To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

They could have had the shittest day ever. I would never judge because I have been there before

This. I judge people who get their knickers in a knot about how other families eat their dinner far more than I judge screen time.

YABU

My son has autism. I always felt guilty about him using screens until our OT explained that screens deliver a way where he can cope with his sensory environment better. As for how they coped without screens they probably didn’t and either didn’t go out or they melted down. The latter would lead to unwarranted judgement of random people as well.

Mine don’t get the screen while we are eating though

You could buy a gameboy in the early 1990s. gameboys and ipads are completely different things.

Look, I know you are not going to change your mind and that's fine, I am content that we are ok and doing the best we can.

And you can be content in your self satisfied haze with your judgemental boys congratulating yourself on how well bought up they are as they look down on families like mine.

The children I saw were not older children with special needs. The youngest was a baby - 9 months at the very most. The next youngest was around 18 months. They were not distressed, noisy or upset. They were just plonked in front of the screens as soon as they sat down.

And there was no waiting around either - it was a buffet where the food is there and you get it immediately. It's not a case If entertaining the kids while you wait for food to arrive. It was screens out, peppa pig on, here's your meal, keep watching.

I had two kids one of who was nearly diagnosed with ADHD.

So, he’s not got ADHD then. So your experience is similar to those of us who have non NT kids how?...

I judge. We went on a similar AI holiday at the start of the summer and was amazed at the use of iPads/ phones constantly to amuse children in the (family friendly) restaurant

We had a 4.5 year old and a 9 week old and never had the need to ‘entertain’ the older one at the table. Yes, he did have some downtime in the apartment with cartoons on the iPad but meals we chatted as we would at home (including going for lunch / dinner out of the house)

It’s not as if the meals were 7 course : 3 hour affairs. I think it’s quite sad to be honest

Ultimately no probably every kid you see with an iPad hasn’t got SEN. But unless you know them you have no way of knowing who does and who doesn’t. So why judge?

I didn't say I knew what life is like for every family. I objected when posters say "you don't know what life is like". I know what my life is like.

The point the OP was making was not about one frazzled family. It was a family in a relaxed restaurant where ALL the children had screens and the adults didn't speak to the children at all.

The OP says - as most posters have - they can understand screens when they are essential.

The issue is family's where every child is looking at a screen, all the time, and no one talks to the children at all. Any one who has been in a 'family' restaurant has seen this.

It isn't a one off, or the result of a busy day. If the OP goes down to eat tomorrow night what are the odds the family will be down there doing the same thing?

So what if they are? What difference does it make?
The inability to mind one's business seems to be an epidemic 'round these parts.

I had two kids one of who was nearly diagnosed with ADHD. I know what's it's like but we didn't use screens. It was hard work but it paid off

Really, really hard not to read this as, 'my kid avoided an ADHD diagnosis thanks to our diligent parenting'...

2 kids under 18 months? Fuck I'd use whatever distractions I could too.

Every thought OP that maybe, if this kind of thing upsets your evening, you should worry about something else?

Honestly who actually gives a shit?
How does this affect you in any way?

Hoenstly this place is getting worse by the day, people acting all morally superior and say oh but i did it this way and now little tarquin plays the guitar, trombone and piano, and is fluent in Arabic, spanish and french and all because i refused to let him watch a screen when we were eating a meal out

It doesn't put me up or down. We eat out quite a bit with our 3 dc (14, 13 and 10) The two eldest (girls) are happy to join in conversstion. Ds gets fidgety and starts asking for a phone while we arresting for food. I usually try to keep him off it, but he gets to the point where he is fidgeting and playing with the tableware, so sometimes either DH or I will give him a phone to play with. Sometimes our conversation doesn't interest him.

I don't judge anyone else, because I'm busy paying attention to my own children! Don't even notice anyone else!

Bit sad that you spent your time with your family....watching someone else's fsmily!

You could buy a gameboy in the early 1990s.

Moussemoose if your child was nearly diagnosed with adhd you don’t know what it’s like at all as they weren’t actually diagnosed with anything. An actual asd diagnosis is completely different. Completely agree with pp that your message reads as if because you didn’t allow screens that’s why diagnosis was avoided which again proves you have no idea what it’s actually like.

This is horrible. It sounds very cold to me. This would be a concern to me.

Just to throw it in there, we do bring a tablet sometimes when we eat out with my dd at times who has SN. It doesn’t always work but occasionally allows us to maybe enjoy something remotely normal, if we are lucky

"I had two kids one of who was nearly diagnosed with ADHD. I know what's it's like but we didn't use screens. It was hard work but it paid off"

So you have 2 NT kids. No you won't know what it is like to have one that isn't.

yanbu,
sounds like lazy parenting.
worried for the future.

I have 2dc, one with ASD and one without.

My dd who doesn't have ASD is quite attatched to her ipad, she's nearly 8.
I do not believe it limits social skills and language and in my experience have found that her language and knowledge is way beyond her years.
She learns a hell of a lot from the internet.

Ds who has ASD is nearly 16 and his screen of choice is his phone. I would prefer they don't use them whilst eating out etc but I don't ban them per se.

It's easy to judge other families without knowing the full story. My ds doesn't need his phone as a coping mechanism at all so I wouldn't use that as an excuse but other dc do.

Makes me wonder how many people sit and watch others so much

I had two kids one of who was nearly diagnosed with ADHD. I know what's it's like but we didn't use screens. It was hard work but it paid off

Really, really hard not to read this as, 'my kid avoided an ADHD diagnosis thanks to our diligent parenting'...

Yes it does doesn't it. If only we had been more diligent and better parents ds's gene mutation might have sorted itself out, but we just couldn't be arsed.

People could do with just enjoying eating out with their family rather than assuming their superiority over others.

Mine are teens now and fully engage at the table but when younger, especially on holidays I would give in to tablets/phones sometimes when they were fractious. I can tell you now they are perfectly fine functioning social teenagers.

Makes me wonder how many people sit and watch others so much

this.

Game boys aren’t the same at all. Game boys were never used by toddlers. iPads are like carrying a mini TV around with you, it’s entertaining for any age.

Yep i saw this at a holiday resort too. Kids just seemingly glued to i-pads all day long, pool side, beach side, breakfast, lunch, dinner. They were like little mini zombies.