To wonder how they’re affording these insane weddings on retail salaries?

[IAmAllAsttonishnent]

DP and I are planning our wedding (can’t elope as we’d planned- long story). We have an image of what we’d like but it seems impossible to get it at a reasonable price.

So far this year 6 girls I went to school with have gotten/ are getting married all of whom I know work V low paying jobs (retail, waitressing...etc) and their partners are also in low income jobs.
Their weddings are at crazy expensive venues (one which I ruled out due to cost and 2 are having theirs there). I know they don’t have family money either as we all come from V working class backgrounds.

So I’m just sat here wondering what I’m missing? How the hell are they affording this? I want to know their secret!

DP and I worked and studied V hard and now have a high income, which means we can afford a nice wedding - But coming from a working class background I’m V aware of money and value and don’t love the idea of blowing £20k on one day???😑

Hey Op!
Do you know what was important to me when we got married?Err no why should you! But I am going to tell you anyway!Bear in mind it was wedding season it seemed in our family..big dresses everywhere..churches everything ,everyone seemed to be getting married within 2 months of us getting married.Thing is for however lovely they were these other weddings,one at a castle,one on an island at a posh hotel etc Mine was the best! Mine was on a friday..in attendance was me,my husband and 2 random people off the street at the local register office.We got married at 11a.m said goodbye to random witnesses at 20 past 11 and that was it!!! The only thing that mattered to either of us was the fact we wanted each other..We didnt do finery,dresses,photographers,great Aunt Maud nothing..Just me and him saying and meaning our vows.It was perfect..me and him just me and him..I would highly recommend it to anyone.Save the money,save the hassle that goes with it,save the time.We did this for no reason other than we wanted our wedding to be about us..selfish maybe but it was always me and him,from the beginning and its still me and him even though the kids have come along neither of us has any regrets abut how we did it,showed my husband this thread and he agreed we would do it all again the same way! Those who spent the 40K on their weddings cannot in all honesty be any happier than we are..

Oh but the wedding, oh but the dress, oh but the food, oh but the rings and the flowers and the party....Oh the money, oh what will everyone think?? What about the marriage?

I have no idea how much our wedding cost altogether but I remember my DF saying that it came to less than he thought & that we could have had another hotel that we’d fancied rather than the one we chose. But it was a really lovely day & in the end it’s not about the wedding, it’s about the marriage & the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

sallycinnamon said it for me

I work in a very popular wedding venue for the area I live, and we run packages from £2000 to well, there's no limit really. A big summer wedding with a full service package, drinks, meals, buffet, equipment, entertainment, accommodation etc for a 150 people can cost (for me) eye watering amounts. However, all the weddings have one thing in common and that's until everyone's pissed anyway and that's that the day is usually wonderful, we do weddings well, and despite budget or weather or even a sad family tragedy just days before one, everyone has a good time and everyone is there for the bride and groom and even if it's not to their taste, they enjoy their hosts hospitality.
It's more important to some than others, some work too much or don't know where to start and so need a more comprehensive package, others do a lot themselves because they know exactly what they want and it also keeps the cost down.
For many it's the result of years of planning and I kind of get it going into debt for it (as long as it doesn't cause hardship paying it back)
I think you should go for what you want, if glitz and glamour are really important then have it, if simplicity then go for it.

I'm sure some research came out a few months ago that showed a correlation between how expensive a wedding was and how long the marriage lasted.

In general, the more expensive the wedding was, the less successful the marriage. Perhaps high levels of debt played a part.

