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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder how they’re affording these insane weddings on retail salaries?

210 replies

IAmAllAsttonishnent · 20/10/2018 07:50

DP and I are planning our wedding (can’t elope as we’d planned- long story). We have an image of what we’d like but it seems impossible to get it at a reasonable price.

So far this year 6 girls I went to school with have gotten/ are getting married all of whom I know work V low paying jobs (retail, waitressing...etc) and their partners are also in low income jobs.
Their weddings are at crazy expensive venues (one which I ruled out due to cost and 2 are having theirs there). I know they don’t have family money either as we all come from V working class backgrounds.

So I’m just sat here wondering what I’m missing? How the hell are they affording this? I want to know their secret!

DP and I worked and studied V hard and now have a high income, which means we can afford a nice wedding - But coming from a working class background I’m V aware of money and value and don’t love the idea of blowing £20k on one day???😑

OP posts:
ForalltheSaints · 20/10/2018 10:29

Whatever their secret is (debt, saving, bank of mum and dad, other one), the OP does not have to follow their example. Indeed often the simplest weddings are those we remember most fondly.

Enko · 20/10/2018 10:29

OP the loveliest weddings are the shoestring budget ones as it forces the bridge and groom to get inventive and really consider what i it is they need to make it a special day for them.

No need for chair covers and special singing turtledoves. Just focus on what is really important for you and find your ideal wedding within your budget that way.

clicketyclick66 · 20/10/2018 10:30

I absolutely don't understand it! My dh and I are university educated and have always been on good salaries, but cut lots of costs on our wedding 23 years ago. After all, it's just one day and it's the time afterwards that matters! Even the honeymoon was a bargain from Budget Travel.
We didn't need to take out loans, even when buying our house I saved until I had a hefty deposit then bought a shack which required extensive renovations while we lived in one room. We then sold it and built a house on the proceeds.

Chickychoccyegg · 20/10/2018 10:34

when I got married dh and I were both on average wage, but we worked 'll the overtime we could get, started booking things straight away for 2 years in advance so we could pay things up, and both our sets if parents paid a lot, especially my parents who paid for the venue/catering/entertainment/music,they worked loads of extra hours to pay this but they wouldn't hear of not doing it, as they wanted me to have the wedding I wanted.
I have been to lots of friends weddings who have clearly been on a budget or prioritized certain things,and they were all lovely too, I've been at weddings much bigger and fancier than mine, and though they were lovely I can honestly say I wasn't jealous (I have friends that are extremely well off) I wasn't jealous, just focus on your own wedding

tabbycat1234 · 20/10/2018 10:37

Sorry to say this but with the comment about historical venue and white linen you are coming across as someone who wants a 4 star wedding at 3 star prices and you're grumbling that your friends have opted to pay for 4/5 star....

HellenaHandbasket · 20/10/2018 10:44

Why are they cheeky fuckers? Did they ask you to pay for it? 🤔

The80sweregreat · 20/10/2018 10:45

Probably credit cards or loans. Maybe they have just saved hard ; pooled their resources.

Also Some families are more wealthy than you think they are! Not everyone likes to share their wealth or have it stashed under the bed!

Tentomidnight · 20/10/2018 10:45

It does sound as though that particular venue have it all sewn up pricewise. Have ypu looked at other historical buildings in the area, maybe ones which do weddings as a sideline so you can hire in your own suppliers? Google unusual historic wedding venues. I think that smaller, more unusual venues make the wedding more unique and memorable, rather than the identikit white chair covers and silver cutlery and two glasses of wine allocated with the meal weddings.

Dvg · 20/10/2018 10:48

My friend got married this year, cost £3000 , Its not that hard to do if you actually use Wits to get cheap stuff and do most of it yourself. The most expensive part is the Venue.

Babyroobs · 20/10/2018 10:48

Loans I imagine? My work colleague is getting married and her and her partner have both taken out 10k loans each. However they are both in much higher paid jobs than retail .

