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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be judgy about screens at the table?

358 replies

PiperPublickOccurrences · 18/10/2018 20:03

We're currently on holiday. Large family friendly resort, mix of families, couples, older people. Big, buffet style restaurant. Very relaxed vibe.

At dinner there was a large extended family at the next table, 5 adults and 4 preschool children. Every child had a phone or a tablet propped in front of them. None of the adults spoke to the children - including the baby who was at a push 8 months old. Children had plates of food put in front of them without a word and didn't take their eyes off the screen.

Aibu to find this all a bit depressing? I can just about understand using screens when it's absolutely essential that kids are quiet. But the restaurant is very informal with lots of kids around.

OP posts:
Lethaldrizzle · 19/10/2018 07:07

My kids love a screen but we don't take them on holiday cos it's a holiday.

Amanduh · 19/10/2018 07:10

I never judge this. If they had four kids tantrumming and screaming the restaurant down and running around the place people would judge and be on here writing about it. They might have SEN, autism, ASD, they might have had a shit day, they might have just had enough. 30 mins of screen time to keep the peace isn’t going to kill them. It doesn’t mean they ‘have to rely on screens to get through and meal’ and it isn’t ‘worrying.’ It’s a snapshot of one day. Get over yourself

Amanduh · 19/10/2018 07:11

Oh and you have no idea if they have special needs, anyway.

LittleBookofCalm · 19/10/2018 07:13

Most of us would agree that it is Wrong for a parent to pick up a child from school, glued to their mobile,
to be shopping and paying glued to their mobile
yet there are arguments about having a family meal when the dc are glued to their mobiles.
otoh those who think it is ok presumably are the ones that behave like this themselves.

EmmaJR1 · 19/10/2018 07:14

People like the op are exactly why I no longer enjoy taking my children out to eat.

My son is 17 mths old, he had an ear infection a few months ago where he wouldn't eat so in order to get food in to him we let him watch Hey fricking Duggee and he ate. However now if he's tired/teething/having a bad day he will only eat watching hey duggee!

It's worse when we are out because of all the distractions.

I figure it's something I will tackle when he's old enough to have a conversation about it or to interact in different ways.

However when we go out I don't want him creating Merry hell and getting upset and ruining the atmosphere for us and everybody else so I let him watch it on my phone and I JUST KNOW people are judging me like you judged that family on holiday.

It pisses me off to be frank!

Fontofnoknowledge · 19/10/2018 07:14

I am absolutely do judge. And am with you PiperPublickOccurrences . It's shit, lazy parenting.
NT/SN children is irrelevant. I have bought up a Ds with Autismn (special school) with co morbid ADHD.
and 6 siblings.

Would 'screens' have been easier. Of course they would. Would he (and his NT siblings ) have ever learned decent table manners, how to moderate behaviour, how to interact with others .. and most importantly, how to behave yourself when sitting still, and speaking quietly is not something you want to do. ? No chance. It's pure parental 'opt out'. Leaving the children (especially SN children) completely without the skills to cope when screens aren't available .

Of course they have their place. The dinner table , wether you are at home, on holiday , had an amazing day or a shit one, is all irrelevant. You are parents and need to get on with it and stop negating your place to a piece of technology 'because it's easier'

When dinner is over they can go and stare at their phones (as can you) for as long as you, as a parent, see fit.

Then when they are in their teens and twenties you can all go out and enjoy dinner with actual conversation with people who know how to do it. A really important life skill.

LittleBookofCalm · 19/10/2018 07:16

well try harder, those that Insist that their toddlers simply cannot have a meal without watching screens, work harder at being a parent

EwItsAHooman · 19/10/2018 07:18

You know what? If iPads had been around in the 80s/early 90s you can guarantee the majority of parents would have used them exactly as described in the OP and they wouldn't have given it a second thought neither would anyone else in that restaurant, or if they did they'd have kept it to themselves because there was no internet for them to post about it along with lots of smugness about screens = inferior parenting and no screens = superior parenting.

To everyone saying they'd judge, I'm sure if people looked at your family in a restaurant they'd find things to judge you on. I presume that's acceptable to you too? And also acceptable if they were to start a online post in which you could recognise yourself based on scenario, ages of children, etc?

As for the poster who thinks it's "cold" and would be a "concern".... FFS. Ring Social Services and tell them you're concerned about a family because they gave their child an iPad at dinner. Go on. Lord knows they're so snowed under with actual concerns that they could use the laugh.

EwItsAHooman · 19/10/2018 07:20

well try harder, those that Insist that their toddlers simply cannot have a meal without watching screens, work harder at being a parent

It's shit, lazy parenting.

Hold up, everyone. The parenting experts are here.

