To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

@iaimtomisbehave1

Who cares though? We managed just fine without online banking, 24 hour supermarkets, Sunday opening, mobile tyre repair, online GP appointments, Instagram etc etc etc etc. Life changes, and gets easier. Hurrah!

Yabu.

We spent many a horrible, stressed out dinner in restaurants with our children when they were at the toddler stage. Despite eating out regularly with us from a young age on holiday mealtimes out were a nightmare and often ended with us barely touching our dinner.

We bought them a tablet each and it was bliss. We were even able to have dessert and a second drink at times. Judge away.

I would judge holiday or no holiday. I have a 3 & 5 year old and another on the way.
I think there's a time and a place for screens. They are fab to take on holiday for keeping the kids quiet on a flight or when there are delays, but not the dinner table.
I've never let mine have screens at the dinner table and it's never been a battle.
Simple consequences work fine.
It's funny how kids can sit and eat a meal at school without being shoved infront of props pig.
Eye spy, asking them about their day, making plans, colouring in, imagining things, Chinese whispers, teaching them boundaries and social skills, what is appropriate and what isn't, to learn to wait for a meal to come. Its life skills. People give in too quickly. Obviously some can't manage without but op isn't talking about a minority or for a specific reason. It just sounds like lazy parenting or bad standards.

I would never judge because I have been there before

Same here. You're seeing a small part of their day, you have no idea what they've been doing before dinner or what they have planned for after, and you have no idea what issues may be going on in the background.

All of 3 of mine have autism. The only way they will possibly stay sat at a table, particularly in a busy buffet style restaurant is with the aid of things like a tablet. Even this doesn’t always work. I’d rather the tablet than them running around the place.

DS has ASD and uses his tablet as a way to shut out sensory input - headphones on, video playing, head down, and phase out the world for a little while. It works very well in situations he finds stressful and I couldn't give a monkeys what anyone thinks.

Peppa pig *

@Caprisunorange

But this changes don't negatively impact a child's development. Too much screen time does; unless your saying the mountains of research on that is all nonsense?

And a whole load of kids unable to behave without a screen... That's a problem.

I wouldn't be judgy of the screens but I would be judgy of the total lack of interaction as described in your OP.

Buffets take 2 mins to sort food, so not like they had screens on while they had a long wait for food to arrive.

if I wanted to stick around for another leisurely drink and chat after foods and they were playing up I might put it on then for a bit though.

*those
*you're

You have no idea whether children have too much screen time from seeing them on an iPad on holiday briefly. Don’t be ridic!

If they can't behave for a meal without getting their hands on a screen then they're a kid who is used to having it all the time.

On my recent holiday, as a group of around 18, including grandparents down to 3 year olds we were sat in a pub/bar with live music. 4 youngest kids sat for 3 hours sticking, colouring, writing, drawing etc. We were very pleased with the peace and quiet. An older lady approached us later the night and was very impressed/pleased that they weren't stuck to screens! My dc do have screens but it is a last resort after every other activity has been exhausted!

2 years ago I would have agreed with you.
Today though, after having travelled across the Atlantic and beyond with just the 1 preschooler I say that unless they were dancing on the tables naked I would not have cared.

@Mummyshark2018 a one off experience is nothing like 42 restaurant meals in row, is it?

We have a no screens whilst eating rule, which I made specifically so that I can use screens whilst we’re out to take the waiting pressure off but can do all the pleasantries whilst we’re eating. Best of both worlds.

I’d be reluctant to judge others though. You don’t know how badly they need that child free time and what they’re willing to do to get it! (Some evenings I’d quite gladly lock myself in the cupboard under the stairs whilst they watch Hey Duggee on repeat....)

However, those pubs where they have screens at the table..... ick!!

I don't think it's fair to judge people based on a snapshot of their lives.
A lot of threads on here lately of people in the public judging strangers minding their own business.

To be fair, I don't see how screens are that different from colouring in terms of interaction at the table. My DD (now an adult) use colour in restaurants and not talk to us much at the table because she was too focused.

Meh, they're on holiday. They might have had a totally exhausting day trying to keep multiple young kids happy and just want to sit in peace to eat dinner for a few minutes. I've allowed DD (5) her tablet at the table twice on our current holiday after 8 hours at the parks in Disneyland. It helps her to decompress

If 3 sen kids whom you wouldn't know had sen. Believe me u would much rather an iPad than meltdown without - we couldn't eat out otherwise

4 youngest kids sat for 3 hours sticking, colouring, writing, drawing etc. We were very pleased with the peace and quiet

And that is so morally superior to them being involved in reading, playing puzzle games, writing, or even, shock horror, watching something more interesting to them than live pub music, on a tablet... why, exactly?

@Surf4life

But she was working on her development. Do you see a difference in a child engaging their brain to complete a task whilst also improving their pencil control and a child staring at a show?

4 youngest kids sat for 3 hours sticking, colouring, writing, drawing etc. We were very pleased with the peace and quiet
My one would not sit for 3 hours unless I glued him to the chair.
And I see nothing wrong with that.

3 hours 😫try 3 minutes

Our kids are older, but we used to let them read while waiting for meals at restaurants when they were maybe 6 or 7. Exactly the same lack of oh-so-stimulating family interaction. Exactly the same much-wanted peace and quiet for the parents. Essentially, it shut them up, just like the tablets do. But we'd get congratulated by strangers on our phenomenal parenting skills....

@Iaimtomisbehave1 but do we know all that?
We use tablets a lot in my job to help SEN students learn and they work very well.
I work in education 🙂

To the pp who said "Even toddlers should know how to behave at the table".

Im sorry but I think you do I dare say 'get real'. A toddler is not going to have impeccable table manners.
Its just not real life

3 things

-They are on holiday
-They kids are in a new environment with a different routine and they are probably hungry and tired
-The adults are hungry and tired to

There is literally nothing to judge them on