To wonder how they’re affording these insane weddings on retail salaries?

[IAmAllAsttonishnent]

DP and I are planning our wedding (can’t elope as we’d planned- long story). We have an image of what we’d like but it seems impossible to get it at a reasonable price.

So far this year 6 girls I went to school with have gotten/ are getting married all of whom I know work V low paying jobs (retail, waitressing...etc) and their partners are also in low income jobs.
Their weddings are at crazy expensive venues (one which I ruled out due to cost and 2 are having theirs there). I know they don’t have family money either as we all come from V working class backgrounds.

So I’m just sat here wondering what I’m missing? How the hell are they affording this? I want to know their secret!

DP and I worked and studied V hard and now have a high income, which means we can afford a nice wedding - But coming from a working class background I’m V aware of money and value and don’t love the idea of blowing £20k on one day???😑

Our wedding cost just over 200 quid. Albeit, 20 years ago, but that was still not very much.

You can do a lovely wedding, even now, for the cost of the licence, cost of food - which you get from the supermarket and make yourself - and few bottles of bubbly. My 'hen night' was the evening before the wedding with us all preparing finger food. My mum made the cake '
(it wasn't a cake, but a v posh and delicious pudding), we bought the champagne, my mate hired glasses, dh mate fucked up the photos (but tried) etc.

Everyone can be involved in one way or another.

comparison is the thief of joy. truly.

@jux it costs more than 200 just to get married in the registry office.
My mum got married for £170 but that was 28 years ago, costs have rocketed since

The venue will charge people will pay -its a business. Also it will make up for their quiet periods.

its supply and demand like school hol prices

Obviously if everyone refused to pay the overinflated prices then they couldn't do that

But they make their money because enough people feel entitled to lavish weddings - is my friend/sister etc had one so why shouldn't I etc - and so people keep coughing up

Madness all round

Sorry that should have said the venue will charge what people will pay

I know someone who spent 24k on their wedding. It was nice, but nothing different to others. They divorced a year later. Dunno how they paid for it, I know her family were reasonably wealthy but so was the bride and groom. Didnt matter, 24k still ended in divorce.

Ignore them,. They'll be in debt for years and years, which they'll spend moaning about not being able to afford a house.

You really don't need to spend a lot of money. It's the marriage that's important - not the wedding. I hired my dress, we had a tiny reception at home which my mum catered. That was 41 years ago. We did hold a big party after 25 years. Much more worth celebrating.

Ignore them,. They'll be in debt for years and years, which they'll spend moaning about not being able to afford a house

How do you know they’ll be in debt for years and years?! Have you seen their bank statements?

Didnt matter, 24k still ended in divorce

Ours cost about £24k. No debt, paid for out of our savings and income. We’d been through a really traumatic time as a family (death of my brother in his early 20’s) and I wanted all my family and friends to have an amazing time. We had what we wanted. If one of my friends went away and slagged me off for what we spent then they’re not a real friend.
Still happy 10 years later

My friend got around this nicely about 7 years ago! She was getting married on her 30th birthday, as it was 6 years to the day that she met her husband. (A risky strategy but they're still going strong)! The venue she really liked was pricey and had an online brochure with all the prices outlined. Her husband to be suggested they ask the venue how much to host a birthday party (with the same amount of guests, hot buffet and DJ). When they enquired, it turned out that for just a birthday party instead of a wedding it was something like £2500 - £3000 cheaper!!! So they sneakily booked it as a birthday party (which technically it was!) and then we all rolled in from the registry office that evening in our wedding get up! It was a great night! 

So basically, it's partially the industry expectations - they always bump the prices up when they hear the word wedding. Be sneaky and don't fall for it!

You sound jealous

She sounds simply sane. How many of these flashy weddings are paid off before the separation?

ignoramusgiganticus

The thing is I don't even know if it is crazy to spend 20k on a wedding if you're skint. The point I was (clumsily) trying to make is that inasmuch as less well off people are using their spending to project wealth/not being poor, more well off people can't judge whether that's good value for money because the appearance of not being poor is something that they get for free. And I think it's hypocritical of those of us who have that status for free to pretend that the status is worth nothing to us. When I graduated from my PhD I got my title changed to Dr at the bank "because who knows, it might help with getting a mortgage" and so did most of my colleagues but let's be honest, it made bugger all difference to the mortgage, we did it because we wanted to be able to twat about getting called "Dr" but we also wanted the cachet of appearing not to care that much about it.

