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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

274 replies

poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:26

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

OP posts:
YeTalkShiteHen · 22/09/2018 16:10

Oh and I don’t have “an issue” I’m autistic. The “issue” in this scenario is the indulgent mother who doesn’t give a shit about anyone else, not someone with a disability.

HTH

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 22/09/2018 16:10

Jesus, MadMum 🙄
I hope I never encounter you in a restaurant or theatre if you think kids shouting and squealing in a bloody library is normal.
It’s not remotely normal for the vast majority.

Cachailleacha · 22/09/2018 16:12

Why does it make a difference if it is the children's section? The children's section usually has books for children up to the age of 12. Why should other children have to listen to squealing and shouting when choosing books or quietly reading?

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 16:12

So you never squealed or shouted as a 3 year old Autistic

Not in a fucking library, no. Elsewhere, yes.

I loved going to the library as a child. It was quiet. Not that I knew I was autistic at the time but it was massively soothing to me - AS A CHILD - to be able to go somewhere peaceful as everywhere else outside, especially playgroup and then school, was so very very overwhelming.

So next time you take your entitled 3 year old into the library to shriek and scream - just remember that there may be an autistic child trying to get a bit of time out from a very noisy world.

But you won’t, will you as why should you respect a minority?

RangeRider · 22/09/2018 16:14

Squealing and shouting are normal sounds from young DC who happened to be in a children's section of a library.
No, they're normal sounds in soft play. Not in a library. Whispering, low tomes and silence are normal in a library. Or they were back in the days when people had respect for others.

Twotailed · 22/09/2018 16:17

Another vote for both. I can see why it was very annoying to her to have kids shouting in a library, but she was rude to you where she could have been polite.

MissLingoss · 22/09/2018 16:20

Why does it make a difference if it is the children's section? The children's section usually has books for children up to the age of 12. Why should other children have to listen to squealing and shouting when choosing books or quietly reading?

Not just the other children. As I said above, all the public libraries I know are open plan. If someone is making a noise in one area, it can be heard everywhere.

And yes, there maybe yr6/yr7 children looking for books for homework, or to support a serious hobby or interest. They're as much entitled to consideration as the 3yo.

And will someone say, where can one go these days to find a quiet indoor space? (There might actually be a business opportunity there for someone, but it's a shame if people have to pay for what used to be freely available.)

ChristmasArmadillo · 22/09/2018 16:20

I have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. We go to the library twice a week and our local branch has a dedicated children’s area but it’s still well in ear shot of the rest of the library. There are blocks, puzzles, a toy kitchen etc but we all (not just my DC so it’s not like mine are outliers) play quietly and use soft “library voices”. I leave when there are “shouty and squealy” children there who aren’t being taught good library etiquette because it makes it so much more difficult to explain to mine that we must be quiet and polite when someone else isn’t! Other woman could’ve worded it much more politely, to be fair.

tillytop · 22/09/2018 16:21

Normal sounds from young DC who have inadequate parents. I agree. Did you mean to be so self righteous and rude?

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 22/09/2018 16:26

Some people seem to think that because there is a children’s section that means it’s for squealing and shouting.

It’s not, it’s just where the children’s reading material is and a few softer seats, lower tables etc.

Children don’t get free rein wherever they are just because they’re children. It’s the library, so children be quiet there. If they were at the beach they can scream and run around because no-one expects silence there, it’s a wide open space, for activity and movement. The library is for quiet reading/studying, no matter what age you are.

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 16:27

Did you mean to be so self righteous and rude

Do you mean to use such an impotent expression of utter banality?

But I have mean everything I’ve written. Inger what you want.

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 16:27

Infer not Inger.

MrsFezziwig · 22/09/2018 16:29

YeTalkShiteHen sadly university libraries are no longer places of silence, being presumably peopled by students whose mothers let them squeal and shout in libraries when they were kids.

The BananaStand2 so Mumsnet is anti-mothers and anti-children? Er, the clue’s in the name.

On an optimistic note, my small local library (one room) has a children’s section. Whenever I go in there are children looking at books or using the computers. I wouldn’t say they are completely silent, but they certainly aren’t squealing or shouting.

abacucat · 22/09/2018 16:32

I used to go to our local library every week. It was revamped and is now open plan. I no longer do as it is as noisy as being in a children's playground. And squealing actually hurts my ears.

tillytop · 22/09/2018 16:36

Generalisation that parents of squealing dc are inadequate, is self righteous and rude. I also meant what I said.

tillytop · 22/09/2018 16:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

differentnameforthis · 22/09/2018 16:40

Someone's a bit squealy and shouty is another ones "yelling at the top of their voices"

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 16:40

Parents that make no attempt to calm their children (and I’ve already qualified I’m referring to NT children) in a place where they should learn that they cannot run around as they please are inadequate in my
opinion.

It’s a simple mater of consideration, which is apparently lost on you.

starryeyed19 · 22/09/2018 16:40

Children are entitled to use the library too. Just as much as the people who insist on silence. Lots of people don't read IN the library. They pick up the books to take home and read. That lady should have been much politer if she had an issue.

And people like that are the reason that some families don't use libraries. Stop judging.

Deadringer · 22/09/2018 16:42

I posted on here about a year about our Library. I was reading to two 3 year olds and I was asked to read more quietly as someone had complained. I wasn't loud, just a normal conversational tone (wasn't performance parenting, they weren't even my kids). This was in the children's library. It's next door to the adults library but there are computers there and a couple of adults were using them. I was told almost unanimously on here that I was being unreasonable to to read to children in a library so I would think that shouting and screaming are definitely a no no.

YouTheCat · 22/09/2018 16:42

I used to take my twins with autism to the library when they were little. If they were excessively noisy, we left.

Fireworks91 · 22/09/2018 16:43

Seriously, there being a kids' section is not an invitation to a free for all of poor behaviour. In the main it just means that all the kids' books are in there, rhyme time and Lego club etc are held there etc. Many don't even have doors separating them from the main area. Surely common sense, courtesy and etiquette would indicate that libraries are calm places? If your child is incapable of that, and many are at 3, then either don't go, go during rhyme time etc, or take them out when they shout. Talking quietly is fine, even talking less quietly is fine as most people know kids can't always moderate their volume. But shouting and squealing should always be a no. And tbh should be anywhere that isn't child oriented like soft play, the park, play groups etc. The majority of children are capable of taking advice on their behaviour.

AutisticHedgehog · 22/09/2018 16:43

tillytop

Furthermore, I was raised by an autistic father. Now that was inadequate parenting.

So you believe that autistic people are inadequate parents?

And you are basing this conclusion on a statistical sample of one? Interesting.

SoupDragon · 22/09/2018 16:44

All these anti-OP responses are exemplary of the generally anti-mother, anti-children leaning of mumsnet: makes me wonder how many people on here have any real sympathy with mothers at all.

Well, seeing as I have 3 children it would be a bit odd if I were “anti-mother and anti-children” 😂😂 what a load of rubbish!

My children learnt to behave appropriately for their surroundings or we left. Seeing as they weren’t angels, we left quite a few places...

differentnameforthis · 22/09/2018 16:47

young children aren't expected to be quiet in the library, they encourage noise with all the musical/book bug sessions they all seem to hold now, if you need complete peace for work/study, you're best going to a large, central library They can be both. Our library holds music sessions, and it can be a place of quite. It's all to do with timing. I usually take dd's after school and it can be a bit nosier, but not greatly so. By that time all the noisy sessions have stopped.

And yes, my children are expected to be quite in the library.

AutisticHedgehog I found that quote offensive too. My closest friends are an autistic husband and wife, who are raising three autistic children beautifully.