To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

I feel exactly the same when I see that sort of thing. I’m a teacher and when I take school trips I get so infuriated at mealtimes when I actually have to ask kids to put devices away at the table! It’s SO rude but so anti-social!

I feel exactly the same. We eat at the table together every night and there is just no need for screens, devices or tv.

Children, even toddlers, should know how to behave at the table. I'm 29 before anyone says it's generational..

They could have had the shittest day ever. I would never judge because I have been there before

Yes let's go back to the 50s when there was nothing like this, children had to be silent, and you had to dress up to eat out

I did winder if in my mid 40s I'm just past it. It's just so sad to see small children of under 2 being ignored by adults and watching peppa pig.

I think you’re being narrow minded. We have just returned from a 2 week holiday with small children. At home we eat out around 4 times a week so they’re certainly used to it. However, 14 days, 3 meals a day in restaurants, you just can’t have the battle each and every time. There is only so much colouring and sitting quietly that can be done. It’s just too much for children that age

@busybarbara

That's entirely the problem. Giving them a screen so they stay quiet, don't talk to the adults and don't get involved in the meal.

They should be chatting and learning table manners and how to be social. If you can see anything wrong with kids constantly staring at a screen then it's pointless even talking to you though.

Maybe the parents just wanted a 20 minute break from having to actively amuse and entertain whilst they’re on holiday?
It’s not like all children are stuck to tablets all the time.

Did you read what I wrote in the OP Barbara?

Nobody in the restaurant was "dressed up" and nobody expected children to be seen and not heard. 50% of tables the the restaurant had kids. It was not a posh, formal eating situation by any stretch of the imagination.

@Caprisunorange
They managed just fine before smartphones.

children had to be silent, and you had to dress up to eat out

the OP is clearly saying it wasn’t that kind of atmosphere at all.

YANBU, OP. I completely agree and find it so - I’m not sure the word, depressing, maybe - when I see this happening.

All of 3 of mine have autism. The only way they will possibly stay sat at a table, particularly in a busy buffet style restaurant is with the aid of things like a tablet. Even this doesn’t always work. I’d rather the tablet than them running around the place.

I never judge this. You have absolutely no idea if they've spent their entire day/week/year doing nothing but engage with each other.

The smallest child wasn't old enough for walking. Wouldn't have been running about the place. But still was propped in front of phone.

There's all these studies highlighting how many children are starting school with poor social skills and vocabulary. There's probably a connection.

The thing is though. People (none more than children) are attached to technology now. My nephew has had his iPad since he was 2. I seethed inside. To me 2 is far too young. However, maternal aunt or not its none of my.business.
When i was little I took my dolly every where with me. The world has changed now.

Judge away. DD gets more lax rules on holiday. She'd never use a tablet at home at the table but if she asks on holiday? Meh. We engage all day, if she wants to watch at dinner no problem. She generally doesn't but I wouldn't care if she did.

Although it's more fun to judge people and assume you know better.

It just sounds like you can't cope with the modern world and would rather go back in time

I do not judge as I don't know whether a child has SEN or not and you cannot judge a child's life based on a few glances in a cafe/restaurant

Maybe they had a long tiring day and they just wanted to get the children fed and then back to their room for bed without fuss?

Not every meal has to be everyone fully engaged.

If you go back to the 50s then most toddlers would not be going out for dinner.

I used to feel the same way. We went on holiday in May and my two year old had no tablet at the table and she managed very well. Come September when we were on holiday again I gave her a tablet when she started to struggle with sitting otherwise we would have not been able to eat never mind talk to each other.

On holiday children have to deal with everything being different, different bed, different routine, different food, absolutely everything in their little world is topsy turvey. And on top of that I would also like to be able to sit with an evening meal and enjoy it. The rest of the holiday was spend swimming, playing the park, reading books etc and she has very limited screen time at home. Holidays are about over indulging and doing things out of the ordinary.

Blanket ban on screens at table in our house, we just talk to each other. When the boys were younger, we were teaching them conversation, now we are enjoying their skills at conversation.

Only excuse is if it is relevant to the topic of conversation, e.g. they want to show a photo of something.

Went out recently for meal with partner and couple at table next to us spent the entire meal on their phones, rarely talking to each other, just the odd word. I thought it was a bit sad.

@busybarbara Children in your family in the 50s may have had to stay silent at mealtimes, but it certainly wasn't the experience of my family.

If the modern world is everyone staring at a screen whilst ignoring one another in real life and not even bothering to engage with your children at dinner, then sure... I'd like to go back in time.

At least there was peace and no child was disturbing the peace.

It's a holiday!

You're better than me.

Mind your own business