Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I a terrible parent or was the woman BU?

274 replies

poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:26

In the library in the kids' section my DCs (nearly 3 and 15 months) were a bit squealy and shouty.

Woman covers her ears and says "For gods sake, can't you keep them quiet?"

Me or her?

OP posts:
Courtney555 · 22/09/2018 13:43

Depends. If they did it twice, and she got that cross that quickly, that's her stepping in before you've addressed it.

But, if you just looked on while they shrieked for a couple of minutes, in a building that is specifically a quiet place, and did nothing, then she quite rightly raised her voice at you.

If my DC were not able to go to a library with out shrieking, I wouldn't take them in there. If DC started squealing in a restaurant I'd remove us. I don't like this entitlement people have in restaurants as they ruin the other 50 diners meals as their kids scream and they churn out the "we've got as much right to be in here as you, if you have a problem with our darlings screaming, YOU leave.". Technically true, but what an astounding level of ignorance.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 22/09/2018 13:44

I remwber going to the library as a child, we had a whole area but we were still expected to be quiet. I don't understand why this has changed tbh.

She was rude, but it depends on the library's general attitude towards what noise is acceptable in the children's area to know if you wbu or not.

starryeyed19 · 22/09/2018 13:45

Her. And I am a librarian. Unless you were in an area marked for silent study, you can be as loud and squealy as you like.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 13:45

I'm sure it's possible to attract young families without allowing parents to use them as indoor playgrounds. I dunno, it just seems a shame that people who supported libraries for decades when they were quiet restful places have had their enjoyment of these spaces taken away.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 13:47

Starryeyed has confirmed what I have previously been told - that libraries, unlike shops, are now places where parents do not have to control their children or consider other members of the public at all.

Blondebakingmumma · 22/09/2018 13:48

YABU Read your children a book or if they are too loud take them to a park where they can shout and run and play

Andro · 22/09/2018 13:48

Were you attempting to manage their behaviour? If not, ywbvu.

The other lady may have been a bit U, but given that squealing hurts my ears horrendously it's likely my displeasure would have been clear as well.

Original poster
poppy2006 · 22/09/2018 13:48

What "consequences" for a loud MUMMY?

OP posts:
tillytrotter1 · 22/09/2018 13:49

You should have told the stupid cow to piss off

Thus setting your loud children an excellent example of the use of English, brilliant idea!

lexi727 · 22/09/2018 13:49

Both. Library = should have been quiet. Rude of her to say something though, imo.

FissionChips · 22/09/2018 13:49

Libraries are basically community centres with a few books on the walls.

I hate it.

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 13:52

Me too, Fission.

hibbledibble · 22/09/2018 13:52

Depends what you mean by squeaky? Playing and making noise is fine, full on screaming should be removed if not quietening down quickly.

My local library welcomes families to use it as an indoor playground: toys are provided including ride ons, colouring in etc. Surely getting children into going to the library and loving reading from a young age should be a priority?

hibbledibble · 22/09/2018 13:53

Ideally I think there should be a door to the children's section of the library, so kids can play, and adults are free to read or study in peace

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 13:56

The last few times I've been in a library there was precious little evidence of children loving reading on display from the people in there. Sure, the kids were having a great time noisily running around doing whatever the fuck they wanted and the parents were having a great time ignoring them and Facebooking their friends, but I didn't see anyone actually reading.

CardsforKittens · 22/09/2018 13:57

I want to see children in libraries more than I want silent public spaces. So in my view the other woman was being unreasonable.

I don't think it's reasonable to be unable to tolerate normal child noise (which of course includes occasional squealing and shouting). Maybe those people who object to it should spend more time around children so they can learn to be more considerate.

DayManChampionOfTheSun · 22/09/2018 13:58

hibbledibble but if they are playing on ride ons and colouring in, surely they aren't getting interested in books, they are interested in a budget soft play area. Sitting together and actually reading from a book (which in my experience is not usually a screaming activity) would be a better way to get them to enjoy reading.

youlethergo · 22/09/2018 13:58

She was rude and she shouldn't have been.

But the librarian should have approached and, in a nice way, encouraged you to keep it down.

BlueJava · 22/09/2018 13:59

Many libraries aren't the "rooms of silence" they used to be - they have definitely changed. However I didn't let mine squeal and shout - mostly because of my own ears, nevermind anyone else's ears!

HaroldsSocalledBluetits · 22/09/2018 13:59

If that was aimed at me, I've got three kids so I spend plenty of time around children.

WillowPeach · 22/09/2018 14:00

Both. She should of been more polite. You should of told your kids to keep the noise down.

I remember being a kid and going to the library with the school, we all had to whisper. In places such as a library, it's respectful of others to be quiet - children's area or not. Unless of course the children's area is miles away from the other areas/on a different floor. Noise carries.

As for those saying that surely the fact that children being interested in the library is the priorty here - it is, great stuff for the parents and they should be happy. But what about adults who just want some peace, hence being in a library. What's not to say that children can't be in a library and be quiet?

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 22/09/2018 14:04

It doesn’t sound like you were trying to quieten them OP. Were you?

YouTheCat · 22/09/2018 14:08

That kind of noise would mean I'd probably have to leave.

Children need to learn that there are some places where they need to be quieter.

BookMeOnTheSudExpress · 22/09/2018 14:09

You need to take the fact that it was a library out of the equation- as others have said, it no longer matters what you do in a library as long as they don't close them.

My local library (town of 60,000) now opens only 3 days a week, mornings only. When I was a child/teenager, it was on 3 floors and was open 6 days a week. With two late night openings.

They've been dumbed down out of desperation- which is sad, but inevitable.

She, maybe, was BU to tell you. You were BU to let them annoy people anywhere public.

tolerable · 22/09/2018 14:09

you.
twice.
cos you actually had to ask.
squealy and shouty is not library behaviour. possibly she snapped at the lack of intervention more than the noise.