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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be judgy about screens at the table?

358 replies

PiperPublickOccurrences · 18/10/2018 20:03

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

OP posts:
RedTriangle · 18/10/2018 21:23

I spend all day talking to my children, listening to their stories, bringing them places, making them dinners, helping with homework etc etc. If I pop into a coffee shop its time for me! I put on a cartoon on my phone for the 2 year old and my older children gather round to watch it too. They are happy and I get a bit of peace.

My eldest is 10 and perfectly well adjusted and capable despite many years of screen time in cafes and restaurants.

Mummyshark2018 · 18/10/2018 21:37

Caprisunorange- no but the point was that it is such a rarity these days that random people actually comment when there is no screen in sight!

Mummyshark2018 · 18/10/2018 21:40

Multivac- because they were actually interacting with each other , creating things together ..... not sitting engrossed in their own devices! There is a time and a place for iPads etc but often we make assumptions that our children won't behave when actually given the right things to play with etc they will! It's a fear of disturbing other people

AllHallowsQueen · 18/10/2018 21:45

It's a fear of disturbing other people

Also known as being considerate of others.

To be honest I’d judge someone much more harshly if they brought a bunch of kids to a restaurant and let them disturb my dinner because they don’t agree with screens at the table.

hazeyjane · 18/10/2018 21:47

Unless they've got a condition, then there is no reason they can't eat a meal without acting like an animal.

Jeeeezus. Really?!!

If there had been screens 50 years ago people would have used them. People have not changed, stuff has.

Lethaldrizzle · 18/10/2018 21:50

I think it's a bit sad but I guess it's the future and as long they're all wearing headphones!

CarolDanvers · 18/10/2018 21:50

I always wish so much people could just mind their own business when I read these moaning about other people's screens threads. My kids are autistic and our screens go where we go. These threads make it clear that we must be being judged and I am very self conscious and aware of it now when I never used to be, I just used to enjoy the peace. No longer. Great.

NorthernRunner · 18/10/2018 21:52

I always thought my dd got too much screen time really. And when it comes to travelling, she will be watching something without fail, but I’m adamant there are no devices at the dinner table. I don’t know why I feel so strongly about this but I do.
That being said I would never judge...each to their own!

hazeyjane · 18/10/2018 22:00

These threads make it clear that we must be being judged and I am very self conscious and aware of it now when I never used to be, I just used to enjoy the peace. No longer. Great.

STOP!!! Ignore these threads - ignore people judging, ignore people feeling 'sad' at the poor family whose child is watching a screen at the table, ignore the 'we never did it in our day-ers', ignore the tutters, eye rollers and look down their nosers….they HAVE. NOT. GOT. A . CLUE and they do not matter. If the screen enables your family to have some semblance of 'normal' family life, then fuck them.

hennaoj · 18/10/2018 22:01

CarolDanvers, stuff em. It's their problem not yours, parents like us have enough to deal with.

EwItsAHooman · 18/10/2018 22:04

CarolDanvers, anyone who has a problem with it can fuck right off. We've got to do whatever we can to get through situations that other families wouldn't even think twice about, do what works for you and your DC Flowers

TheFifthKey · 18/10/2018 22:05

No screens at home when we’re eating dinner, but fuck me, those McDonald’s with iPads at the tables and touchscreen ordering so you don’t even have to queue? AMAZING. Sometimes, when you’re on your own with two kids, you want to feed them without anyone having to talk to anyone. Because there are a lot of meals in a week, or even a weekend, and they don’t all have to be bonding experiences.

Allegorical · 18/10/2018 22:05

I don’t get why colouring in is acceptable to some people but tablets aren’t. Neither involve engaging with each other.
It’s the same with adults. Me and dh pre kids and pre iPhones used to regularly go to pubs/cafes and read the paper or take a book and sit in companiable silence. This still seems more acceptable to people than the iPhone. But often I am reading a book or the news on my phone.

My kids get the tablets once they get fidgety and other activities such as colouring in, playing with their toys don’t hold their attention. With my ds that is a lot sooner than my dd. He has ants in his pants and only the hypnotic glare of an iPad can keep him still. So sue me. We do try and put them away when the food arrives unless it causes and epic two year old tantrum. Course then it is a choice between causing a scene and getting tuts or using the iPad and getting tuts. Can’t win.

Sleepyblueocean · 18/10/2018 22:08

"Unless they've got a condition, then there is no reason they can't eat a meal without acting like an animal."

I do hope you are not passing on your delightful views to your children. That is going to cause far more damage than ipad use.

Moussemoose · 18/10/2018 22:11

How come those of us who didn't (and still don't) let anyone in the family use screens at the table "have no idea"?

