid for - dancers, ice sculptures, favors, hog roast in evening, photo booth, magician etc etc. It was no better than any other wedding. No one will care in two years.

You don't 'need' anything for your wedding, that is your perception of what you 'need' in comparison to other's weddings.

How dare the poor have a wedding hey OP.
Should get married in rags in their back garden.

@KenandBarbie

Yes that’s totally an option and would be cheaper but it’s not ‘us’ at all!

😂 I appreciate all the ‘do it your way’ ‘don’t be influenced by others’ comments but the issue is...we want the historical venue, white linen, nice band type of wedding which does carry a price tag and we have a reasonably healthy budget to do it.

I more wondered if I was missing a trick, if I should negotiate harder or if there was some secret to keeping costs down that I hadn’t come across yet

Saving. A lot of Indian girls who live with parents are expected to save their ‘earned’ money and their spending is subsidized by parents. During the early days of my career, a pot of nearly £75k.

I got married and paid a donation for the church and rented a golf club for £250 with amazing, home cooked catering for a 3 course meal. Bar prices were about £2 a pint, we put £500 behind the bar and could put about 6 bottles of wine per table. I felt I could give more to my guests and it was amazing. Everyone said what a great day it was (but thry would say that!) We didn't want a big show, didn't want to be in debt. Our families offered to pay up to 20k but we turned it down. I don't know how true it is but our priest said statistically the more someone spends on a wedding the more likely it is to end in divorce! Don't quote me on that, just something that got stuck in my head and it made sense. We spent more on our honeymoon than on our wedding haha!

@caprisunorange what is so nasty about recognising my own privilege? I don't for a second think that having qualifications or money makes me a better person but it does put me higher up on the social pecking order, and it does confer an advantage of not ever feeling inferior to someone else because they had a bigger wedding or whatever. I grew up working class, I know that (some) working class people including my parents have a complete horror of appearing poor and yes, feel shame about it and it constrains their choices, because things that posher people would do to save money (safe in the knowledge that nobody is actually going to take them for poor) carry too much of a social stigma for them. You know, I could say that I buy my kids secondhand clothes and drive my car to the end because I don't care about what people think about me, and I don't feel like I do, but at the same time that's me giving myself more credit for being a free spirit than I actually am, because I know at the same time that my PhD and my big house insulate me from people ever thinking of me or treating me as though I was doing those things because I had no option.

And people can still study and work hard and end up in low pay jobs so please do not think your in any way superior because your really not.

You don't have to buy into the wedding industry prices.

We had a registry office wedding with 25 guests, including us. We booked the conservatory of a local restaurant and asked them to provide a smaller, set menu which only cost the price of the meals - not a huge cost for drinks and food.

In the evening we had a further 60 guests in a social club and a light buffet. The first drinks were free, but after that it was a cash bar (this is the norm in Scotland).

This was 18 years ago, but we never got involved with any 'wedding' planners, we just approached the places we wanted to use and worked out a fee. I don't the day cost more than £1000 and it was great.

Savings or debt 🤷🏻‍♀️

Tbh though I don’t think it’s always that awfully difficult to save on a ‘low’ salary (the ‘ ‘ because low is obviously a relative term!) If you’re a childless couple not living in London.

A close friend of mine just spent £15k on their wedding. Her and her dh work in the same place, salary about £18k each but they get a £3k annual bonus each too.

They just saved their bonuses for 3 years rather than spending them on holidays and gifts and such as they used to. 3 years and £15k wedding, plus enough for a luxury honeymoon and to the outsider, no ‘way’ for them to pay it on low salaries.

That's to the OP

🤔 everyone is entitled to a nice wedding but equally I’m entitled to look at all the social media posts and think ‘wow- how are they affording this?’

I don’t begrudge anyone anything I’m just curious and interested. I love blogs about different types of weddings and how much they cost...etc. It’s also a super taboo subject so when you have caterers/photographers/Bands quoting you figures you actually don’t know if those are reasonable or competitive and you don’t tend to know what the going rate is 🤔

High salaries don’t put you higher up the social pecking order at all maybe as you say, you struggle to understand social standings because you were brought up very poor.