To wonder how they’re affording these insane weddings on retail salaries?

[IAmAllAsttonishnent]

DP and I are planning our wedding (can’t elope as we’d planned- long story). We have an image of what we’d like but it seems impossible to get it at a reasonable price.

So far this year 6 girls I went to school with have gotten/ are getting married all of whom I know work V low paying jobs (retail, waitressing...etc) and their partners are also in low income jobs.
Their weddings are at crazy expensive venues (one which I ruled out due to cost and 2 are having theirs there). I know they don’t have family money either as we all come from V working class backgrounds.

So I’m just sat here wondering what I’m missing? How the hell are they affording this? I want to know their secret!

DP and I worked and studied V hard and now have a high income, which means we can afford a nice wedding - But coming from a working class background I’m V aware of money and value and don’t love the idea of blowing £20k on one day???😑

Comparison is odious, and this is why.
Just do what makes you happy, forget about everyone else

WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream We get it OP, you're a 'high earner'

You're quite a sad individual aren't you WakeUpFromYourDreamAndScream?

You are right, it's one day! Keep it simple and it will be stylish and affordable and you won't be paying it off for years. Credit card debt is very common now, people use it like it's their money!

😒 it’s very hard on MN - As soon as you mention you earn well (even when very relevant to question your asking/situation) you get a barrage of hate and abuse.

Would you prefer a painful drip feed? 🤔

I don’t think I’m better than anyone working in a shop 🙈- I worked in one all through uni that’s how I know how much they pay.

I don’t ‘hate poor people’ (as some of these comments try to suggest) purely for asking if I’m missing a trick. Also 🤔 I wouldn’t class low income as poor! I was low income for ages and wasn’t ‘poor’.

OP sometimes it’s better to do it differently than try to compete on a smaller budget. So maybe think a little outside the box? If you do the whole 10-12 hour job with 120 people you will be comparing to everyone who has had similar.

It raises a totally unrealistic bar for everyone

There’s your problem! The perception that there is a “bar” or some sort of competition. There isn’t.

When we announced our date an ‘acquaintance’ of ours rushed to get her wedding booked for a couple of weeks before hours. She told he4 Dad that everything had to be “better than BuggerOff’s”.

We did ours relatively cheap (early nineties, came in under £2k), it was a lovely day, church wedding, sit down reception, evening disco, rolls Royce, etc etc....... hers WAS more “flash” (horse and carriage, posh hotel reception a long drive from marriage venue, wedding dress, then a different dress for evening, then another for “going away”). Her parents will still paying off the huge loan for that wedding when she married her THIRD husband! (They’d refused to contribute to the second just three years after the first!)

Don’t a competition with other brides....see a marriage.....

BTW anyone who compares your wedding to theirs is a shallow fool. Mine was £6k(23 yrs ago),all saved prior to wedding so no debt and still happily married. I was in my 20s and if I had it now I would do it even simpler.

Unless you have access to their bank statements you have absolutely no idea how much money they’ve got or how they’re paying for things. None at all.

My parents saved their whole lives to give me and my sister money towards weddings. We didn’t ask or expect but they wanted us to have it. We both got the same - 10k. My sister had a small registry office do and off to the pub after, then had an amazing honeymoon. DH and I had a posh venue, a big dress, a perfect day, and a budget hotel in Spain drinking sangria for 2 weeks. This was 16 and 17 years ago.
I was super lucky to have money from my folks, but you fit to your budget. And who cares what others do - my mums god-daughter spent 60k on a wedding and was divorced before she’d paid it off...

OP massive cost savings you can make are, don’t hire a wedding venue, hire a normal event space like a restaurant. We did this and paid nothing for it, because we just said can we have the restaurant and we will fill it for lunch-so we just paid the food, not 2k just to be in there. Also, make the event shorter, so you don’t feed people twice, afternoon only or evening only. Lots of people like this anyway, some weddings feel so long.

To be fair what the op considers earning well compared to minimum wage retail jobs probably wouldnt be considered earning well by a lot of MN’ers so it sort of is irrelevant

toomuchtooold hadn’t thought of that. Actually I agree with you. You won’t win friends from saying it though

I agree with you OP!
There are a lot of people making a lot of money from the many people that pay over the top for these big weddings.
A lot of people do feel pressured to put on an expensive show and also get carried away with the spending. The people on here that don't understand that - good for them it must be great to not worry about that sort of thing - but some people really do.
I've been to so many weddings and there's always someone moaning about something.
As soon as you mention the word wedding the prices double! Pet hate is the meals! They are so not worth the money they charge.

No offence but get on with your own affairs and stop worrying about other people's.

Best of luck with your forthcoming wedding!

Spend what you can afford and are comfortable with and don’t worry about what other people do. The competition is in your head you don’t have to actually compete.
My DH cousin went £30k into debt to get her dream wedding. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having that amount of credit but she thought it was worth it.
People have different attitudes to money that’s all.

Ex wedding and events manager here. I've coordinated hundreds of weddings up sold on them yada yada yada.

Top tip....STAY WITHIN YOUR BUDGET!!!

Next tip. It's YOUR wedding day, nobody else's, not social medias, not your mum's, nans sister or their dogs. So do what YOU want.

I've coordinated £6000 and £26000 weddings, and other than the trimmings the scaffolding of the day is exactly the same. It's a celebration of love and marriage/partnership not showboating income.

Do what you want by all means, but never over extend yourself financially to do so. It's 24hours of your life that's all.

Different times of the year are sometimes cheaper at venues, and weekdays or Sundays can also be more affordable. Cutting down on the number of guests or what is served (food and alcohol) can make a huge difference. Some people don’t have many of the add ons offered or have very small bridal parties (or gets bridesmaids to pay their way). Then rather than getting invitation cards made, they might email or have a website for information to make things cheaper. Perhaps a friend is a caterer or hairdresser and offers their services as a gift etc. There are loads of cutbacks you can make whilst still splashing out on a dream venue.

I genuinely don't understand what some people think the purpose of a wedding is.

I more wondered if I was missing a trick, if I should negotiate harder or if there was some secret to keeping costs down that I hadn’t come across yet
Picking a weekday is probably the best way to get venue cost down. Otherwise it’s about researching your suppliers and haggling.
Are you friends with the other girls if so why not just ask them who their suppliers were and they would recommend them.

Op forget others - have fun working out what you can do - do your research & make it fun don't compare! think out of the box! some people have mentioned that having wedding midweek can be cheaper!

All my friends who had a big wedding have spent many years paying it off. Not worth it IMHO but they loved it and were prepared to make the financial sacrifice to get their special day just the way they want it. We've all got our priorities, can't judge either way.

I'm getting married in a few weeks and we've paid everything off this week with nothing owed to anyone but it's been really really hard to do. We have been very lucky that we have had some parental help for about 25% of the cost but there's a number of 'extras' we would have liked but decided not to have so not to spend outside our means

Ok, so, don't worry about the 'quality' of your wedding, more the quality and value of your marriage. Make your wedding happy, personal and true to who you both are. When all is said and done, everyone has gone home and you are left with all the bills, you will be just as married as the next person.

A fairy tale wedding does not a fairy tale marriage make. @toomuchtooold is correct, there are many people putting on an unaffordable show that they will be in debt to for a long time just to put on a show that they can afford it ... When they really can't.