To be judgy about screens at the table?

[PiperPublickOccurrences]

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

We never use a screen at a table at home. However in a restaurant if all else has failed then I’ve given 23 month old DS a screen to prevent world war three and everyone in the restaurant getting a migraine.

@rainbowtrain

I've never seen a kid at a table with their tablet doing work. Puzzles or quizzes or code or anything. They're his watching tv. And that is very different to doing something beneficial.

@Awwlookatmybabyspider "get real" 😁😁😁😁

My toddler threw a carrot today and hit the wall then my face. It was the most fun we have had in weeks, and was therefore heartily congratulated in the form of loud clapping

@Iaimtomisbehave1 but we are just speculating. We have no idea what their day or week or month will be like. Just a tiny snapshot

Yabu, it was a snapshot.

DS won't sit still to eat out either with or without a screen, we've been taking him with us since he was a tiny baby so it's not like he's not used to it, just too busy being busy. We don't eat out much anymore

We eat out quite a lot. We have 2 boys, 4 and 7. They don’t have screens when we eat out and certainly not at home. Buuuut on holiday we relax that and often let them because to be frank it’s nice to have some peace and a chance to relax a bit ourselves. It’s no reflection on what happens in our everyday life. They do have to put them away when the food comes though.

My 3 have never had tablets / phones at dinner. We chat, we play cards, its about spending time as a family.

Yes it's different for SN children but what I've seen is that screens are not there for "emergency" or "toddler tantrum time", its just part of the routine. On a shared holiday with my sister, she sat down in a restaurant and plunked a screen in front of her toddler straightaway, before she'd even opened the menu. She was spoon feeding whilst the child just watched the video the whole time. It wasn't because she'd had a bad day or been engaged with the children for the whole day, it was just standard to do that at meal times in public.

I would have judged before I had children, but now they can see that a bit of screen time in a restaurant is sometimes the only way my toddler will actually sit at the table and eat there. We don’t have screens at the table at home but for the occasional restaurant meal I don’t see a problem. As a pp said for all you know the parents had been actively engaging with the children all day and everyone needed some down time.

I agree OP. The art of conversation is dying before our eyes. Chatting with my children is one of the best things about being a parent.
Is the family you mention doing this every mealtime? I guess for a one off it’s OK. Do the adults talk to each other?

Glad you've got little saints, Iamto

However don't be too smug, love.
You really do not know what the future holds.

This irritates me.
I rarely eat out. If I choose too with my kids then they have iPads. If I'm on holiday and we're out, they have iPads.
We eat our breakfast and dinner at HOME without iPads and we chat.

I spend all day on holiday playing with the kids in the pool and just want some relaxing time to eat my food. And same if I'm out. I want to chat to my OH after entertaining my kids and talking and playing with them all day. Plus they are loud AF when we're out and annoy other diners so iPad works wonders.

So what if I don't chat during dinner a few times a year. Give the families a break. You aren't seeing their whole lives in the space of an hour.

Judgey threads like this surface every 5 minutes.

You know nothing about this family's life so judge ye not.

I wouod judge too and have no issue people judging because I’m being judgemental either.

As far as I can see from peole around me, people who say I’m only lax during the hols, I do give them lots of attention etc... actually still aren’t giving said children as much attention iron as they think they do.

Apparently about 50% of 18~35yo wake up at least once in the night to check their phone
These are people who didn’t grow up with a phone in their hand.
I’m really wondering (and I’m worried too) what these children who are taught to just rely 100% of their screens and are shut up by a screen, how those children will handle being adults.
I dintnthink it will be good.
Otherwise, why in earth the creators of Facebook, and Apple etc... dont allow unrestricted access to technology to their own children???

I think you're judgey and small minded. Mind your own business and parent your own children.

To be honest I always take my daughters tablet. Restaurants can be boring and I always take her rather than leaving her at home with a babysitter. We chat lots - she is a great conversationalist but sometimes it's nice to have a meal out without a constant round of eye spy.

Unless they've got a condition, then there is no reason they can't eat a meal without acting like an animal

Why on earth would you ever think this was an acceptable thing to type?

@TwistedStitch I am still 😐😑😑😑😑 with that comment

Yabu

We have no screens at dinner and eat at the table. We chat about our day and teach table manners.

On holiday the rule book goes out the window, they have more treats,stay up later, no chores and if i meet friends for dinner i might prioritise the rare adult catch up while the kids watch screens over keeping the chat at a level that includes preschoolers.

Unless they've got a condition, then there is no reason they can't eat a meal without acting like an animal

What a rotten thing to say.

Lots of children "have a condition" but are undiagnosed as they are too young for assessment, don't meet thresholds/criteria for diagnosis, are on the pathway to diagnosis, are children who have SWAN, and so on.

If you don't like tablets at the table, don't give your kids one. You make your choices but judging other people for theirs doesn't make you a better parent than they are, it just makes you a bit of a dick.

I find it more strange when adults are on screen at the table. I went out for dinner with a friend last night (just to a pub, not a formal place) and there were two men on the table behind us who were on their phones the whole meal.
Adults in their forties or later and the only words they said the whole time was to the waitress to order their food.

@EmUntitled maybe they were "mumsnetting"

YABU. I spend every day of my life trying to eat dinner with my 2 year old, and it’s far from a relaxing & enjoyable experience. When I’m on holiday I want to enjoy my meal and not listen to him whinging or feel like I’m inconveniencing other diners. So out comes the tablet and I absolutely do not give one single fuck. It is the only time he uses it, so that’s an hour per evening for a couple of weeks a year. Whatevs.