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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF friend? AIBU to tell her to f*ck off

207 replies

Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:41

I occasionally make celebration cakes for friends and family but I am a registered business so never do it for nothing (but rarely make much from a cake). I also work part time and lead a pretty busy life.

So today I get a message from a friend (close friend) asking if I could make her a cake for 2 weeks time, she said she will pay for the ingredients for me to make it. So I’m thinking ‘what about paying for my time?’ So I ask her what kind of cake she would like and she describes to me the cake she has in mind. A cake that would probably cost £100+ to buy from anyone else, why? because it would take around 8 hours to make (maybe longer), on top of that is the cost of electricity and I would probably have to buy a few bits/tools to make it.

So AUBU to tell her to f*ck off? Do people really not realise how much time and skill goes into making a cake? It’s not something I just chuck together in a hour.

Just to add, it’s not her birthday so she’s obviously told a friend that she will ask me if I can make it for nothing.

OP posts:
SoleBizzz · 19/09/2018 17:44

How would she react to being told to fuck off?
Would you be ok if there were a negative impact upon the friendship?
Wouldn't it better to think of an excuse?

Leavesofautumn · 19/09/2018 17:45

Just say you're really busy at the moment and have to give priority to paid work.

Fadingmemory · 19/09/2018 17:45

I wouldn't tell her to f... off but I would just contact her and say that you can't make the cake for less.

Ohyesiam · 19/09/2018 17:45

You would be really unreasonable to tell her to fuck off. Say no though.

12sillysausages · 19/09/2018 17:45

Just be honest with her, tell her the time it costs and what you charge for it. It's unreasonable of her to expect it for nothing.

Rhondacross · 19/09/2018 17:45

Why don't you just say yes, that's fine, it will be £100?

Caselgarcia · 19/09/2018 17:46

I'd tell her it would be a minimum of 8 hours work and you don't have the time.

HoleyCoMoley · 19/09/2018 17:46

That's cheeky, I'd charge for my time and electricity. Google local comparisons and see what they charge. Id give a bit of a discount but if you think it would cost 100, I'd charge 75.

Ginorchoc · 19/09/2018 17:46

Just tell her the price?

cycleasy · 19/09/2018 17:46

Just tot it all up including cost for your labour and give her the total fee take it or leave it. Don't see what the issue is...

Aprilshowersnowastorm · 19/09/2018 17:46

Just send her a formal estimate by email adding on extras like your time.
Bet she just pretends not to have received it and doesn't mention it again.

Changenameday · 19/09/2018 17:46

Give her a quote as you would for anyone else and let her decide if she wants to pay it or not.

Haireverywhere · 19/09/2018 17:47

Assuming you don't literally mean fuck off then YANBU to say no or make your excuses or ask for more than just ingredients money. It's definitely cheeky.

SoozC · 19/09/2018 17:47

Definite CF. Surely it's up to the person giving the discount to decide how much? She should have approached you and asked what the price might be, not set her terms before she's even told you what she wants.

I have a friend who makes cards who made one for me recently. I told her what I wanted and asked her how much. I've no idea if she gave me a discount (but she probably did) as I didn't ask.

PrincessMargaret · 19/09/2018 17:48

Fine to offer mates rates if you want but otherwise give her a realistic quote.

DayKay · 19/09/2018 17:48

Tell her that it would take you 8 hrs and you would charge £100 if she still wants it.
Some people don’t realise and need educating.

dinosaurkisses · 19/09/2018 17:48

“Just say you're really busy at the moment and have to give priority to paid work”

This. A decent friend will appreciate that you need to make a living and won’t be offended.

Alternatively you could say you don’t have the time to do something that elaborate and suggest something much more simple if you’re happy to make her a cake at all

YeTalkShiteHen · 19/09/2018 17:49

I’d give her a quote, as you always would. She can then decide if she wants it or not.

But aye, offering to pay for the ingredients and expecting your time and effort for free is being a CF.

Padparadscha · 19/09/2018 17:50

So you occasionally make friends and family cakes at a disco, but this friend asks the same (ok just paying ingredients costs is cheeky, perhaps they thought that’s what you did for others) and you want to respond in the most verbally aggressive way possible? I’m assuming there’s a drip feed coming, otherwise you’re very unreasonably. A simple ‘no, I need a bit more than that’ or ‘I’m afraid I’m too busy with paid work right now’ will suffice.

Nellyelora · 19/09/2018 17:50

Couldn't you just explain that it would take you 8 hours to make it and requires specialist tools you don't have and that you're not currently in the position to make it as a favour.

Unfortunately I do think there are people who have no idea of the skill level required to make cakes as it's very much seen as a 'pin money' job

Original poster
Lovemusic33 · 19/09/2018 17:50

I guess a part of me is just fed up, she knows how hard I work when I make cakes, I’m pretty sure she knows how tricky it would be to make such a cake. I guess it was the way her message was worded basically assuming just paying for the ingredients would be sufficient.

She is someone I have been friends with since school but she is often a CF, she will ask me to go for a coffee with her just so I will drive her into town because she can’t drive and she can’t be bothered to get the bus.

Of course I won’t actually tell her to fuck off but I want them to know that I don’t make cakes for free. At the moment I have told her I need to check my diary as I might be busy with work that week but I kind of feel I should be more honest and tell her I won’t make a cake for anyone (even family and close friends) for free.

OP posts:
Padparadscha · 19/09/2018 17:50

A discount not disco Hmm. Autocorrect fail.

BritInUS1 · 19/09/2018 17:51

Just tell her how much it will cost and let her take it or leave it

honeysucklejasmine · 19/09/2018 17:53

Oh that's ridiculous. I just ordered a cake for my ds' birthday. It costs £40 for 8", but it will be beautiful and allergy friendly and so much better than I could do. I'm paying a professional, I expect to pay professional prices.

Justgivemeasoddingname · 19/09/2018 17:54

I would say if need to make a much simpler version if you would like to pay for the ingredients but if you want me to make that actual cake I'd need to charge you XXX as it will take me 8 hours.
I made a huge cake recently which cost me loads of money and time. It was part of my friends gift as it was her 50th and although I know she appreciated it I don't think she actually said the words "thank you" and it does hurt a little. I've learned.