Letsmove1t · 20/10/2018 10:50

OP you can have what you want but it will need to borrow and it will likely take you years to pay it off, that's the reality, there's no magic formula- your choice. I know someone who borrowed like this, 2 years later, divorced and 5 years later, still paying for the wedding.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 20/10/2018 10:56

I had an afternoon wedding ceremony followed by a tea dance which was much cheaper than a full meal. The whole event was very informal but felt classy. We finished quite early because there were young children and guests who had travelled a long way. I didn’t want a long drawn out day so it was just right for us. Would something similar suit you, op?

Original poster
IAmAllAsttonishnent · 20/10/2018 10:59

@tabby

No, I’d like a 4 wedding at 4 prices but what I keep finding are 4 weddings at 5 prices.

🤔 it’s comments like yours which shame brides for calling out bad value venues and allows the wedding industry to continue the way it is.

“Oh you just aren’t prepared to pay enough for what you want” - no venues shouldn’t double their prices the moment they hear wedding! Couples shouldn’t have to pay £10000 for a basic best western 😂🙈

Just because it’s a ‘wedding’ doesn’t mean we should have to bend over with a blank cheque!

OP posts:
Sophieelmer · 20/10/2018 11:06

@iamallastonishment if they have people paying that amount of money why would they charge less?

PaintingOwls · 20/10/2018 11:06

I know a couple of people who spent too much on their wedding and had the wedding blues after once they'd realised that they'd pissed so much money away on... Nothing much.

One blew her inheritance on the wedding and, yes, had a lovely day but now has no money. They other took on a large chunk of debt and is still paying it off and will be for many more years.

Stabbitha · 20/10/2018 11:10

I had a 20k wedding on a 10k a year household income.

I would have necessarily spent that much but it turned out my dad had been saving for my wedding since the day I was born.

He wanted to pay for it.

OhTheRoses · 20/10/2018 11:14

OP skip the wedding insustry and tap into the marriage industry. Most churches have a church hall. Most church halls can be decorated beautifully. Or a nice restaurant. Why the need to have an historic venue. TBH most "posh" weddings were for "posh" people a generation or two ago when a tent in the garden was good enough; and if there wasn't room for a tent a smaller do sufficed.

HurricaneFliss · 20/10/2018 11:18

OP - how much do you and your DP earn? It's an anonymous forum so you can tell us - or fib ☺

Dollymixture22 · 20/10/2018 11:22

I don’t see how they are cf for putting their wedding in a credit card. I wouldn’t do this - and while it may be financially reckless, it doesn’t make them cf????

wildewillow · 20/10/2018 11:30

But in reality you don't actually know anything about their financial circumstances. Many venues have off season/midweek packages where they charge 1000's less for hire. As do a lot of weddings suppliers. Maybe they are spending in some areas and not in others. Maybe they have had money gifted to them. Maybe they have been saving up for a number of years. Maybe they have cut down on other things in life to have the wedding they want!
I don't see what it's got to do with you at all really and it isn't for you to judge where/what someone else has chosen to spend their own money.

LeftRightCentre · 20/10/2018 11:31

We eloped.

formerbabe · 20/10/2018 11:32

What are their partners 'low income' jobs? Are they tradesmen or builders? Because they can earn an absolute fortune. Just because they don't wear a suit to work, don't assume they're not coining it in.

oooompa · 20/10/2018 11:34

It raises a totally unrealistic bar for everyone

 it's not a competition, OP

DioneTheDiabolist · 20/10/2018 11:38

I had an "expensive" wedding reception. We managed it by cutting out luxuries (meals out/take aways/pub nights) for 18months beforehand and cutting down on other costs. One guest was a driver with access to fancy cars, another did the photos, another filmed it (we edited ourselves), my usual florist did me 3 fancier than usual bouquets.

I was Shock at how much we managed to save. No way did I think that our wee treats were costing us so much.

Jeanclaudejackety · 20/10/2018 11:39

Formerbabe I know a guy who knocks dings out of cars. Shit job right? He earns an absolute fortune and has the nicest house and about 4 foreign holidays a year, his wedding you guessed It was INCREDIBLE, they hired a castle and it cost LOADS