To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

Glancing at another table is not stalking

This. The OP makes a fair point.

For many, many families it is not a one off and it's not because of SEN. It's just the norm.

OP, this may not be a popular point of view, but I feel the same as you.

I have 3 DSes (9, 7 & 4), one of whom has autism (the 7-year old) & we have plenty of screentime (tablets, TV, Xbox for 9-year old) at other times, but I will not allow screens at the table. We find it a great time for learning about each other's day, telling jokes, listening to the radio & generally interacting. The one exception is that I/DH may take a couple of photos with our phones if we are out eating.

We have always enjoyed eating out & the DC enjoy it too. If they get irritable while waiting for food/drinks to arrive we play Eye Spy or perhaps fill in one of the children's activity packs together.

All that said, I do appreciate that others may have had a very heavy day & need to just get through a meal & a screen may be the easiest way to do this, and am thankful that has not been us yet.

What did we do before tablets and iPhones??

Yes I think it's crap. Mine aren't allowed them if we are eating out and never have been. Now teens and love eating out and chatting. They do check their phones the second we leave however!

It was so hard when ours were little.
We couldn't take them out as had to wait for parenting screens to be invented.
It's so much easier now, parents can avoid talking and socialising their children almost 100%, what with both parents working and screen baby sitters.

*@RomanyRoots

t was so hard when ours were little.
We couldn't take them out as had to wait for parenting screens to be invented.
It's so much easier now, parents can avoid talking and socialising their children almost 100%, what with both parents working and screen baby sitters.*

Ahh donuts your generation to blame for the way the current generation of parents parent today..... you brought this lot up didn't you?

Yours had to. E one of the snuggest, most judgy post I've seen!

You could probably be talking about my holiday, 4 adults and 3 kids aged 7-13.Buffet type meal. All our kids were on tablets/phones throughout meal times. They were happy, adults were happy. My dc is asd so it definitely helped him. But even if he wasnt I just cant think of a reason why I would stop him. So I could talk to him? I've just spent the whole day playing and talking with him in the waterpark. Mealtimes were kinda of like down time for me. And even with plenty of kids on tablets etc, they are still able to chat and make noise, going by the racket of the restaurant at meal times.

I agree OP.
How is society going to work if people don't learn to talk to each other?

Mine aren't allowed them at the table. And also not in the car. We are pretty lax at other times though. I expect half term.will involve a lot of screen time. It's really hard. I am.glad tablets and phones for kids didn't get going till mine were a bit older. I do find toddlers with devices a bit depressing, but no doubt we would have done it too. The telly was certainly on a fair bit...(but not during meal times ever!!)

Took our 18 month old on a 10 day holiday. He’s usually a proper foodie but decided the all inclusive wasn’t for him and refused to eat. The only proper food he ate every day was the evening meal because we distracted him with an iPad. It saved me from having a stressful time worrying about his intake and it stopped him from being hangry and throwing cutlery at the other guests. Screens at the dinner table saved that holiday! It’s extremely rare that we use it at home but the routine goes to pot on holiday so why not just make life a little easier for everyone?

I'd be frustrated if they were on a screen through the whole meal only because I enjoy chatting with the DC when we're eating. But if say DD wanted to take a pic of her food for her Snapchat friends, or DS received a funny update and wanted to show us I don't see the problem.

When Jane Hawking was first invited to dinner with Stephen Hawking's family she was taken aback that they were all sitting there around the table individually reading their books with hardly any chat going on. That's not very different and I don't think it hindered his learning abilities...

I don't like it but some times I just want my child to shut up for 5 minutes so I can eat either hot food or without getting indigestion.

When we go on holiday we try and only eat out at lunch time as children tend to be less tired and crotchety at lunch but sometimes evening meals happen (usually at the behest of extended family who have forgotten what small children are like) and in those cases, yes, they are given the tablet to keep them subdued.

Why would you distract your toddler with it so they eat

They are either hungry or not.

I used to spend a lot of time away on business staying in the usual 'TravelInn' type places. Often there would be families with children in for a meal and the children would be running around waving their light sabres and other toys around bumping into other diners tables and generally being a nuisance. Having tablets/phones would have been great if it kept them quiet.

