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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

274 replies

poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:26

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

OP posts:
ElainaElephant · 22/09/2018 13:27

Both. She shouldn't have spoken in that way, she should have said it in a nicer way, but children shouldn't be shouty in a library.

Thehop · 22/09/2018 13:29

Both. She was rude and your kids shouldn’t be shouting

Shenanagins · 22/09/2018 13:29

Squealing and shouting children inside are annoying so you should have stopped that but she was also a bit rude in how she said it.

MadMum101 · 22/09/2018 13:29

Do you really need to ask?

You should have told the stupid cow to piss off.

Libraries want to encourage young children these days to foster a love of books early on. That's why they have children's sections. It's to be expected that young DC make noise in public.

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 13:30

You. Don’t take kids to a library if they can’t be quiet.

High pierced squeals and shrieks hurt my ears so I’d cover my ears and react angrily.

The 3 year old is old enough to learn she/he can’t shriek without consequences.

NoNoCharlieRascal · 22/09/2018 13:30

I tend to think as parents we forget how much noise small children make as it is every day noise for us.

It also depends on the library set up. Here we have a whole floor for the children's library so they can be loud and run amok. If it's a section in a library I think you have to be more on top of the noise level, so not to disturb other people.

Trampire · 22/09/2018 13:30

I agree, both.

Great the kids were in the library and complete silence is not realistic but squealing and shouting is too much.

However, she could have phrased it better and not covered her ears.

Bardwell · 22/09/2018 13:30

How much noise were they making? Children should absolutely be be in libraries -- it's the one thing that was completely non-negotiable that I did with DS from birth, other than teeth-brushing (after he had teeth), and a certain amount of noise in the children's section is inevitable, and indeed there are often toddler singing and storytelling sessions. However, unless this is an entirely separate area to everything else, which is unusual in the average UK library, you have to try to consider other users as well. Some library layouts make this harder than others.

In the library I take my six year old to, the children's section is right next to the desks used by local history researchers, which I think is unhelpful to both groups!

Echobelly · 22/09/2018 13:30

TBH, I think I'd like to know the secret of anyone who can keep a 3yo and a 15 mo quiet anywhere, including a library!

But not really enough context to say. If they'd just walked in and were acting as kids that age do, she was being rather intolerant. If you'd been in there looking at your phone while they ran around for a while being shouty and tearing books of the shelf, you weren't being a bad parent, but were being an inconsiderate library user.

BitOutOfPractice · 22/09/2018 13:31

I seem to have a very low tolerance for screaming. But she was rude to say something like that.

But I have to say you were ruder for letting that happen.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 22/09/2018 13:32

Maybe she has misophonia.

gamerwidow · 22/09/2018 13:32

Both rude. No one expects children to be silent in a library but screaming and shouting is not on.
She should have asked you politely if you could keep the noise down though.

Lemontart25 · 22/09/2018 13:32

I get kids do squeal & shout I have my own & at the moment my youngest can give most a run for their money in the noise stakes if he felt the need!

However did you do anything to discourage your children (the eldest more) to stop being so loud? "Shouty" as you put it inside should never be ok.

Thatstheendofmytether · 22/09/2018 13:33

Well she was a bit rude but ywbu yo allow your children to shout and scream in a library.

Shoxfordian · 22/09/2018 13:33

Yabu
I remember when libraries were supposed to be silent

Littlestartotheleft · 22/09/2018 13:36

You should've told your children to be quiet and if that had failed, you should've taken them out the library.
I wouldn't have phrased it quite the way that woman did but I definitely would've been annoyed too. There's a time and a place for noise and the library is not the place.

Celebelly · 22/09/2018 13:36

Agree with both, unless it was a specific kids event that was being run where library-goers have to expect a bit more noise. I wouldn't expect young kids to be totally silent at a library but shouting and squealing would be disruptive, particularly as some people go to libraries to work or study. She was rude, though.

corythatwas · 22/09/2018 13:37

Obviously it's not always possible to make small children behave perfectly - but is possible to get up and leave if your child is disturbing others. And a good way to teach your 3yo that they do need to behave in public.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 22/09/2018 13:37

If 3 year old was shouting then you as they are usually capable of understanding to be quiet

If 15 month old then her - there isn't much you can do to distract or control a 15 month old when they're somewhere different and if toddlers are allowed in the library then they're allowed and a bit of noise is to be expected (unless they were having a full on melt down in which case I'd have probably left)

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 13:37

I remember when they were silent as well but according to librarian friends this is no longer the case and kids can make as much noise as they like. This, together with the fact that our library has sold most its books and turned half of its space into a coffee shop, is largely why I no longer visit them. At least book shops are still quiet.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 13:39

It's to be expected that young DC make noise in public.

Funny how children used to be able to be quiet in a library.

I suspect that what a parent describes as “a bit squealy and shouty” means they were bloody loud to a non-parent’s ears. Squealing is never acceptable in a library or many other public spaces.

RedSkyLastNight · 22/09/2018 13:39

Was the woman in the children's section? If so, presumably she was choosing a book for a child and therefore has some idea of "normal" child loudness, and therefore sounds like your DC were being too loud.

If she wasn't in the children's section, and your library is organised so that the children's section is separated off - again your DC were probably being too loud. If the children's section is literally next to the adult shelves, then I guess you should be aware that the DC should be quieter than where the area is separate.

... but I agree she was rude in the way she phrased it.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 22/09/2018 13:39

I think libraries are dying a bit - I guess due to kindle and everyone having smart phones etc plus finding cuts. They're not the same quiet places any more...ours does loads of other stuff, craft groups, mindfulness sessions, and various kids groups and storytelling sessions. They do need to diversify and attract young families otherwise more and more will shut

eelbecomingforyou · 22/09/2018 13:40

If you thought they were squeaky and shouty they probably sounded a hundred times worse to everyone who was not related to them!! Be more considerate in future...

NannyR · 22/09/2018 13:41

There's not much you can do about keeping a 15 month old completely quiet, but a three year old can be encouraged to behave quietly (not necessarily silently) and appropriately in libraries. Appropriately, meaning, that a library is somewhere to sit and look at books and not shriek and run around.

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