When we go out for a meal and see kids on screens the most disapproving people at our table are my teenage sons. They are massively judgemental.

I had two kids one of who was nearly diagnosed with ADHD. I know what's it's like but we didn't use screens. It was hard work but it paid off.

TheFifthKey · 18/10/2018 22:11

People used to disapprove of young women reading novels. They promoted loose morals, you see, and would certainly lead to a lack of standards and uncouth behaviour. They’d have tutted their heads off to see young women - children, even - reading frivolous books, not even improving or educational ones, and in public? At the table? The very thought!

IHeartKingThistle · 18/10/2018 22:14

Yeah, that's the same as sticking an iPad in front of a toddler and not talking to them 

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 18/10/2018 22:18

You sound like my mum. We went on a lovely all-inclusive holiday together, the two of us, and she spent the entire week eyeballing what other people were doing and passing commment. It drove me mad. ‘I really think those two women should have dressed up for dinner... ooh isn’t it a shame when children don’t say please?... that man over there just went up for seconds before his wife had finished, I don’t agree with that... oh that family are putting suncream on their little boy, that’s good... is that man getting another beer?’ and on and on and on 😂

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 18/10/2018 22:18

People don't just talk to their dc at meal times you know. There's many other hours in the day for that too. It's just another thing to be snooty about imo.

stressedtiredbuthappy · 18/10/2018 22:22

No screens in my house at mealtimes I feel that's very important. But when I'm in a restaurant and there's other diners to consider? I have a toddler who goes from nought to crazy in nano seconds and yes peppa Pig does keep her quiet for an hour.

hazeyjane · 18/10/2018 22:25

I dont understand, Moussemouse, there wouldn't have been any screens about when your children were young?

My dd's can happily sit through a meal, chatting and eating quite happily. Ds not so much. I do know what we would have done prescreens, and that would have been, not go out for meals as a family. I like going out as a family, my dds and dh like going out as a family, we like doing this without ds trying to crawl under the table, not eat, wail and try to leave every 2 second, so I am happy for ds to have a screen.

Maybe you do have an idea, but not about my life.

the most disapproving people at our table are my teenage sons. They are massively judgemental - maybe you need to work on this, it isn't a nice trait.

Poodletip · 18/10/2018 22:30

YABU

  1. You can't extrapolate what happens at one meal to what happens at all times in a family.
  2. You have no idea what kind of day/week/life that family has had.
  3. Not all children are the same. Even disregarding hidden disabilities some children find it much harder to sit still and be quiet than others do.
  4. Sometimes parents are entitled to enjoy a peaceful meal and not everybody can rely on babysitters to enable that to happen.
  5. Other activities that distract children from engaging with the other people at the table are not all that much better.
  6. Screens can be social too. My children often connect DSes to play games together or gather around an iPad to share something on there.

I have been known to occasionally let my (ASD) children use screens when eating out because there can be a lot of waiting or because we are out with adult friends who would like to be able to talk to us and not just witness us dealing with children and ignoring them. They absolutely are not allowed screens at the table at home unless they are for some reason eating on their own (see point 1).

A little bit of screen time to keep children calm in a restaurant is not child abuse. You would have to be living in a major bubble of privilege to think that's the worst thing that could happen to a child.

LadyGAgain · 18/10/2018 22:40

This ^^

Moussemoose · 18/10/2018 22:57

Screens have been around for longer than 20 years!

You could buy a gameboy in the early 1990s.

And again posters saying people whose children don't use screens 'have no idea about life'.

Well I have an idea about my life, of bringing up 2 boys, one of whom was very active and into things. I remember it was hard to parent young children but I also remember going to some effort to try to have some set rules about eating.

Everyone keeps saying they let it happen occasionally - I bet if the OP goes down to eat tonight the same family will be doing the same thing.

startingafresh1 · 18/10/2018 22:58

My instinct when I see this is to feel that it is a shame that the kids concerned aren't interacting with anything other than a screen. I try to fight against making this judgement though as TBF no one knows the set up of someone else's family.....

Every one is different- maybe the families doing this take other chances to interact with their children, just not at that particular meal.

I have never allowed DC to have electronics at the table. They do ask, but my answer is that they need to demonstrate to me that they can hold a conversation, deal with a bit of boredom, enjoy their food without entertainment. We kind of have a deal- if they can behave at the table without electronics then I take this as an indication that they are not overusing them and so they are allowed them at other times. If they can't be pleasant at the table then they may well not be given their electronics back for that evening. Works for us- but doesn't miraculously mean that my DC have no issues with electronics unfortunately!

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