Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

274 replies

poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:26

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

OP posts:
AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 15:04

All these anti-OP responses are exemplary of the generally anti-mother, anti-children leaning of mumsnet: makes me wonder how many people on here have any real sympathy with mothers at all.

It’s realy is not. I am a mother and am well aware of how certain parts of society have a “seen but not heard” attitude everywhere, all the time.

I could argue that you, and the OP, are any-autistic as we NEED quiet places and don’t want to have to be confined to our homes. Surely a library would be a reasonable place to expect an absence of “squealing and shouting” - or does a parent’s need trump everything?

To me this is all about 1. Understanding that there are some places where children should learn that they can’t run around as they please exist and 2. Teaching your children that is the case.

If you aren’t able to teach an NT three year old how to behave then I’d argue that your not very good at parenting.

WhatIsThisTomfoolery · 22/09/2018 15:05

Why haven't we had the drip feed yet? We all know it's coming...

TatterdemalionAspie · 22/09/2018 15:05

Fingers in ears? How childish!

High pitched sounds hurt me. Blocking my ears with my fingers is the only way I can stop them hurting me. Anyone who thinks that is 'childish' can fuck the fuck off, frankly. Hmm

As to the OP, she was rude, but you clearly don't give a toss about your kids making noise in the library, so YABVU.

labazs · 22/09/2018 15:06

thankfully we dont whisper in them anymore and i agree you cant shush kids up easily but they do need to tone it down a bit

Cachailleacha · 22/09/2018 15:06

TheBananaStand2 I am a mother and my child and I would have to leave if there were children squealing and shouting in the library. Neither of us can cope with that kind of noise.

Cachailleacha · 22/09/2018 15:09

TatterdemalionAspie Same here, I still put my fingers in my ears, or close my eyes to reduce the overall sensory information.

RangeRider · 22/09/2018 15:16

Funny how children used to be able to be quiet in a library.
This ^^. There are plenty of places where kids can be loud (everywhere apparently), and few where a bit of quiet is expected. Is it really too much that libraries could be kept as quiet spots where people read and pick out books? No wonder they're dying out; people who actually want to use a library properly are being driven away by those who see it as an indoor playground!

Topseyt · 22/09/2018 15:17

I say both of you were being a bit unreasonable.

She could have been more polite, but I can't be sure what you really mean by squealy and shouty. How hard were you trying with regard to keeping some sort of a lid on the noise.

My mother used to take my sister and I with her to the library whenever she wanted to change her books. I remember going there when my sister was still a small baby and I was a preschooler. That would have been in the late sixties and early seventies. She generally did manage to keep us pretty quiet, and at age 3 or 4 I do remember knowing that it was an area to be quieter in and I was expected to comply. If there was a problem she popped outside with us until it subsided.

In some libraries the children's section is just a corner of a floor surrounded by adult areas. So not ideal I guess, and you ought to remove them if they become noisy.

YeTalkShiteHen · 22/09/2018 15:22

All these anti-OP responses are exemplary of the generally anti-mother, anti-children leaning of mumsnet: makes me wonder how many people on here have any real sympathy with mothers at all.

Oh bullshit. It’s far more likely to be mothers who don’t think the sun moon and stars revolve around their children and consider other people!

I’ve got 3 kids, all autistic and I am too.

If you think I’m childish for covering my ears at your child screeching and squealing I give not one fuck. Because it’s either that or I end up a wreck.

But hey, aren’t we all just anti-mother, anti-children? Sorry to ruin your self absorbed little narrative, but parents who never expect to have to consider anyone else's needs or feelings are the scourge of public places.

No need for it at all.

MissLingoss · 22/09/2018 15:23

if you need complete peace for work/study, you're best going to a large, central library where it's still expected to be completely quiet

All the public libraries I know are open plan. I don't know of any library that still has separate reference areas or reading rooms where it's really quiet.

As pp said, it seems almost impossible nowadays to find quiet indoor spaces.

YeTalkShiteHen · 22/09/2018 15:24

If you’re studying at university or college there would be a library surely?