Similar position, my dp's best friend is getting married 3 months after us next year. I'm studying and partner is a little over 20k a year. Have a 6 month old to add to it. They both are working low wage jobs so probably roughly 30/35k a year together. No kids. We come from wealthy parents (although that on my side is only after a working class childhood with my mum as a single mum of 3 and only are wealthy now she's remarried and all 3 of us are adults) and they have middle class family. Our budget is simple as we don't care about fancy extras or have the whole "wedding fantasy" - doing a bbq and marquee in parents big garden. Dress off asos £100. Dp already owns kilt as do groomsmen. Cake being made by family friend, invitations and save the dates designed by graphic designer friend, marquee discounted hugely off the scouts where family friend is a leader, alcohol bought for us by wealthy family member who works in wine and beer industry which takes huge pressure off us, mates rates by local butcher who is doing bbq, chef friend doing salads and sides using fresh veg and herbs from our garden, chairs and tables borrowed from local church hall as a favour (family member uses his van to help move stuff for them all the time), mum making huge pots of soup for starters, family member using his discount as a gardener to get flowers and lots of fairy lights from Primark as decorations. Lots of our family in the area have offered to put up our guests who are travelling from further a field. We've economised in every possible aspect and called in lots of favours meaning our budget will be about 2k (not including gifted things like alcohol, cake and musician friends performing) even though we could easily stretch to 5k. Even arranging a creche for the kids coming with non-drinking family members (all qualified paediatric nurses, midwives, childminders, doctors, etc) doing an hour shift each. Looking at budget minimoons for a city break weekend away in Berlin or similar as I burn in the sun and we both get bored on the beach after 2 hours. On the opposite hand our friends were adamant they wanted this really expensive venue 8k off the bat, 3k BARGAIN wedding dress, slushie machine, photo booth, 3 course meal, hiring special lighting guy, custom suits for all the groomsmen, no kids allowed, fancy dancefloor and expensive DJ, photographer and videographer. They've said they've got a fair bit in savings and the rest they're putting on credit cards meanwhile looking at honeymoons in the maldives. They're both taking every overtime shift under the sun to make ends meet and we just can't understand how it's worth all the effort. Maybe cause we have a kid we have to prioritize money a bit more in that we want to be able to take holidays with DD and buy nice things for her to enjoy too rather than spend all our savings on ourself. But then again we have been blessed with so many family friends being able to do things but I know for a fact they have cake bakers, tailors, etc in the family who have offered their assistance but turned them down because they want the "real mccoy". They've never striked us to care about designer brands etc so it is just bizarre that they are spending so much on wedding - even though they originally said they were hoping to do it "cheaply" for 8k. It's like they've been brainwashed by the wedding industry into thinking if they don't have lots of fun activities for guests, nobody will remember their wedding.

We pretty much "broke even" on our wedding because we kept everything as cheap at possible & specifically requested money instead of gifts, & then sold a lot of the decorations we'd bought for it on gumtree

We had a lovely full scale white wedding that came in signifcantly under average costs. The stationery, jewellry and decorations were all home made (benefit of a longer engagement!) The cake was baked and had basic plain icing done from a market stall and the finer decorations done at home. The florist also on the market. Relatively speaking the dress was sensibly priced. Hair was the local hairdressers, other beautifying was done at home.

We didn't have the local support to pull off a DIY type venue so went for a hotel. I suspect the reasonably priced package was partly due to its relatively remote venue, but it was in a setting that was beautiful and special to us. It wasn't a multi-wedding take your turn type venue which there are an abundance of on the fringes of town. Our county is a very healthy distance from home counties premiums too. We picked up on the grapevine that people thought we had spent significantly more than we did

I've known of a few couples whose marriages floundered before the wedding was ever paid off. Wedding debt won't help but there's usually other warning signs in the background too.

We could easily have spent more but wouldn't have got greater value for it or enjoyed it any more. Being in debt or feeling burdened towards parents for paying would have shadowed over our enjoyment.

Most weddings I've been to, I've loved be it budget DIY or premium. There have been a few that have felt a bit wedding package from a box with few distinguishing features that reflected the personality of the couple, but they've still been lovely days (and remain happily(?) married )

My parents offered to pay for a house desposit or pay for a wedding. I chose the former. But people can do what they like with their money.