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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

274 replies

poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:26

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

OP posts:
BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 22/09/2018 14:10

I also agree 100% that Mum's "bit squealy and shouty" tends to equate to everyone else's "being so noisy we almost called environmental health" Wink

hibbledibble · 22/09/2018 14:11

day man that is absolutely not the case. It's all about a gentle introduction. The children play on ride ons and do colouring in while in a room full of books, and do pick books to read together there, and also take home.

Going to a library, not allowing children to play, and telling them they can't make noise won't work with under fives.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 14:16

Going to a library, not allowing children to play, and telling them they can't make noise won't work with under fives.

It used to.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 22/09/2018 14:17

hibbledibble hmm maybe, things have changed so much since I was a child. We were expected to be quiet (not silent but not running about screaming) in the library, even in the children section. Most of us grew up to love reading.

AllesAusLiebe · 22/09/2018 14:17

Sorry OP, your kids were disturbing other people, then YABU.

Please don’t stop taking them to the library, though - it’s so important. Just highlight the rules on being quiet before you go in and remove them at the first instance of squealing. Other people really shouldn’t have to listen to that.

I’m going to be in a minority here, but I don’t think the other woman did anything wrong! If something annoys you, how do you ever expect it to get better if you don’t say something? Confused

Deathraystare · 22/09/2018 14:18

Our library is never quiet. The kids are ok but it is the school kids/teens who have to bellow to those sitting next to them when they are studying. Oh and the local 'colour' who come in to bellow nonsense at the staff. I guess now it is multi-usage you can expect that. As I only come in to have a quick read to while away the time, it does not bother me. There is a designated kid area but it is not closed up so you hear them clapping and singing.

hibbledibble · 22/09/2018 14:19

Really soupdragon I'm in my 30s, but even I remember going to the library, playing with toys, running around, crafting etc.

Regardless of your high horse opinion, the libraries here welcome children playing.

user58584832847 · 22/09/2018 14:20

I'm not sure but I'm more towards YANBU it depends on whether you tried to quiet them down. But since I have a 16 month old DD myself I know it would be impossible if they didn't want to.
We need to be encouraging children to be going to library's and expecting silence is not the way to go about that.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 14:22

And yet, the majority of posters on this thread think that libraries should be quiet.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 14:23

Regardless of your high horse opinion

No, it’s just an opinion.

There was no running about when I was a child going to the library. We learnt it was a quiet space to choose books.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 22/09/2018 14:24

I think libraries as those of us knew and loved them have gone.

The "librarians" now are for the most part "people who work in the library". Ours has only one actual trained librarian. He sits and hides from all the cushions and building bricks upstairs in the reference section.

Ironically, I can't go anymore unless I'm off work as it doesn't open on a Saturday.

brainmelt · 22/09/2018 14:24

Going to a library, not allowing children to play, and telling them they can't make noise won't work with under fives
I agree they won't be 100% silent, but shouting is different. I never allowed my DS to shout in a library, under five or over five. He's now an avid reader doing English Lit for A level. So not exactly traumatised by having had to behave. A library is not a playground.

That said, the lady who complained need to wash her mouth.

FissionChips · 22/09/2018 14:25

Regardless of your high horse opinion, the libraries here welcome children playing

No doubt driving away many regular library goers.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 22/09/2018 14:25

Regardless of your high horse opinion, the libraries here welcome children playing

But what about the other children who also want to sit in the libary and read? I have really fond memories of selecting a book and sitting on the beanbags and getting lost in a book.

SassitudeandSparkle · 22/09/2018 14:25

Reverse?

While libraries are not places of complete silence any more, it does sound as if your children were being a little too loud and you could have asked them to consider the other users by being a bit quieter. Agree with a PP that the person who commented was probably more annoyed by your inaction than the children's actual noise!

DolorestheNewt · 22/09/2018 14:26

SoupDragon I'm not sure if three-year-olds were ever all that quiet in libraries, and actually I don't know if people did take three-year-olds to the library when I was a child (I'm 55, and both my parents are long gone, so I can't ask!). I suspect my recollection of a quiet children's library is based on the fact that no-one took children until they were a bit older back in the sixties/seventies. Interested to see if anyone says otherwise, though - as I say, I don't remember!

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 14:26

I don’t think playing in a library does anything at all to create a love of reading for its own sake.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 22/09/2018 14:27

The library has always been a “shhhh” place since I was a child (I’m early 30’s). Same for my DC and my local library does ask people to be quiet.

Of course children can scream and laugh and boulder around, but in soft play, not the library. Different places serve different purposes and require different rules and behaviour. That’s life! OP you need to be teaching your DC that as soon as they go through the door of the library it’s quiet time, low voices etc. Keep reminding them inside and if they don’t then you take them out.

ADastardlyThing · 22/09/2018 14:29

Depends. Kids section in my library is separate and they hold activities like colouring or model making as well as a bit of a reading area so noise is to be expected.

If it's a kids section within the rest of it then yabu a little bit.

Courtney555 · 22/09/2018 14:30

@soupdragon 100%. I was raised to respect the place I was in and show consideration to those around me from day one. If I behaved in a way that disrespected or disturbed either of those things, I was removed from the situation, explained to that if I wanted to go back in, I had to stop XYZ.

There's plenty of places I was allowed to scream and shout. Parks, playgrounds, tearing around the garden with my friends. In libraries, restaurants, etc it's not "what children do", it's what children are allowed to do when parents don't respect other people and instil that lack of respect and entitlement on their children.

DolorestheNewt · 22/09/2018 14:31

I don’t think playing in a library does anything at all to create a love of reading for its own sake. I do think I agree with you on that one. I think they're becoming confused with playspaces.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 14:32

I don't know if people did take three-year-olds to the library when I was a child

Hmmm... I remember choosing Thomas the Tank engine books (I remember them because of the size) and I remember choosing Ant and Bee books and I know that wasn’t my first experience of the library.
I could read before starting infant school so it was under 5. I have a very vague memory of being encouraged away from the picture books too but, at 50, it was a long time ago! I was a voracious reader.

AllesAusLiebe · 22/09/2018 14:33

I don’t think playing in a library does anything at all to create a love of reading for its own sake.

I agree with this too. It’s a bit of a race to the bottom, isn’t it.

SilverySurfer · 22/09/2018 14:33

From my last visit to a library, it appears that the days of silence have gone. Normal play and chatting sounds are reasonable. However, that doesn't mean it's ok for you to do nothing when your children are squealing and shouting. If you couldn't get them to stop then you should have removed them from the library.

NannyR · 22/09/2018 14:33

I've taken dozens of under fives to the library as a weekly activity, over the last twenty or so years. In my opinion it is a place to choose books, look at them, read them together, maybe do some colouring, join in with the weekly story and rhyme session. I encourage them to be quiet (apart from the under fives session) and in my experience, most kids are able to behave quietly if they know that it is expected of them.
Thinking about it, the last three libraries I've used haven't had any toys or none book related activities in the children's library during the general opening times, no ride on toys etc. The kids I take still enjoy it and look forward to going.