FunkyHeroCat · 22/09/2018 15:25

Both. Whenever I've taken my kids to the library, I've made it clear that unless there's a toddler group going on, the library is for looking for books or for reading. It's one thing parents and children talking to each other about things, or even running around a little as long as it's in no-one's way, but I get really frustrated by parents who let their children do whatever they want at whatever pitch they want because it's saying that their need to make noise outweighs everyone else's need to read in peace.

If they're being really noisy (squealy and shouty sounds pretty noisy) they're not really in the mood for books and should be taken somewhere else.

That said, the woman could have been a little more polite, because they are quite young. You can't control the amount of noise such young kids make, although you can control where they are while they're making it.

MadMum101 · 22/09/2018 15:27

We don't even know for long the OP's children were being shouty and squealy. They could have just got there or they could suddenly have found a book they liked and got excited. Are mothers with small DC supposed to leave public buildings when they make the slightest noise?

In general, adults who make rude comments like this and need to dramatise kids making noise by putting their fingers in their ears, are knobs. The very few of them who have a condition so are severely affected by normal sounds would wear ear defenders rather than make comments designed to upset complete strangers.

I have regularly visited libraries since my DC were babies, never had an issue from the staff there about them behaving like children. We would tend to be in there for some time to choose books together. In that time staff and adult patrons would talk normally and have long discussions. It's nonsense to suggest complete quiet and whispers are necessary unless in a designated study area.

MissLingoss · 22/09/2018 15:33

If you’re studying at university or college there would be a library surely?

Last time I was in a university, in the area that was supposed to be silent, with no mobile phones, there were people talking and using mobile phones.

And what about people who aren't studying at university of college, but just want somewhere quiet to sit for a while with a book or newspaper?

MissLingoss · 22/09/2018 15:35

In a university library, that should have said.

Fireworks91 · 22/09/2018 15:36

You were. A bit of noise is fine in a library nowadays, but shouting is still a no to my mind.

Cachailleacha · 22/09/2018 15:46

The very few of them who have a condition so are severely affected by normal sounds would wear ear defenders rather than make comments designed to upset complete strangers.
Why should I have to wear ear defenders? Squealing and shouting are not normal sounds for a library.

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 16:00

The very few of them who have a condition so are severely affected by normal sounds would wear ear defenders rather than make comments designed to upset complete strangers

I wear my ear defenders in places where it would be entirely unreasonable for me to expect everyone to be quiet: supermarkets, kids sports classes, auditoriums. I totally get that my disability doesn’t mean I can demand quiet of others in normally noisy places.

In a normally quiet place, such as a library, I do not see why I should be the one making adjustments for the few that feel they are unable to behave in the customary manner.

It’s just simple consideration. Why have some people got it into their heads that they are entitled to behave exactly as they want, to the detriment of others. It’s give and take from everyone that is required.

MadMum101 · 22/09/2018 16:00

Squealing and shouting are normal sounds from young DC who happened to be in a children's section of a library.

It's your responsibility to protect your ears if you have an issue not other people's who wouldn't be aware you had one Hmm.

MadMum101 · 22/09/2018 16:03

You've all jumped to the conclusion that the OP deliberately allowed her DC to be noisy and irritate other people when it could have only be a short burst of noise. I'm sure if she was 'that' type of parent she wouldn't have posted!

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 16:04

Squealing and shouting are normal sounds from young DC who happened to be in a children's section of a library

Normal sounds from young DC who have inadequate parents. I agree.

tillytop · 22/09/2018 16:05

What if dc doesn't actually like the library and learns that he can just "play up" and get removed? Result for dc!! What about his/her siblings who do enjoy the library, but then have to leave?

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 22/09/2018 16:07

Banana- I am anti entitled mothers who think that their children's racket gets priority over everyone else's daily business, absolutely.

Which is why, as a mother, I wouldn't let my children disturb others.

MadMum101 · 22/09/2018 16:08

So you never squealed or shouted as a 3 year old Autistic.

This thread has yet again verged onto the bloody ridiculous but we know AIBU is just a platform for keyboard warriors to get some respite from their sad little lives.

YeTalkShiteHen · 22/09/2018 16:08

It's your responsibility to protect your ears if you have an issue not other people's who wouldn't be aware you had one

Oh good, another one.

Because it’s never up to parents not to ensure their children aren’t disrupting a whole load of people eh? Bullshit.

Swipe left for the next trending thread