LadyRochfordsSpikedGusset · 19/10/2018 07:21

Taking notes here EwIts .

LittleBookofCalm · 19/10/2018 07:22

yup,
it is just passive, be more active

LittleBookofCalm · 19/10/2018 07:24

I take it that is normal for your family Ewits?

hazeyjane · 19/10/2018 07:26

it is just passive, be more active

To be fair I do watch my iPad when I'm on the treadmill.

MyBrexitGoesOnHoliday · 19/10/2018 07:27

Seen the huge number of children, toddlers (and teenagers) that are stuck in front of a screen in a restaurant, there must a hell of a lot of children with SN around going out for a meal.
And tantruming toddlers. And children who are unwell etc...

In reality, just because if the numbers p, I suspect a VERY LOW number of those have SN, and every lower are families where all children, incl an 8months old have SN. Hey are more likely to be part of the large number of families where parents think there is nothing wrong with screens. That’s it’s just a tool and it keeps them quiet so where’s the problem because, they, the parents, need a break.

And then you wonder why young adults have lost the ability to talk (research shows that they will not answer the home or have a phone conversation because they find it too hard to be able to come with the hard answer in the spot...) why we can see so many young adults meetin a cafe but all glued in their screen and not talking to each other. Why people are getting more and more isolated. Etc etc

The bigger picture and the long term effect of screens is lost to the immediate ‘it’s making my life so much easier’.

I think it’s a real shame. Those toddlers who are out in front of a creek at the table, in the supermarket trolley etc.... are missing opportunity to learn life skills. And yes it’s hard work for the parents (having had two dcs, very close in age and one on the spectrum I know that quite well). And yes sometimes you dream for the easy way out. Except it’s only easier for those 45 mins atvthe table. Nit in the long run imo.

Caprisunorange · 19/10/2018 07:29

Would 'screens' have been easier. Of course they would. Would he (and his NT siblings ) have ever learned decent table manners, how to moderate behaviour, how to interact with others .. and most importantly, how to behave yourself when sitting still, and speaking quietly is not something you want to do. ? No chance. It's pure parental 'opt out'. Leaving the children (especially SN children) completely without the skills to cope when screens aren't available

This is where people like the above sound a bit.... thick really. Surely you can’t think that occasional screen use means children don’t learn manners, or conversation/ interaction?

EwItsAHooman · 19/10/2018 07:29

I take it that is normal for your family Ewits?

No actually, my DC aren't allowed screens at the table when we're at home however on holiday we're more relaxed and they can have them if they want them so sometimes they do and sometimes they don't depending on their choice. As I said in my earlier post however my son has ASD and uses his iPad with noise cancelled headphones to block out the world and stave off sensory overload in stressful situations such as restaurants.

I just don't like people who judge others for innocuous parenting decisions that have no impact on anyone except the parents and children involved. The comments say far more about the people doing the judging than they do about the family being judged and I know exactly which family I'd rather sit with.

LittleBookofCalm · 19/10/2018 07:31

so Ewits, you would be sitting at the family with the screens, who arent talking. Grin

CarolDanvers · 19/10/2018 07:32

@Fontofnoknowledge

How old are your kids? How many holidays and meals out your family of nine have? I feel like that with that many, iPads, phones and screens for all were probably not practical - expense, weight to carry them etc, were they even available in their current form then? I think there's probably more reasons you didn't use them than your superior parenting. Your user name suits you well btw.

EwItsAHooman · 19/10/2018 07:34

so Ewits, you would be sitting at the family with the screens, who arent talking.

At least they wouldn't be making snide comments about the other diners. There's nothing more wearing than negativity.

Blankety30 · 19/10/2018 07:35

I'm guilty of this with my 16 month old if we're out 🙈.

We tend to not eat out for 'lengthy' meals as he gets bored quickly at his age. But if it's a special occasion, say a birthday he eventually becomes irritable. There's only so many silly faces etc you can pull to keep him entertained.

Once he's eaten we've been known to give in and put Peppa on so he doesn't become loud and disturb other diners...

LadyRochfordsSpikedGusset · 19/10/2018 07:36

Hmm yes, looking at screens or fixating on other diners...

Lethaldrizzle · 19/10/2018 07:42

There's nothing more wearing than the sound of Peppa pig when trying to eat

Blankety30 · 19/10/2018 07:43

It's hardly on blaring for a full restaurant to here. It's minimal volume. He's more excited about the colours than anything

hazeyjane · 19/10/2018 07:45

so Ewits, you would be sitting at the family with the screens, who arent talking

It's the talking that tips ds over!

hazeyjane · 19/10/2018 07:46

....and me on occasion.

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