What is strange is when they're sitting nearby (sometimes in the same room) and text each other rather than speak to each other.

Must be a dreadful experience if they find themselves with no wifi or mobile coverage.

Of course, the other change is that it used to be very unusual for children to eat out. As a child, we ate out once a year (Berni Inn). Which solves a lot of problems. Perhaps we should accept that children and restaurants don't mix well and wait until they can behave themselves before we eat out.

Because after a long day of playing, swimming and general holiday fun he was exhausted and still hadn’t eaten since the previous tea time. He was too far gone to sit quietly and have a chat with us so we put the iPad on and he would calm down. If he wasn’t hungry he wouldn’t have asked for more after clearing his plate

Like everything else, being able to eat out calmly and nicely takes training. I do require my son’s to remain seated until everyone has finished, and ask to leave the table. There is never any running around with light sabres etc. But that’s not how it started. It started by my always having a coffee in the local park cafe, and reinforcing the rules. Just like dog training. Everyone has s bad day occasionally and the phone comes out, or a child with specific needs. But on the whole, I stick to my guns on this. Parenting is often hard work. You get out what you put in. Not a popular view, I know.

2 of my children have autism so they often have tablets in restaurants as they find it very difficult to cope with, completely used to being judged by people though

I'd try not to judge. You’re just seeing a snapshot of these people’s lives, you have no idea whether this is normal or a one-off for them.

We never let our DC have tablets at the tables in restaurants.

DS1 (7) has high functioning ASD, and while he loves playing on his tablet and will be as still and quiet as a mouse while using it, he has massive, massive problems with transitioning from tablet time to anything else.
If we let him have a tablet while waiting for food in restaurants, we them have a situation where we have to choose between a noisy meltdown when we try to get it off him so he’ll eat, or letting him play on the tablet instead of eating. Whih tends to lead to another meltdown later because he’s hungry after playing on his tablet instead of eating. He generally won’t eat and play on the tablet at the same time.

It’s a short term way of keeping him quiet that almost always causes us more trouble than it’s worth.
He’s not allowed any tablet time before school or planned trips out for the same reason.

Giving DS1 things like colouring / activity / puzzle books helps with him, because he’s usually able to focus on those enough to cope with the restaurant environment, but they’re also not so captivating that he’s incapable of putting them down when it’s time to do something else (like eat).

And of course all that means DS2 and DS3 can’t have tablets at the table either, despite both of them being generally happy to give up tablets when told to. There’d be hell to pay if DS1 saw his little brothers playing on tablets when he wasn’t allowed his.

Hate this.

Sometimes you see entire families glued to their phones in a restaurant.

Absolutely zero excuse when the kids are teenagers.

It might explain why the majority of young children have dreadful table manners.

And don’t get me started on those who seem to think it’s acceptable to let little Flossie have the volume up on whatever device she’s glued to. ,,

Seems to me OP that you're just judging & then posting on here for the sake of it.

Fine it's not what you would do & probably lots of others but, they are choosing to do it & it's their choice. Christ, if you can't let your hair down & have a break on holiday when can you.

My suggestion, get on with your own holiday & leave them to theirs. Nothing worse than a silent assassin on another table looking down their nose at others. Not a nice example to give your children is it...

In my experience, the people who judge you for using tablets are the same people who judge you when your DC is being overly chatty, throwing a tantrum, crying, or fussing and will spout lines such as "why didn't they bring something with them to entertain/distract the child!?"

Basically, judgemental types will always find something to judge which is why they're the worst sort of people to be around.

OP how are you even finding time to post this? Shouldn't you be spending time with whoever you are on holiday with, playing a board game or just chatting. If you are holiday alone, why aren't you in the bar chatting to people?

Look I restrict screens as well, but the hysteria is ridiculous. The main reason I restrict screens at dinner normally is because it's our time to catch up after spending the day apart. On holidays its the opposite though. Dinner is your down time after spending the whole day together.

Oh and I never had a screen as a child. And I'm still shit at conversation!

Agree Thursday. As I pointed out upthread the OP is using a screen to judge others for using a screen

It is not the use of a screen. The OP has not said that.

It is using the screen at a table while eating.

Can't you read or are you deliberately misunderstanding?