So you have a good income, and help from family and can afford the wedding you want? But your problem is that your lower earning friends are also planning nice weddings? Do you think that lowly min wage earners should have shitty weddings to reflect their lowly status?

I completely agree with @toomuchtooold and I think this "spend lots of money so that people know we can" is a very strong class indicator. I've said as much on threads about the amount of money people spend on Christmas gifts. Same with weddings - my university friends (some of whom have parents with lots of money) tended towards (beautiful) backyard marquees and the like, whereas my family, who all live on council estates and earn minimum wage, typically, went with the big country house hotels. It's very important to be seen to be "doing us proud".

I absolutely agree with you Toomuchtooold

DP and I are very comfortable. We've been together for 27 years. We're getting married in our church and having a private room in our favourite pub restaurant with a free bar for 30 or so of our best friends and family. Church ladies will do our flowers, DD will take most of our photos, we'll drive in our own nice cars and I'll buy my dress off the peg.

I honestly don't feel under any pressure to prove anything.

We have friends whose kids are having 25k weddings, planned 3 years in advance, when they are still students and renting a house. it baffles me.

How do you know their salary? My dsil earns a fortune as a merchandising manager for a retailer. Maybe they have investments?

They are all in debt because of one single day they have been conned into believing is the most important day of their lives.

But are you sure you know their circumstances?

People look at me and automatically think part time, v low wage. They have no idea what I've done previously, what I've invested in. What I do at home as self employment. They just make snap judgements.

But that being said, credit cards. Depends on what your priorities are I guess.

It raises a totally unrealistic bar for everyone

This is a very strange way of looking at things. You seem to think they're spending all this money on their weddings to get one over on you somehow.

If other people are daft enough to get themselves into debt for the sake of one day then let them crack on.

Everyone i know who did this is now divorced...except the Catholics..

I think it's because OP wanted to make sure you can tell she earns more than the retail workers, and because they've had expensive weddings you can't.

I think that some people on low incomes have moments in life when they just want to think ‘fuck it’ and have what they perceive as the best. Buying ridiculous expensive prams is another example.

Those with plenty of money are often those who will spend more cautiously and have the secondhand pram. They will also often make more long term decisions regarding expensive weddings etc.

Why do folk compare their wedding day, to others? Will you be comparing your marriage to theirs, too? Husbands dick sizes?

Everyone just needs to stop, and march to their own tune

It is a day, a single day.

it is all completely irrelevant to how the marriage is going to turn out.

“I think it's because OP wanted to make sure you can tell she earns more than the retail workers, and because they've had expensive weddings you can't. hmm”

Exactly this! It still hasn’t been adequately explained why adult women setting their own wedding budgets with their own money (or own credit) are ‘cfs’

I too think big weddings are a bit naff and insane but i think that regardless, i am an equal opportunity misery. I don’t think oh Melissa has a law degree so her posh venue and hired mismatched vintage crockery is cute and quirky and classy but Shanelle works in Primark so hers is naff and try hard.

I think it’s all naff and try hard. Being annoyed because poor people are treating themselves to what you see as markers of wealth and status as if they were equal humans with you is even naffer, hth

@IAmAllAsttonishnent

What is your budget?

We got married 6 years ago and spent around £5000. That included everything except a honeymoon.

I've just checked and our venue still do the same package but it's gone up slightly. We chose a nice venue but got married in the winter and on a Friday (the package states Sunday to Thurs but they let us do a Friday). It is half the cost doing it there then than a Saturday in Summer. The pics show the basic package and price and loads of venues do similar.

The easiest way to keep costs down is to invite less people, have a smaller bridal party, don't go for a hugely expensive photography package (the albums can add hundreds on), and don't spend a fortune on the dress.

I had a florist make my bouquets and buttonholes but did the table floral arrangements myself. We made our own playlist so no band or DJ. If you did want a band or DJ I was quoted £500 - £1000.

The worst weddings imo are when the couple have been desperate to have a venue they can't really afford and so the wedding is on a Monday to Thursday meaning up to 2 days needed off work for guests. Then not providing any drinks and minimal food for guests. Also really bad timings like a 10am wedding at an out of the way venue, the meal at 1 then a night do at 7 with nowhere to go and nothing to do in between.