Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

[poppy2006]

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

YABU letting your DC squeal in a library. I would have been mortified and apologised if I were in your shoes.

Would it have been better if I had replied to Hedgehog's inadequate parenting comment with "I had inadequate parenting". Then if someone asked why, I could have replied because father was autistic? I can now see that may have been better.

Apologies to anyone I may have offended, by saying it the wrong way.

tillytop If my interpretation was wrong, then I can't see how what you said was relevant.

tillytop
I don't want or need sympathy.

I think you may have missed the point.

Babyshark2018

Ok I understand what you’re saying but you’re first post really didn’t come over like that. It sounded as though you got a kick out of making a disturbance.

Also if you’ve reported my post, that’s incredibly childish.

tillytop - If you were going to use your father's parenting skills as an example you needed to be clear about whether you were saying:

1. Your father was an inadequate parent who was autistic or
2. Your father's autism made him an inadequate parent

Whichever was the case, it would have been clear that you were referencing your personal history alone.

I was a 60s child and loved visitIng the library as well. The children's library then was bigger than the main town library is today, housed in a huge old building with imposing high ceilings. The rule was that the library was a quiet place and everyone spoke in whispers. The fact that I wasn't allowed to run round squealing and shouting didn't put me off reading or going to take books out, so I disagree with those who say that maintaining a quiet atmosphere means a library is not family friendly. There are plenty of places for children to run round creating a racket being children, so why can't a library be different?

But the covering the ears thing is overly dramatic, it's like what a toddler does. or someone who gets easily overwhelmed by noise. it isn't overly dramatic at all.

I don't think it's reasonable to be unable to tolerate normal child noise (which of course includes occasional squealing and shouting). Maybe those people who object to it should spend more time around children so they can learn to be more considerate.

It has nothing to do with being more considerate to children. My 10yr has sensory processing disorder. Thankfully she is OK with most noise, yet if she hears a baby crying (normal crying, not squealing etc) it can send her into a sensory related meltdown withing seconds. Her intimidate go to is to cover her ears (she can't use ear defenders - sensory nightmare) and freeze. Of course, spending time with crying babies will do absolutely ZERO to help her with this... we manage it best we can with what we have.

@EthelThePiratesDaughter I was trying finish off my course work one weekend, and as I was on a deadline and my asd dd was having a hard time, dh sent me off to our local library that has a dedicated area used for studying. As I was settling in, a woman came in to study too, and 10 minutes later her partner and their toddler child joined her. I stayed for 15 minutes with constant distractions (squealing/child coming over to me/loud talking by parents to said toddler) and got nothing done. Her daughter was so loud that library staff heard and asked them to keep her quiet or take her out. They did neither. I complained loudly, but was told that her daughter had a right to be with her mum! Nothing about my right to study in peace, in an adult section of the learning unit. I got an apologetic look from the library staff, but I wished they had done more. There is an excellent chidren's library 2 door away, dad could have easily taken her there.

I interpreted it the same way as well. No twisting from autistichedgehog required.. Snap... I actually commented on it too, so I don't know why it's only @autistichedgehog copping flack.

Does squealy and shouty mean kids were freaking noisy, acting like they’re in an outdoor playground, and disturbing everyone else for the last half hour? Because if that’s the case you sound like one of those parents who doesn’t discipline or control her kids and is a giant pain in the neck in public.

But if squealy and shouty means excited about the library, being loud and enthusiastic about the book - well probably ok especially if you’re still in the initial stages of encouraging the kids to not be too wild inside without dampening their interest in the books. They really should be able to calm down and stop being squealy and shouty within 5-10 mins though, unless they’re tired/hungry etc.

YABU. It can be hard to find a quiet space to study which is what most people in our library are doing. The café's are full of noisy kids, I think it's fairly common knowledge that you don't talk in a library, nevermind squeel. I say that as a broody mid-twenty year old, I can't imagine how annoying it would be for the teenagers. Libraries are really one of the only quiet places left in society these days.

Libraries are closing down everywhere where I live.

There is no need for the old fashioned image of a prim librarian shushing. They are clearly not what people want.

Maybe a designated quiet area for those wanting to study but a 18mo and 3 year old in the children's section not being silent. Come on! Way to encourage children to read.

I know two people who regularly use the library - my mother and a friend who lives Norfolk way. Her library is really modern and even has a cafe - she often goes to the library for a jacket potato it sounds great.

An another note - I was so anxious as a new mother about this kind of shit from people that I didn't go out with my son on my own until he was 3.

Greyhound22 We've had a good few libraries opening where I live, but if what you describe is the case where OP lives she could be being reasonable. But I would not be happy about kids making noise in the only place I can study quietly!

Your kids should've been shouting.

Shouldn't have**

Slimming

...but a 18mo and 3 year old in the children's section not being silent. Come on! Way to encourage children to read.

“Silent” and “squealy and shouty” are poles apart. No one expects silence, just quiet.

Since when is squealing and shouting an encouragement to read? Playing and activities are a discouragement as the implication is that reading is dull and needs to be livened up.

Perhaps the OP and/or her children are not NT.

So difficult to know when they made 2 posts and vanished.

Just a bit rushed off my feet with two preschoolers, I know, who’d have thought it

No, I didn’t see the point in continuing to argue as the thread went a bit off course.

You were I'm afraid but she sounds rude.

It good for kids to be taught that they can be shouty and squealy whenever they want. Obviously at that age they aren't going to manage it all the time but it's good to try.

My DCs couldn't ever use our local library for studying as it was always too loud.